Episode 6: Online dating in the 2000s, a difficult fertility journey, and moving forward after loss
Welcome to the fourth episode of Ordinary Love—a podcast where I sit down with couples and celebrate their love story! Join me as I hear about the big, small, beautiful, sometimes messy, and always special ordinary moments that make relationships incredibly extraordinary.
This week I got to have a fun yet incredibly candid conversation with Josephine (she/her) and Nelson (he/him), who are my aunt, uncle and godparents. Their story got me feeling all different types of emotions, and I can’t wait for you to listen.
Join me as they share with us:
♡ The lie they’ve told everyone for 25 whole years
♡ Having a long distance relationship in the early 2000s
♡ The ringless proposal story
♡ Their difficult pregnancy journeys
♡ Pomegranates, elephants with the trunks facing down, and other things they’ve tried to help them get pregnant
♡ How they moved forward as a couple after experiencing tragic loss
♡ Who their Family Feud team would be
♡ Their favorite memories as a family
…And more!
Scroll down for episode transcript ♡
Want to be on the podcast? Reach out today!
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Hi everyone, welcome to this week's episode of
Ordinary Love. Before we begin, I wanted to offer
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a gentle content warning. In this episode, we talk
about complicated pregnancy experiences and child
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loss. These can be deeply sensitive topics, so
please take care of yourself as you listen. If
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you'd like to skip this part of the conversation,
it begins around the 52minut mark and ends at
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around the 1 hour and 5 minute mark. Thank
you so much, and I hope you enjoy the episode.
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Welcome back to this episode of Ordinary Love, a
podcast where we sit down with couples and talk
0:00:41.840,0:00:48.080
about their relationships. Today I have my nanny
and my tito. They are actually the parents of
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Jake, who was our first episode. So, we're making
our rounds in this family, but I'm excited to have
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you guys both here. Thank you for having us. Thank
you. Yeah. So, we can maybe just start with you
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guys introducing yourselves. My name is Josephine.
Um, which is a little too formal, but I am Nani,
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which should have been Nang, but Ena couldn't
pronounce it when she was little. So, she made up
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her own language. And instead of saying Ninang,
she called me Nani. And it kind of just stuck
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for almost 30 years, right? Yeah. So, um, family
calls me Pepper. We all go by nicknames. And those
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are that are really close to me call me Pang,
which is another nickname of my nickname. Um,
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so as Filipinos do. Yes. And I shop for a
living. I've shopped for a living for the past
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25 plus years. I I I shop for the um education uh
system. So yeah, that's what I do for a living.
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And before then you were shopping for or
you shopped for Before then I was in the
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private sector. I was a makeup buyer for a makeup
brand. Um I was a beverage buyer for a a market
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um retail store. I also did sourcing. So I
looked for items that you would find in stores
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like Barnes & Noble and Starbucks. Um yeah, it it
was really fun. So when I say I shop for a living,
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it's because I've I literally would source
things and see where they're coming from
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so we could bring them to the stores here in the
States. She shops for a living both professionally
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and recreationally. Yes. I I never buy anything
full price because I learned for a living that
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you should look for the best bargain you can.
My name is Nelson and I am Enstito. I've been
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Inesto for as long as she can remember. I work in
education as well. I make sure that educators have
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the licenses and the authorizations that they need
to stay in the classroom to to be school nurses,
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to be school psychologists, to be counselors and
principles and all of that. So that's, you know,
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I've been doing that for 23 years now. So Nelson
and I are parents to two boys. Jacob, who was in
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your podcast, is our 22year-old. And we have Noah,
who um is our youngest, and he just turned 10 a
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couple days ago. And we have a very photogenic, a
handsome chocolate lab named Bear, who is not here
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right now, unfortunately. If he was here, he would
wreak havoc on all the equipment that's out here.
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Okay. Well, thank you guys so much for introducing
yourselves. I'm really excited for this because
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like Tito said, I he's been in my life for as long
as I have memory. You were four when we started
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dating. Yeah. It was your birthday actually.
Oh, was it my birthday? It was your fourth
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birthday where he came and met the family. Met
the family. Yeah. Like the whole family including
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like the family friends and everything. Not not
the immediate family, but it was like the, "Oh,
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look. This is who she's dating." Like everybody
literally met him at your birthday. Oh my god.
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I didn't realize it was my birthday. My first
memory of you, Tito, and I say this all the time,
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but it was I so yeah, set the stage. I was four
years old. You came in and you were like trying
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to make me laugh or you know, and you were doing
these magic tricks on me. One of them being that
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you pretended that Can you do it? Yeah. the
the broken thumb. Yeah, the broken thumb.
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Yeah, which like, you know, in hindsight, it's a
really cool trick. Like a really cool party trick,
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but it really freaked me out. What a way to make
an impression. It really freaked my four-year-old
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self out. Um, and that was my first memory of
DTO. So, I'm really excited to hear guys' story.
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How long have you guys been married now? We've
been married for 23 years. 23. been together for
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25 years. That's right. Okay. So, if if dates
and time are kind of blurry, it's we'll chalk
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it up to old age. Yeah. You guys on the podcast so
far are the longest running. Yeah. So far. So, no
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one's going to blame you if you if some of these
memories are a little fuzzy. Yes. This is funny
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because we had to kind of game plan this morning
and we kind of just like I said did you see Ena's
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set of questions and he said yes and then we just
started laughing because we know we know why we
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started laughing and the reason why I think we're
excited to sit here is because we're going to say
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something really interesting because not a lot of
people know about it really. And when I when we
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say not a lot of people know about it Jake doesn't
even really know about it. I think only a hand.
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And when I say a handful, I think like two of our
very good friends know about it. Really? Wow. I
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feel so honored. It's going to Okay. Should I feel
honored? I don't know. So, I don't know. I mean,
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but you know what DTO said? I live. So, we said
when we got engaged, right, like a very good
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girlfriend of mine who knows our story said, "All
right, are we going with for story A or story B?"
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I I believe it's still in a poster where we had
during our our bridal shower where she said,
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"Let's stick with story A." And for 25 years,
we've kind of just stuck to story A because
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Should I just come out and say it? Okay. Yes. Go
ahead. So, 25 years ago, we met online. This is
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Okay. Now, keep in mind this is this is way before
like the e-harmony. There was no dating apps back
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in the day. The internet was like the internet and
that literally just happened. Yeah. The internet
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was probably 5 years old at that time. And see,
I'm laughing because now it's like I don't know
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why we stuck to story A because in 2025 it's not
a big deal, right? Okay. So story B is the real
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story. Correct. Okay. So story goes again. Back
in the day there was no such thing as eharmony or
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Tinder. I I don't even know what the dating apps
are nowadays. Yeah, like Tinder hand. Back in the
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day it was literally called Yahoo chat. No, it was
Yahoo Personals. Honestly, I don't even know. So
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it was it was called Yahoo Personals. Personals.
Okay. What? I have never heard of this. Right.
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And I I thought it was just chat because literally
you go in to this room, right? and you just start
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chatting with people. Mhm. And when I told him
this morning, okay, we're just going to come out
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and say our story. We're just going to come out
and say story be only because again back in the
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day it was not the norm to meet people. Not not
that way. Not that way. So this was 2020 2020.
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I'm sorry. See, I'm telling you I'm like days are
5 years ago. I know days are year 2000. the year
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2000. Okay. So, I guess I told him, okay, I'm
going to say say the story because this is what
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I remember it to be. I was coming out of a very
long-term relationship. And when I say longterm,
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it was eight years. It was not my intention to
go on Yahoo to meet somebody. I I didn't even
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know how those things work. But I went in because
I was like, "Okay, well, that sounds kind of fun,
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right?" Okay. Like you go in a room and you start
chatting with people like like this novel idea,
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right? And it wasn't like a a one-on-one chat
until you want to. Yeah. And I honestly don't even
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remember how we got to talking or how we ended
up That's just See, I went on as a rant. I was It
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was kind of the same thing. I was dating here and
there, whatever, and then it got to a point where
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like it's almost pointless because it's like you
never meet anybody quality. It was so it's hard
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for a guy to begin with. Back then it was even
harder for like an Asian guy. And so I I don't
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even remember what I ranted, but it was it was
kind of like Asian guys get the the short end of
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the stick. The short end of the stick. Everybody
wants the tall guy, the the you know, 6 foot three
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and, you know, whatever. And and so it was kind
of like a rant like that and then she came on and
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said, "Well, no, you know, that's not true. That's
not true." And then that's how we basically got
0:09:43.920,0:09:51.040
to talking, right? And then it just became more
of a oh this person and then I think we started
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like sharing things about each other like oh no
way, you know, I'm from the Bay Area too and and
0:09:57.200,0:10:01.920
that Yeah. Obviously you're Filipino and I think
Oh my god. Yeah. There was like no lo. It wasn't
0:10:01.920,0:10:07.680
like location specific. No, it it was literally
just I I wasn't in there to look for somebody. He
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wasn't in there to look for somebody. Just pissed
off. But I think he was the angry Asian man. Jake,
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just like you. So, and like starting off on that
like very casual finding out that you know, oh,
0:10:22.400,0:10:28.080
San Jose State and then we went to to the point,
you know, that and obviously this is like,
0:10:28.080,0:10:31.520
you know, you kept logging on and hoping to see
that he's still there that you have somebody
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to talk to. We found out that we at one point
worked at the same building. Yeah. In downtown in
0:10:38.240,0:10:42.320
downtown San Jose at the same time and different
floors, right? And I said, "No, I worked at the
0:10:42.320,0:10:47.680
Twin Towers." And he said, "I worked at the Twin
Towers?" Yes. Yeah. Second. And then we would buy
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lunch at the same the same sandwich place across
the street. And we were both at at San Jose State
0:10:54.960,0:11:02.560
at the same time. We would talk about Oh, yeah. I
used to walk by where they would hang out. He with
0:11:02.560,0:11:10.480
his friends, but obviously because I was with my
partner then, I wasn't looking around, right? But
0:11:10.480,0:11:15.760
then I knew where he was exactly hanging out. We
would walk bikes. I would either go to Burger King
0:11:15.760,0:11:23.200
or Jama or make copies at the copy center. So,
we honestly feel like at what point or another
0:11:23.200,0:11:30.560
that we would have seen each other and there was
a even funnier was okay that was year 2000. So,
0:11:30.560,0:11:36.640
at the turn of the year, so Y2K, we were actually
in the Philippines at the same time. At the same
0:11:36.640,0:11:42.320
time, what? Yes. And it wasn't until like months
later when we were talking about it and I said,
0:11:42.320,0:11:47.520
"I was there." And he was like, "No way. I was
also in the Philippines." And at one point too
0:11:47.520,0:11:55.680
at San Jose State, I wanted to join Akbayan,
the Filipino American group. And I went to like
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the meet and greet with a friend of mine and it
was the worst experience ever. We literally sat
0:12:02.080,0:12:10.160
there and no one paid attention to us, right?
and we left and we said it's so clickish like
0:12:10.160,0:12:15.360
they all know each other already like they're
not going to welcome anybody and at that point
0:12:15.360,0:12:21.600
he was part of it already but I was probably
not at that meeting because there's two parts
0:12:21.600,0:12:28.000
of that group there's the actual group part and
then there's the cultural side that does the
0:12:28.000,0:12:34.480
the the the PCN's and all that and that's who I
associate with I guess long story short if you're
0:12:34.480,0:12:44.000
going believe in fate. There were so many chances
that we could have met and we didn't. But you met
0:12:44.000,0:12:48.720
you met after your you were done with school. Oh
yeah. Yes. But you were at the same school. We
0:12:48.720,0:12:57.440
were at the same school and we worked at the same
building. So that's story B. Because again in in
0:12:57.440,0:13:03.920
2000 it was like it was not taboo. I feel like
I feel like it was like that for a while, right?
0:13:03.920,0:13:08.960
that was the norm. But I remember when I was in
college and Tinder was starting to become a thing,
0:13:08.960,0:13:15.760
like that was still kind of like on Tinder, right?
And then I think this was like in the beginning of
0:13:15.760,0:13:21.360
2000. It was like right after the holidays. Okay.
Yeah. And then in March was when we finally said,
0:13:21.360,0:13:28.560
"Hey, do you want to meet in person?" Yeah. But
it was still platonic. It was a very friendly
0:13:28.560,0:13:33.840
kind of we made it out of the chat I think and we
just started talking to each other on the phone
0:13:33.840,0:13:39.760
and then on one Yeah. on the actual phone on the
landline, right? Was it landline? It was landline.
0:13:39.760,0:13:45.840
Oh my gosh. Then he was he was scheduled
to drive down to spend the weekend with his
0:13:45.840,0:13:53.120
parents and then he said, "Hey, you know, do you
want to finally meet?" And I said, "Why not?" So,
0:13:53.120,0:13:58.880
we decided to meet at the bookstore at Borders. I
don't know who Borders and Mitas go. Right. Yes.
0:13:58.880,0:14:04.560
And it just so happened that that that day that we
were supposed to meet, I started running a fever,
0:14:04.560,0:14:10.000
but I'm like, you know what? What? Whatever.
What's the dinner? And so, we met and then for
0:14:10.000,0:14:15.760
some reason because again, like I think
it was just like there was no pretense,
0:14:15.760,0:14:20.480
romantic pretense. I was like he was like, "Do you
want me to drive? Do you want to drive?" I'm like,
0:14:20.480,0:14:23.520
"Sure, I I'll ride with you." I'm like, "What
the hell?" You know, if you think about it now,
0:14:23.520,0:14:28.160
like you ride with a stranger and you've only met
a couple of months ago and you get in his car,
0:14:28.160,0:14:34.480
but but by then you had like realized that you had
been in the similar spaces. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cuz we
0:14:34.480,0:14:37.600
started saying like, "What do you what do you mean
you were in the Philippines same time? What do you
0:14:37.600,0:14:41.360
mean you worked at the Twin Towers? What do you
mean you were hanging out there when I would walk
0:14:41.360,0:14:48.240
by?" So, I think knowing that there were so many
things that could have been the opportunity to
0:14:48.240,0:14:54.720
meet, but we didn't. you just kind of like that is
so crazy, right? Nuts. I guess you'd say that was
0:14:54.720,0:15:04.640
our first date. So, we went to Original Joe's in
downtown and so we sat there, right? And we were
0:15:04.640,0:15:11.920
ordering and then I ordered my food and then
I said, "And I would like a side of mushrooms,
0:15:11.920,0:15:17.120
please." And then it was his turn to order food.
And he ordered his food and then he said and
0:15:17.120,0:15:22.240
oh we're just going to sh Oh, I think she asked
you were asked like what size do you want? Yeah,
0:15:22.240,0:15:26.080
cuz I got a steak and I And then he said, "Oh,
we're just going to share the mushroom." And
0:15:26.080,0:15:30.480
I looked at him and I said, "We're not sharing
mushrooms." No, I think it was, "Would you like
0:15:30.480,0:15:34.240
to share mushroom?" Right. Cuz otherwise I was
going to get my own. Right. And then I looked at
0:15:34.240,0:15:39.200
him and I said, "I'm not sharing my mushroom." And
I wasn't even joking. Like I was literally looking
0:15:39.200,0:15:45.520
at him like, "No, right. get your own. And he said
it was at that moment and he was like, "All right,
0:15:45.520,0:15:50.320
this girl's cool cuz she's going to eat like
she doesn't eat like a bird." Like, you know,
0:15:50.320,0:15:56.720
first date. Oh, just let me have three crumbs
and an M&M. After that, I told him, "I'm sorry,
0:15:56.720,0:16:01.360
but you know, I'm really not feeling well." So,
I think we're going to have to call it an early
0:16:01.360,0:16:08.240
night. And he was like, "That's totally fine."
So, we drove back to Borders and then I think
0:16:08.240,0:16:12.560
we hugged and then we're like, "Okay, well, it's
either I'll see you online or I'll I'll I'll call
0:16:12.560,0:16:18.000
you." What were your guys' first impressions of
each other when Cuz I know it wasn't romantic or
0:16:18.000,0:16:22.960
anything. There was no intention, but like, do you
remember what your first impressions were? Yes and
0:16:22.960,0:16:26.880
no. I remember I remember what you were wearing.
You were wearing that blue shirt with like Chinese
0:16:26.880,0:16:32.000
characters on it. Um, okay. Wow. I don't know
where you bought that shirt because now I'm not
0:16:32.000,0:16:37.040
going to let you wear that. No, no, it was it just
felt comfortable, right? Like it wasn't again,
0:16:37.040,0:16:42.080
you know, I think if it wasn't comfortable like
why was I crazy enough to ride with a stranger?
0:16:42.080,0:16:49.200
But I think there was that comfort level that it
wasn't a question. No, it wasn't. Right. It was
0:16:49.200,0:16:54.480
just so comfortable and it was very comfortable.
I remember the dinner being very light-hearted
0:16:54.480,0:16:59.520
regardless of how I was feeling. conversation was
flowing back and like it was really it was really
0:16:59.520,0:17:04.640
like it was it was like we were building more of
a friendship and it was great to finally have that
0:17:04.640,0:17:10.800
conversation person like and you put the face to
the name right because then oh we were able to
0:17:10.800,0:17:18.080
take that conversation and all that commonalities
that we we discovered we had in person and not
0:17:18.080,0:17:25.600
just over a computer or not just over the because
I think eventually we we weren't even online like
0:17:25.600,0:17:30.800
We were literally talking on the phone. And
again, with it being so new, you couldn't
0:17:30.800,0:17:35.360
attach a picture to it back then. Yeah. You just
knew each other's voices. You just knew the Well,
0:17:35.360,0:17:41.040
you knew the the the words, the name, the screen
name, and then eventually the voices and then to
0:17:41.040,0:17:47.680
finally put a face to it. It's like, oh, this is
a cool extra level. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like this
0:17:47.680,0:17:52.800
is an actual person that is an actual person, you
know, is a human being. Yeah. So that's story B.
0:17:52.800,0:17:59.680
Yeah. What is story A? story a was and I don't
even know how my girlfriend again because again
0:17:59.680,0:18:06.800
at that time it was not it was not the norm and
I didn't know how people would accept it and we
0:18:06.800,0:18:11.360
didn't know if it was and the funny thing is it's
like you know what we we didn't even say anything
0:18:11.360,0:18:16.720
we were engaged and then we we're married we're
23 years into it and we never talked about story
0:18:16.720,0:18:22.880
it was never a good time because because story
A was what we told people and we needed to stick
0:18:22.880,0:18:29.360
with story A and story A was that you know I think
she was saying well there were all these places
0:18:29.360,0:18:35.440
that you guys could have met and you can just say
you just met at school. So if you ask us and I'm
0:18:35.440,0:18:41.280
so sorry Jake because I know Jake has asked us a
few times like hey how did you guys meet? We met
0:18:41.280,0:18:47.760
at school. We met at San Jose State. We met right
story B started just after the holidays because we
0:18:47.760,0:18:53.920
just both came back from the Philippines February
Marchish. Right. And then our original Joe's
0:18:53.920,0:19:01.920
meeting took place around March. March. Mhm. And
then in April, like I said, and you know, I was
0:19:01.920,0:19:10.640
in a long-term relationship. Um, he went to the
Philippines in April and he was going to meet up
0:19:10.640,0:19:18.480
with my best friend. And so we met for dinner just
before he was leaving cuz I had some stuff that I
0:19:18.480,0:19:27.200
wanted to send to her. the conversation kind of
just turned more serious and he basically said,
0:19:27.200,0:19:38.240
"Wait for me. When I come back, we will talk."
Mhm. So I was 23 something 23 or 24 at this time,
0:19:38.240,0:19:47.440
right? So then I said, "Okay, I will wait for
you and we will talk when you get back." Mhm.
0:19:47.440,0:19:55.440
So this is April. I've already met him. We would
see each other but then it wasn't anything serious
0:19:55.440,0:20:03.200
and it wasn't defined basically. So he goes to the
Philippines and he comes back after 2 weeks and it
0:20:03.200,0:20:07.760
was I remember it was a Sunday. Nelson and I had
plans and again this one I think you were still
0:20:07.760,0:20:13.040
in Sacramento at this time. Nelson and I had
plans to meet in Oakland at Spaghetti Factory
0:20:13.040,0:20:19.280
for lunch on a Sunday. So I get in the car. I get
ready. I was excited like, "Oh, yay. I get to see
0:20:19.280,0:20:24.800
him again." Is this the second time? Second.
Yes. Yeah. And I was in the car by Walgreens,
0:20:24.800,0:20:31.760
by Papa Grandma's house. Yeah. My brick of a cell
phone rings, right? And I pick up the phone and
0:20:31.760,0:20:36.720
back then it was like I I feel like there was no
call ID, no nothing. I don't know. Or maybe it
0:20:36.720,0:20:42.080
was just a number. It was just a number. And
I I think I did not check the phone number.
0:20:42.080,0:20:48.320
All I know is I picked it up and the person on the
other end says, "Where are you?" And then I said,
0:20:48.320,0:20:54.960
"I am so sorry I am running late, but I'll
be there in half an hour." And then he says,
0:20:54.960,0:21:01.200
"I'm at your parents' house." And then that's when
it clicked to me that I was not talking to Nelson.
0:21:01.200,0:21:08.560
And I said, "Oh my god." Oh, I forgot that you
were coming home. And he said, "I thought you were
0:21:08.560,0:21:15.120
at church. That's why, you know, but I didn't see
you there. So, I came over here. You had a choice.
0:21:15.120,0:21:24.960
I literally had a choice between turning around
and rekindling, I guess. Yeah. A relationship
0:21:24.960,0:21:35.520
that had no no plans. I was waiting. Mhm. I had
a choice between waiting some more or starting
0:21:35.520,0:21:45.600
fresh. and starting fresh with no preconceived
ideas of where it's going to go. But for me,
0:21:45.600,0:21:54.640
I felt like, do I really want to wait another
year? Mhm. Drag it on until he's ready, or do
0:21:54.640,0:22:01.600
I want to start something new, maybe with him or
maybe with somebody else, but at least have some
0:22:01.600,0:22:09.200
idea of where my future is going to go. Mhm. And
long story short, I drove to Oakland and we had
0:22:09.200,0:22:13.360
lunch at Spaghetti Factory. You had no idea any
of this was happening. None. You were just like,
0:22:13.360,0:22:17.760
"Yeah, that was clueless. I didn't even know."
None of it. Wait, so what happened then? Did you
0:22:17.760,0:22:22.560
just When you were on the phone and you realized
it wasn't Tito that you were talking to? I told
0:22:22.560,0:22:30.160
him I had plans for lunch. Okay. And that we will
just I'll just call you. Yeah. And I did see him
0:22:30.160,0:22:37.280
after because I had stuff for my best friend. I
those were more important to me for sure to Annie
0:22:37.280,0:22:44.400
actually she sat me down she said where is this
going yeah eight years and I said I don't know
0:22:44.400,0:22:51.520
where it's going and the reason why I'm asking you
is I think he has this notion of I have my woman
0:22:51.520,0:22:58.240
on the side she's ready so let me do what I want
to do first because I know I have somebody to come
0:22:58.240,0:23:04.160
back to and she kind of put that in perspective
for me because I'm like that's not me. Like, why
0:23:04.160,0:23:10.480
would I wait? But then why did I also stay, you
know, for as long as I did? So, I think it it was,
0:23:10.480,0:23:17.680
you know, I got to the point where do I want to
be cuz I'm not getting any younger. And Yeah. So,
0:23:17.680,0:23:24.880
it was literally and figuratively a choice I had
to make. Yeah. And I chose to drive to Oakland
0:23:24.880,0:23:29.840
and and have lunch at Spaghetti Factory. Sounds
like that was the good choice. I think so. Yeah.
0:23:29.840,0:23:36.400
The right choice. 25 years later it's and
I think I for myself counter to that I was
0:23:36.400,0:23:44.320
already done with that life. I was what, 26? 27.
Yeah, almost 27 at that point. And I'm like, I'm
0:23:44.320,0:23:53.680
ready to date to marry versus date to just date,
you know? And so I were in like similar places,
0:23:53.680,0:23:59.360
right? I may not have been like completely settled
with work because of the dot thing and all that,
0:23:59.360,0:24:07.760
but I was already at the point where I'm looking
for a relationship versus just a just dating
0:24:07.760,0:24:13.920
dating and the situationship if that's what ended
up happening. But yeah. Yeah. So, this was I think
0:24:13.920,0:24:21.120
this was April April of 2000. Okay. Early I want
to say early and then it wasn't until May. May I
0:24:21.120,0:24:29.360
think end of May 23rd was when we decided and I I
remember talking to him and telling him I kind of
0:24:29.360,0:24:35.360
want to know where this is going to go. We were on
the same page cuz because I I don't have time to
0:24:35.360,0:24:41.360
date around May by then you guys had been talking
for like a couple months. So was it moving fast?
0:24:41.360,0:24:47.920
Like I think so, right? But then it was also like
I I want to know where you see this. And I just
0:24:47.920,0:24:55.200
remember asking you, are we on the same page here?
Right. And then we kind of just, yeah, I'm I'm I'm
0:24:55.200,0:25:01.280
with you and yeah, I'm with you. I'm in it if
you are kind of thing. And then so that that's
0:25:01.280,0:25:06.800
it. That's kind of how it happened. Yeah. Yeah.
So that was it sound really easy the conversation.
0:25:06.800,0:25:12.640
It was it was it was like, hey, so what's going
on? It's like, well, I'm in it. I mean, I do. It
0:25:12.640,0:25:18.400
probably doesn't sound as romantic as we No, but
it was just it was just like a natural progression
0:25:18.400,0:25:26.000
and so that's story B. Wow. How does it feel to
talk about it on record? And that's why I told you
0:25:26.000,0:25:32.400
today like okay because it's stupid that we stuck
to story A for as long as we did. But then it was
0:25:32.400,0:25:36.160
like it just kept perpetuating. It's just like
there was never a good time to be like oh yeah
0:25:36.160,0:25:41.840
by the way. By the way, right? And then in the 25
years we've been together, no one has really asked
0:25:41.840,0:25:46.880
us how we met except for Jake. I remember like in
recently he asked us and was like, "Yeah, yeah,
0:25:46.880,0:25:52.480
we met at school anyway." You know, because Yeah.
Cuz that's just the been the story and because of
0:25:52.480,0:25:58.000
the stigma around at the time at that time that
it was like, "Oh god, what are our parents going
0:25:58.000,0:26:03.120
to say or what are our siblings going to say?" And
then now it's like, "Oh god, what are my children
0:26:03.120,0:26:08.160
going to say?" But then that's how everyone
meets now. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny though
0:26:08.160,0:26:12.960
that you guys met online and it wasn't even like
a dating set. It wasn't even dating set and you
0:26:12.960,0:26:17.280
met and you had so much in common. You were
both Filipinos from the Bay Area. You know,
0:26:17.280,0:26:23.440
you both had like very similar lives. Very similar
lives. Right. And I think maybe that's why it made
0:26:23.440,0:26:29.040
sense. It made sense to start talking and chatting
up with each other because of all those common
0:26:29.040,0:26:34.960
things that we had. Yeah. Now, now you can say it
proudly right now cuz it's all out in the open.
0:26:34.960,0:26:44.160
Yeah. Pioneers are the OGs, man. Pioneers. That
is so funny. What was a Yahoo? Yahoo personals.
0:26:44.160,0:26:48.480
I thought it was chat. No, they there was a whole
chat thing, but there was a personals thing. Oh,
0:26:48.480,0:26:54.880
that kind of attached to it. Did I go in the wrong
room then? I don't know. I know. I just wandered.
0:26:54.880,0:27:00.000
But again, like I said, it was I was just ranting.
So that story. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you. I'm
0:27:00.000,0:27:05.360
honored to be the place where you came out with
this story. How long were you dating? two years
0:27:05.360,0:27:11.520
right before you got married. Yes, we started we
started dating in two May 2000 and then we got
0:27:11.520,0:27:17.920
married in May 2002. How did you propose Tito?
Or like actually before we even go there, how
0:27:17.920,0:27:22.640
was like the two years that you guys were dating?
Cuz Tito, you were still in Sacramento, right? I
0:27:22.640,0:27:28.560
was living in Sacramento. I probably moved down.
Gosh, I want to say probably that summer. Were you
0:27:28.560,0:27:34.000
guys doing like the long distanceish thing where
Oh gosh, yes. Yeah, there was a point where, okay,
0:27:34.000,0:27:39.040
this is even going to date us even more. There
was still quite a bit of longist rates as far as
0:27:39.040,0:27:47.280
paying for cell phone, landline phone calls. So,
it wasn't like like how it is now flat rate and
0:27:47.280,0:27:52.000
you can call anybody at any time and anywhere,
right? Even Sacramento. Even Sacramento. So,
0:27:52.000,0:27:58.640
like like the cell phones back then, if I don't
know if you remember, where you couldn't really
0:27:58.640,0:28:03.440
you would get you would get long distance rates
up until like 8:00 p.m. and then as soon as you
0:28:03.440,0:28:10.480
call from 8:00 p.m. to 8 to like 8:00 a.m. 8 a.m.
It's free or cheaper cheaper. Right. Right. So,
0:28:10.480,0:28:18.160
in order for us to save money at the Great Mall,
there used to be this kiosk where they would sell
0:28:18.160,0:28:25.680
uh prepaid phone cards. Oh my gosh. at like I
don't know like 20 bucks for like 1,000 minutes.
0:28:25.680,0:28:32.480
It would be like a,000 minutes for like 20 bucks.
Yeah. And so I would use up my my my thousand
0:28:32.480,0:28:38.640
minutes and then the card that I would get her
she would use that thousand minutes and then that
0:28:38.640,0:28:43.440
would be our week and then you know I'd come back
down and buy another card. Do you remember that?
0:28:43.440,0:28:50.320
completely forgot about that. Also because back
then like my cell phone Nanu was paying for. So
0:28:50.320,0:28:55.520
I couldn't really like use it because then he
would know how many minutes I've used. So I
0:28:55.520,0:28:59.520
would literally just call him and said, "Okay,
I'm I'm leaving work now. I'm go I'm on my way
0:28:59.520,0:29:05.200
home. Bye." You know, and then we'll talk later
when it's cheaper. And then I would come down
0:29:05.200,0:29:14.480
on weekends and we would go to the movies or go
out to eat. And Sunday I drive back home. Yeah.
0:29:14.480,0:29:22.400
Drive back up Sacramento. And then again Julyish
I decided to to just stay down. Stay down here. So
0:29:22.400,0:29:28.480
did you you were still working in Sacramento. Did
you leave your job? I left my job. And Wow. Yeah.
0:29:28.480,0:29:33.120
Just kind of up. I mean Sacramento was kind of a
it was like a temporary not temporary. Maybe it
0:29:33.120,0:29:36.960
was temporary but like you had moved there because
there was nothing here. There was nothing here.
0:29:36.960,0:29:43.840
But by the time you got back, I was temp jobbing
for a while until I kind of found a couple
0:29:43.840,0:29:50.880
things semi-permanent. Yeah. And then, you know,
eventually ended up at a job at at a law firm. Oh,
0:29:50.880,0:29:54.960
wow. Yeah. I did a lot of different kinds of
work. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I was And where did you
0:29:54.960,0:30:01.280
live? I ended up in an apartment in downtown San
Jose. Oh, gosh. Yeah. It was a tiny little studio
0:30:01.280,0:30:04.480
apartment right around the corner from Right
around the corner from the Spaghetti Factory.
0:30:04.480,0:30:11.840
Spaghetti Factory. I remember it took $500 to
furnish that that studio. We drove to IKEA. Oh,
0:30:11.840,0:30:18.560
you helped him furnish it? Yeah. And then it was
literally very small. And he parked at the garage
0:30:18.560,0:30:23.840
in front of Spaghetti Factory, the San Pedro
garage. And he had he couldn't go home until
0:30:23.840,0:30:32.320
after 7. Yes. Because And then he had to be out of
there by by 7. It was like the 7 to 7. So he would
0:30:32.320,0:30:38.960
because then parking would be free. Oh, I see.
Yeah. So then after work he would hang out at Papa
0:30:38.960,0:30:44.960
and Grandma's and then you know he'll just have
dinner with us. So then when he gets back to San
0:30:44.960,0:30:50.400
Jose he can park for free at the garage and then
he had to be out in the morning to go to work. So,
0:30:50.400,0:30:55.440
what was it like, Tito, since you were so like you
had to come over and just hang out and have dinner
0:30:55.440,0:31:01.120
at Papa and Grandma's house every day? Like,
it was a kind of like an old school courtship,
0:31:01.120,0:31:08.080
I guess. I at least in my head as the as a
Filipino guy, right? Right. That's kind of what
0:31:08.080,0:31:13.120
they did in the Philippines. It's like you pick
the girl and you like meet the Cuz like I know my
0:31:13.120,0:31:18.480
cousins and things like that, that's how they did
it, you know? They you they spent a lot of time at
0:31:18.480,0:31:25.840
the girlfriend's house and you know that family
got to know you just as much as you got to know
0:31:25.840,0:31:32.400
them. It was slow in a weird kind of sense, but
then it was still it was fast at the same time
0:31:32.400,0:31:39.200
because again we're at the point we're like you're
you're going to be it for me. And I think because
0:31:39.200,0:31:46.960
was Belle already? Yeah, Belle was already born
and it was almost like he had no choice. Whatever
0:31:46.960,0:31:56.880
spare time I had, I wanted to be with you guys.
And so every time I wanted to go see you guys,
0:31:56.880,0:32:02.080
he had no choice. I was, right? He had to he
had to come with me because that was my idea
0:32:02.080,0:32:06.480
of like I don't know, I guess a Friday night or a
weekend is like I want to go see my nieces, right?
0:32:06.480,0:32:12.240
You're not trying to go clubbing. No, not at all.
And so that was like our routine and he kind of
0:32:12.240,0:32:17.920
just like he knew that was what how our weekends
were going. So you really did watch us grow up,
0:32:17.920,0:32:23.200
Tito. He literally did. Yeah, actually. Yeah. And
then how did you propose, Tito? I don't actually
0:32:23.200,0:32:27.680
think I know the story. It was not planned at
all. It wasn't really It was not planned at all.
0:32:27.680,0:32:35.760
This Okay, you have to understand. We're not like
the We're not like the big grandiose kind of No.
0:32:35.760,0:32:44.000
And I always said, if you're going to all of a
sudden say, "Hey, we're going to Napa and we're
0:32:44.000,0:32:50.400
gonna get a spa date and we're going to do this."
Then I'm going to know that it's going to happen,
0:32:50.400,0:32:55.920
right? Because it's not it's not character. It's
not us, right? But then this more serious we got,
0:32:55.920,0:33:02.160
I started thinking, oh crap, I shouldn't
have said that because I have a feeling he's
0:33:02.160,0:33:07.760
going to do it in the middle of Taco Bell and
that's not what I want to happen. I was like,
0:33:07.760,0:33:12.960
I should not have said that. I don't want like
the nice proposal because I'm not as if there's
0:33:12.960,0:33:18.720
no like in between. It's like Taco Bell or Taco
Bell or Nappa like one of those. We had gone to
0:33:18.720,0:33:25.680
my parents house and we were driving back late
and I needed to get her home. On the drive home,
0:33:25.680,0:33:31.840
all of a sudden, our conversation just kind of got
serious. Like, it's always the car conversation
0:33:31.840,0:33:35.360
always. Cuz you're in there by yourself. You
know, there's nobody to share your conversation
0:33:35.360,0:33:41.120
with. But we just started talking like you're
it for me. I'm done. I looked at her and I said,
0:33:41.120,0:33:46.080
"Are we doing this?" And she looked at me and
said, "Are we doing this?" And then all of a
0:33:46.080,0:33:53.520
sudden I found myself pulling. I still remember we
pulled off Bernal off the Bernal exit in Pleasant.
0:33:53.520,0:34:00.800
It's like close to Nanu's house near Nanu's house.
And there was just some random business park right
0:34:00.800,0:34:07.760
around the corner there. And I found a space right
underneath a light. I got out of the car. No ring,
0:34:07.760,0:34:14.720
no nothing, nothing. Yeah. She opened the door on
the other side and I got down on my knee. I asked.
0:34:14.720,0:34:21.200
Yeah. She said yes. And then we got back into
the car. And as I'm getting back into the car,
0:34:21.200,0:34:26.560
security is coming up on that truck, right? Oh my
god. I forgot about And then security's asking,
0:34:26.560,0:34:31.760
"Are you guys okay?" And I'm like, "Yeah, we just
got Yeah. He was like, "You can't be here." You
0:34:31.760,0:34:41.040
know, the security's like here. Yeah. And so we
drove back to Militus giddy as as can be. But he
0:34:41.040,0:34:45.840
also Okay. Like that was like we knew, right?
Okay, we're eventually going to do I love that
0:34:45.840,0:34:50.160
you didn't like prolong it. It's like, okay, now
we have to plan for the proposal. It's like we're
0:34:50.160,0:34:54.240
doing this. Yeah. Okay, let me just get on one
knee right now. But you know, after that, like
0:34:54.240,0:35:04.560
he you know, he also he's he did the whole talking
to we did the thing where we It was kind of funny
0:35:04.560,0:35:11.680
cuz we sat down with Papa and Grandma. I said, you
know, we've been dating for a little while and you
0:35:11.680,0:35:16.960
know, I just wanted to. And meanwhile, this one
is already crying, you know, because of course,
0:35:16.960,0:35:22.800
she's always crying. Papa said, "Okay." Yeah. And
then after that, we had dinner, I think, because
0:35:22.800,0:35:27.600
Yeah. I think I don't know. They cooked. So, we we
didn't go out for like a celebratory dinner. We we
0:35:27.600,0:35:34.160
went to the dining room. I think also because they
knew that his intentions were well and good. like
0:35:34.160,0:35:40.880
he was literally consciously trying to be a part
of your life. Be a part of of of everybody that's
0:35:40.880,0:35:49.520
part of my life. And there was no ring. And the
funny thing about the ring, he gave it to me on
0:35:49.520,0:35:53.920
the day that I found out that I was getting laid
off. That's not what I thought you were going to
0:35:53.920,0:35:58.720
say. It was like a dinner that everybody was
home and you were going to you you gave it
0:35:58.720,0:36:04.080
to me when it was just you and me. Yeah. But I
guess it was planned that everybody was going to
0:36:04.080,0:36:10.320
be home and we were going to celebrate. However,
oh, it was like it was like a sad day because I
0:36:10.320,0:36:18.320
lost my job. I mean, I got engaged, but I lost my
job. So, I actually gave her the ring at Borders.
0:36:18.320,0:36:22.400
But, I mean, that feels very romantic
in that that's where you guys first met,
0:36:22.400,0:36:27.760
right? Except after we had dinner, we went to
we like we normally used to do with the whole
0:36:27.760,0:36:34.000
family. Like so much of what we did involved
involved the whole family. So cuz like we would
0:36:34.000,0:36:39.040
do a night where you know after dinner we'd all
just go to Borders or we'd go to Walgreens. We'll
0:36:39.040,0:36:44.720
go to Walmart and we'll go as a walk around. So we
went to we went to Borders. We were at the parking
0:36:44.720,0:36:49.360
lot and just after we just got out of the car and
I you know I got down on my knee on her side and
0:36:49.360,0:36:54.400
said again you know and I and I gave her the ring.
Well that was that must have been a mixed bag for
0:36:54.400,0:36:59.440
you then nanny. Yeah. But it probably was like
after that really hard day. It was It was good
0:36:59.440,0:37:04.080
to at least end it on a a really great note,
right? Yeah. And then how long were you guys
0:37:04.080,0:37:11.520
engaged for? That was a little actually a little
over a year. Which grandma was not a fan of? Yeah.
0:37:11.520,0:37:18.240
Why? She always thought that so many things can
happen if you have a long engagement. Right. If
0:37:18.240,0:37:24.880
it's a year is a long engagement. I think back
then it was in their time. you say, "Oh, these
0:37:24.880,0:37:32.320
are my intentions. I want to marry so and so." And
then in 6 weeks they're married. And I said, "Mom,
0:37:32.320,0:37:35.680
doesn't work that way. It doesn't work like
that here, right?" And she was like, "Yeah,
0:37:35.680,0:37:42.720
but it's such a long time and so many things can
happen." And we're like, "No, it it's it's it's it
0:37:42.720,0:37:47.440
was the right amount of time." Yeah, for sure. And
you had the wedding here. Yes. In Mountain View.
0:37:47.440,0:37:55.200
So, we got married in Mountain View and then the
reception was in Alto. Yeah. I have some memories
0:37:55.200,0:38:02.480
of that of that day. Yes. They like to make fun of
me because I made it about me walking down. It was
0:38:02.480,0:38:08.320
It was very cute. It was very cute. I had On the
record, someone told me to do that. I I had what,
0:38:08.320,0:38:15.440
six flower girls? Yeah. So, I was a flower girl.
My nieces and and it was it was very cute. It was
0:38:15.440,0:38:21.600
very cute. Everybody had their own personality.
One was crying down the aisle. Belle and the
0:38:21.600,0:38:27.440
other one took her time and waved at everybody.
So, it was very cute. Yeah, these stories of me
0:38:27.440,0:38:33.200
keep coming up during these episodes. Not knowing
the Build-A-Bear story. Gosh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we
0:38:33.200,0:38:39.840
all know that, too. Okay. And then you got married
what year? May 2002. Two. Oh, okay. And then Jake
0:38:39.840,0:38:47.840
was born 2003. Did you have the kids conversation
really early on or? Well, I I also kind of just
0:38:47.840,0:38:53.680
want to say this and I was the early 20s kind of
woman that said, "I don't want to have children.
0:38:53.680,0:38:59.440
I don't even want to get married. I already have
my nieces. I'm okay with that." Right? And then I
0:38:59.440,0:39:06.240
guess, you know, it takes meeting somebody that
you're like, "Okay, this is who I want to spend
0:39:06.240,0:39:12.000
the rest of my life with and this is who I want
to build a family with." Yeah. And so it took
0:39:12.000,0:39:18.560
meeting him and seeing his perspective to make
me change my mind. And then I'm so glad that I
0:39:18.560,0:39:28.720
did. I didn't know that because, you know, I was
also the the scorned, bitter, angry Asian woman,
0:39:28.720,0:39:35.600
but I'm so glad in heaven. Yes. And and so Yeah.
No, I understand that feeling of like it does take
0:39:35.600,0:39:40.080
the right person. Correct. Yeah. cuz then it's
like, oh, like I can see us doing this together.
0:39:40.080,0:39:43.120
Correct. Versus like when you're before the
right person, it's just like, oh, like can
0:39:43.120,0:39:48.880
I see myself having kids? Can I see myself? You
know, but it's easy to change when you have the
0:39:48.880,0:39:57.520
right person. For sure. So Jake came next. Yes.
We got married in May and everyone was saying,
0:39:57.520,0:40:03.680
"Oh, when are you going to have a baby?" Yeah.
And we're like, "We literally just got married,
0:40:03.680,0:40:09.120
people." Right. And we weren't planning and we
were not planning we were planning on doing some
0:40:09.120,0:40:15.520
travel and kind of getting to know each other cuz
she never didn't live together. We didn't live
0:40:15.520,0:40:19.760
together before. And so you moved in after you got
married, correct? Cuz you know, papa and grandma
0:40:19.760,0:40:25.680
would not have had it for sure. The funny thing
was we got married in May. Mhm. And then in July,
0:40:25.680,0:40:33.440
Fourth of July weekend, we went to Vegas with
his family. Yes. And we were in the pool with the
0:40:33.440,0:40:40.320
whole family and and I was doing belly flops like
to nobody's you no one me there was nobody else
0:40:40.320,0:40:45.600
there was nobody else in the pool and I'm like
check me out right I would do belly flops and then
0:40:45.600,0:40:52.320
that night we went to the buffet with the rest of
the family and mind you this was Tito and Tito Ed
0:40:52.320,0:40:58.080
you know they're men they have bigger appetites
and I easily out ate them she ate us under the
0:40:58.080,0:41:04.560
table we come back from vacation and grandma
said why do I have a feeling you're pregnant
0:41:04.560,0:41:12.560
grandma? Really? Yes. And I said, "Y'all are crazy
cuz I am not pregnant on your birthday." Yes,
0:41:12.560,0:41:18.320
that's right. At your house. Yeah. Your apartment
on Cherry, right? I remember this. We walk in
0:41:18.320,0:41:25.600
late. I was literally just walking in the door
and grandma said, "I brought some pregnancy tests
0:41:25.600,0:41:33.280
here from work." And in my head, relax people.
Let me eat dinner and I'm going to go to the
0:41:33.280,0:41:38.160
bathroom and I'm going to prove to y'all that I'm
not pregnant. Everyone was like waiting for me to
0:41:38.160,0:41:44.560
finish eating. So I did the test. It hasn't even
been 30 seconds. Your mom was in the bathroom.
0:41:44.560,0:41:50.400
Dito was in the bathroom. Grandma was in the
bathroom. And we all found out at the same time.
0:41:50.400,0:42:00.480
And then we looked at each other like, "Oh my god,
we're pregnant." And you, yes, you took it upon
0:42:00.480,0:42:06.800
yourself to be the town crier. And the following
day was your birthday party with your classmates.
0:42:06.800,0:42:14.640
And by the time we got there, you've managed to
tell people that my nanny is pregnant, right?
0:42:14.640,0:42:21.520
I'm so sorry. And your mom walked around
and did damage control and said, "No,
0:42:21.520,0:42:28.160
Ena just wishes her aunt is pregnant because
she really wants a cousin." But, you know,
0:42:28.160,0:42:33.200
it was it was too early obviously to tell people.
It was like, yeah, you had just taken the test. I
0:42:33.200,0:42:38.480
literally just took the test and we haven't gone
to the doctors to get it confirmed or whatever,
0:42:38.480,0:42:47.520
but but yeah, you you told everybody
that we were having a baby. So, sorry.
0:42:47.520,0:42:53.600
God, I the I had back then was like insane. But,
you know, that's totally fine. To your defense
0:42:53.600,0:42:58.720
though, you were part of everything, right? You
know, I mean, you were It was your birthday. It
0:42:58.720,0:43:05.360
was your birthday, but I mean literally from the
time I knew you, you were part of everything. So,
0:43:05.360,0:43:10.560
right. So, it just it just made sense that you
were the one who told everybody. Were you guys
0:43:10.560,0:43:15.600
trying to get pregnant by then? Right. Cuz you
wanted to like travel, right? And again, you know,
0:43:15.600,0:43:23.680
we were just we were literally newly wed. Okay.
And then Jake Jake came March 2003. 2003. The
0:43:23.680,0:43:32.160
menace. Yes. Yes. We were we were enemies
for a long time. After we gave birth to Jake,
0:43:32.160,0:43:36.640
we were still in the hospital. I remember looking
out the window and I even Oh, in the parking lot.
0:43:36.640,0:43:42.640
Yeah. Seeing you and your sister skipping just
skipping like so excited that you're I'm going
0:43:42.640,0:43:47.600
to see my I'm going to see my baby cousin. I could
see you from our room. And I think it was the day
0:43:47.600,0:43:54.480
after I gave birth. The funny story was when I was
admitted the night before cuz it was a a scheduled
0:43:54.480,0:44:01.040
C-section and and then my water broke like 4 in
the morning. Yes. Very early in the morning. Your
0:44:01.040,0:44:07.760
mom's job was to pick up my mother-in-law at his
aunt's house and then head to the hospital. She
0:44:07.760,0:44:11.040
did not want to pick up my mother-in-law because
she wanted to go straight to the hospital because
0:44:11.040,0:44:14.960
she was afraid that the baby was going to come
out and she wouldn't be there. And she was like,
0:44:14.960,0:44:18.960
"No, I can't I cannot. I have to be at the
hospital already." But the funny thing was,
0:44:18.960,0:44:23.680
this is early in the morning. I didn't give birth
until like 7:00 at night. Your mom braided my hair
0:44:23.680,0:44:28.560
to make sure that, you know, it's out of my face.
And then she was putting on like powder on me
0:44:28.560,0:44:33.120
because I was shiny. She wanted to make sure that
I was presentable by the time I gave birth. So,
0:44:33.120,0:44:37.280
that was really cute. That is really cute. That is
really cute. But that like must have been such a
0:44:37.280,0:44:44.000
fun moment for her. Yeah. Because like, you know,
she Belle and I were already I don't know how old
0:44:44.000,0:44:50.560
I was then. And I think as much as I looked at
you guys as like my pseudo children, she also
0:44:50.560,0:44:57.680
did the same with Jake. Like like it was her turn
to be that aunt for you. And then so after Jake,
0:44:57.680,0:45:03.360
did you guys know that you wanted to have
more kids? Not initially. Initially, it wasn't
0:45:03.360,0:45:09.040
something that we talked about like, okay, when
Jake's three, we're going to start having Right.
0:45:09.040,0:45:17.280
We knew we would welcome another one. we would
have been happy whether we did or we didn't. But
0:45:17.280,0:45:26.880
it was June 2010 and we had our family vacation
in Lake Tahoe. It was just so fun. Like everyone
0:45:26.880,0:45:35.440
was we were we were playing cards cards boggle on
our phones. It wasn't even the actual thing and
0:45:35.440,0:45:41.520
and just being together, right? And then we you
guys were and then you guys were it was literally
0:45:41.520,0:45:47.520
just like a weekend of making memories together.
And on the drive home from Lake Tahoe that day,
0:45:47.520,0:45:55.680
we looked at each other and we're like we I'm
going to cry. We wanted that for Jake because he
0:45:55.680,0:46:00.400
wouldn't have anybody to make memories like this
with. Yeah. And it wasn't even like that we said
0:46:00.400,0:46:05.600
we weren't going to have another one but we were
just like we were also not also not consciously
0:46:05.600,0:46:10.160
trying trying to have another well 2010 that was
seven years later right right and you know and
0:46:10.160,0:46:16.000
so many things happened so many things happened in
between you know I lost a job we bought a house so
0:46:16.000,0:46:23.840
that's like a it was a really difficult time right
I lost my job the recession so as much as you
0:46:23.840,0:46:29.280
don't want to look at children as like a financial
burden you have to be honest with yourself and say
0:46:29.280,0:46:35.920
you you want to make sure you give your children
the best that you can and you all you need to be
0:46:35.920,0:46:41.200
financially able to I guess we were we were trying
to be financially responsible. We couldn't afford
0:46:41.200,0:46:48.320
another baby but that weekend was what kind of
just like it was a catalyst for us to tell us
0:46:48.320,0:46:54.080
that we need we need to try harder. Yeah. We
want that for Jake and we don't want him to be
0:46:54.080,0:47:02.000
alone. I know that it wasn't an easy journey. It
wasn't because of how easy it was to get pregnant
0:47:02.000,0:47:09.120
with Jake. The whole pregnancy was just so smooth.
It, you know, with with the gestational diabetes,
0:47:09.120,0:47:16.800
it was something I couldn't really have any
control over. But I enjoyed being pregnant and I I
0:47:16.800,0:47:24.880
literally loved being so big. and with how easy it
was to get pregnant with him, we thought it would
0:47:24.880,0:47:34.800
be the same. And so when we consciously started
trying and it wasn't happening, we figured, okay,
0:47:34.800,0:47:44.560
I think we need to start asking for help. Mhm. We
both got checked and everything was fine with us.
0:47:44.560,0:47:53.440
And so we started inquiring with IVF clinics. We
started talking to fertility doctors. And again,
0:47:53.440,0:47:59.520
I think it feels like we were striking out
because of how easy it was to conceive with Jake,
0:47:59.520,0:48:06.720
right? And even with the and you know, and they're
saying there's nothing wrong with both of you. So
0:48:06.720,0:48:12.640
you know, basically all the doctors that we
talked to was just just keep trying. And I
0:48:12.640,0:48:17.360
feel like a friend like remember it became like a
friends episode and I don't know if you remember
0:48:17.360,0:48:23.520
that where it was it shouldn't be like okay well
now is the time and like it should you you you
0:48:23.520,0:48:30.240
think that it would come natural cuz that's
what your experience was correct and it it it
0:48:30.240,0:48:37.600
got frustrating and it became really almost like
depressing right that it wasn't happening. Yeah.
0:48:37.600,0:48:40.560
Yeah. Especially when the doctors were telling
you everything was fine. And so it's like what
0:48:40.560,0:48:45.600
are we doing wrong? We even had a doctor that say
oh you know just keep trying and come back to me
0:48:45.600,0:48:52.560
in 6 months and I feel like but we already
wasted 6 months and you want me to put in
0:48:52.560,0:49:00.000
another 6 months into it. And then we met with a
fertility doctor in Danville and they said that we
0:49:00.000,0:49:06.560
were not candidates for IVF again because of how
easy it was. Easy it was with Jake and because
0:49:06.560,0:49:12.160
there's nothing wrong with him and there's nothing
wrong with so it was a lot of it was like are you
0:49:12.160,0:49:18.880
stressed at work? Are you this? Are you that? And
then but we were like obviously something is not
0:49:18.880,0:49:26.240
happening. And it wasn't until I found a doctor.
I told her like I'm just I I don't know what's
0:49:26.240,0:49:32.000
happening. You know, she did all the tests that
she could and she was the first one to call out
0:49:32.000,0:49:37.760
um second infertility and I didn't know what that
meant. But she said basically, you know, if you've
0:49:37.760,0:49:43.600
been trying for a period of time and and nothing
is happening, it's second infertility. You know,
0:49:43.600,0:49:48.560
you were successful in the first one and not in
the second one. And after that, she was the first
0:49:48.560,0:49:56.960
one who really did like a more thorough testing
with me. I ended up having surgery. She basically
0:49:56.960,0:50:03.920
said, you know, the surgery would increase your
chances of conceiving. It didn't. I mean, I I
0:50:03.920,0:50:10.960
went through the surgery, but nothing happened.
And you know, so it it basically we were like,
0:50:10.960,0:50:17.440
if it happens, it happens. And I think we need
to just kind of leave it to God's hands, right?
0:50:17.440,0:50:22.400
I remember this clearly because we were fighting
when we went to go visit you in Santa Cruz. In
0:50:22.400,0:50:31.600
Santa Cruz because again, we wanted so much to
get pregnant that it became it was fun. It was not
0:50:31.600,0:50:40.720
fun. And it was stressful. It sounds like right.
We already had plans to visit you, but my calendar
0:50:40.720,0:50:48.000
was also saying this is the prime time. This is
like a friends episode. This is it, right? It's
0:50:48.000,0:50:53.360
like this is the Phoebe birthday dinner, right?
Do we visit Ena or do we, you know, follow the
0:50:53.360,0:51:00.000
calendar? Because every day I was testing, I was
testing to see if I was ovulating and it became a
0:51:00.000,0:51:05.360
chore, a task. It became a chore. And again, it
wasn't fun. It was more like we need to get it
0:51:05.360,0:51:11.440
done because we want to have a baby. And I said,
"Nothing is happening. It's not happening and it's
0:51:11.440,0:51:17.840
frustrating." Yeah. And we finally said, "You know
what? Let's let's pause. Let's pause because this
0:51:17.840,0:51:26.080
is this is we're fighting. This is not happening.
Let's just take a pause. Let's regroup." And then
0:51:26.080,0:51:34.240
we got pregnant. Yeah. Of course. Of course. We
got pregnant when we least expected it. Yeah.
0:51:34.240,0:51:40.960
Which is what happened with Jake too, right? Yes.
Right. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, three years of no
0:51:40.960,0:51:46.080
answers. No answers. Like doctors telling you to
come back in 6 months and like trying literally
0:51:46.080,0:51:50.240
getting surgery. My god, I didn't know that
happened. But that must have been really hard.
0:51:50.240,0:51:56.880
Surgery, acupuncture. I remember the the tea,
the grossest smelling tea that the acupuncture
0:51:56.880,0:52:04.160
to drink tea. I was told to do this and and
we tried we tried everything, you know, sort
0:52:04.160,0:52:11.600
of we even did the the fune stuff where if you
had like pomegranates on your side table. Yeah.
0:52:11.600,0:52:17.680
On the side table of your bed. Elephants with a
trunk down. And I don't know if you remember that,
0:52:17.680,0:52:23.360
but at one point our house was filled with
elephants with trunks down. No. Because according
0:52:23.360,0:52:29.760
to fune the trunk down is what will you know help
with infertility. And I woke up one day and there
0:52:29.760,0:52:35.600
were pomegranates on the side of my bed because
Tito read somewhere where pomegranates were you
0:52:35.600,0:52:41.040
know with the seeds and everything that that
helps with infertility. So we we tried literally
0:52:41.040,0:52:51.920
everything. Yeah. I was like what what do we have
to correct? Yeah. And then so how did that go?
0:52:51.920,0:52:59.440
Um, it was Do we want to talk about it? Yeah,
we can. I'm okay. We're okay. I I think I get
0:52:59.440,0:53:04.880
emotional about it, but it's good for us to talk
about it. It's good for us to talk about because
0:53:04.880,0:53:13.600
it keeps her alive. Mhm. Yeah. You know, and
because, you know, that that time of our lives is
0:53:13.600,0:53:20.400
is part of the 25 years. It's it's not something
that you can just, okay, let's skip over it,
0:53:20.400,0:53:27.920
right? pretend like it didn't happen. Correct. So,
I guess we should preface by we didn't know what
0:53:27.920,0:53:35.840
sex, right, the baby was going to be. Mhm. The few
times before when it was we were going to try and
0:53:35.840,0:53:42.000
find out. Baby wouldn't let us know what how the
baby was not cooperating. Was not cooperating. So,
0:53:42.000,0:53:48.880
legs were like tight and Yeah. And then so it
got to the point where okay, we need to find
0:53:48.880,0:53:56.320
out. We brought Jake to us on the appointment
one of uh the appointment the appointment where
0:53:56.320,0:54:03.360
we were going to find out. Mhm. I basically
went to the appointment. It was a routine,
0:54:03.360,0:54:09.200
right? Routine appointment. And I was on the
table and the doctor asked, "How are you doing?
0:54:09.200,0:54:17.280
Is everything going okay?" And I said, "I'm fine.
um except for I noticed that I have a little bit
0:54:17.280,0:54:22.240
more of a discharge than I normally would. And she
was like, "Okay, well, we'll go take a look." I
0:54:22.240,0:54:28.240
lay down on the table and I clearly see I remember
Jake, he was on the right of me and then Tito,
0:54:28.240,0:54:35.440
I think you were by my feet or something. And then
her face kind of just changed. her assistant, who
0:54:35.440,0:54:42.800
is always the one that would work with me whenever
I have my appointments, her face changed. And then
0:54:42.800,0:54:48.640
she said, "Your cervix has opened up." And I
didn't know what that meant. And then she said,
0:54:48.640,0:54:56.240
"I think the baby is going to come out." And mind
you, I was only 19 weeks. So the baby cannot come
0:54:56.240,0:55:08.000
out too soon. And it became chaotic in the
room because my doctor started freaking out.
0:55:08.000,0:55:15.920
Her assistant started freaking out. And my concern
was Jake is in the room. I don't want him to hear
0:55:15.920,0:55:23.680
what's happening. Mhm. She said, "We need to admit
you right away because the baby might come out."
0:55:23.680,0:55:32.480
And calls were made on their end. I remember
saying, "My mom isn't here." Cuz at that time,
0:55:32.480,0:55:38.240
both grandparents went on a cruise to Hawaii
together. Oh my god. And they literally just
0:55:38.240,0:55:43.440
left like 2 days before. So they were in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean. Like the cruise was
0:55:43.440,0:55:50.320
to Hawaii. There was no way. There was no stops.
We could get a hold of them. And the doctor said,
0:55:50.320,0:55:56.160
"You have to go to Hayward." Because that's
where my high-risisk doctor was at that point.
0:55:56.160,0:56:03.200
On the way home, I called your mom and I said,
"Nanny, they said, "I'm going to lose the baby."
0:56:03.200,0:56:10.560
And your mom left her work within 20 minutes.
She was here. She was here and she got on the
0:56:10.560,0:56:15.600
phone with the doctor and she was yelling at
the doctor and she said, "What the hell do you
0:56:15.600,0:56:22.480
mean that my sister is going to lose her baby?
You need to do something to save that baby."
0:56:23.360,0:56:28.560
So they said, "You need to bring her here
as soon as you can." Mhm. So you guys went
0:56:28.560,0:56:34.000
to the hospital, the four of you. Yeah. So the
four of us went to the hospital and I was just
0:56:34.000,0:56:40.240
basically like stunned. Like I I didn't know what
to say. And I just remember it was your mom that
0:56:40.240,0:56:45.600
was like yelling at the doctors, telling them
they need to do something. But at the same time,
0:56:45.600,0:56:52.480
she was trying to calm her down. She was trying to
calm me down. and make sure Jake was not scared.
0:56:52.480,0:56:58.720
They said, "We're going to admit you. We're going
to try to save the baby and tip you over." So,
0:56:58.720,0:57:04.000
my hospital bed was inclined inclined because they
didn't want any more fluids to be leaking out,
0:57:04.000,0:57:11.040
the amniotic fluid basically. And several doctors
came in and out and finally one doctor said,
0:57:11.040,0:57:17.840
"If we try to save the baby, we might not be
able to save you." Save you. And it was it was
0:57:17.840,0:57:26.320
the hardest conversation because of how long it
took us to have a baby. But then at the same time,
0:57:26.320,0:57:34.000
we have Jake. I had to think of Jake. And so
basically, we said, "Please try whatever you can
0:57:34.000,0:57:43.280
to save the baby, but at the same time, I cannot
I cannot go." Yeah. The whole night family started
0:57:43.280,0:57:51.360
coming. Yeah. Right. that because mom and dad were
not in town. Yeah. The dimaroomas came. Alola men
0:57:51.360,0:57:57.920
even like fought with the front lobby and said I'm
her mother so they would let her in. Mhm. So Jake
0:57:57.920,0:58:06.080
went home with you guys. And it was early that
morning when they told us it's either you or the
0:58:06.080,0:58:15.760
baby. And even if both of you survive, there's no
guarantee the baby will live. Mhm. At that time we
0:58:15.760,0:58:22.800
found out that it was a girl. That was then she
didn't have any skin cuz she was only 19 weeks.
0:58:22.800,0:58:28.800
Her organs were not developed. Her brain was not
developed. She was a little gummy bear like you
0:58:28.800,0:58:35.760
guys called her. We had to be resigned to the fact
that we were going to lose her. And Kaiser was
0:58:35.760,0:58:43.120
very generous to let us take our time. Yeah. They
gave us a they gave us they moved us to a more
0:58:43.120,0:58:50.000
private room. Their name badges had a little dove
on it. And we didn't realize what that meant until
0:58:50.000,0:58:58.880
after everything was done. And it was basically
letting people know that this is the family that
0:58:58.880,0:59:08.800
lost a little one. So the family, my cousins, your
mom, my sister, sister and Ed and and and Nanu,
0:59:08.800,0:59:17.120
they all came first thing in the morning. They
didn't start giving me medicine to induce myself
0:59:17.120,0:59:26.000
until later that afternoon. They wanted to give
me time to be at peace with the decision that we
0:59:26.000,0:59:32.720
made. At by this time, we were able to reach out
to papa and grandma um on the cruise. Obviously,
0:59:32.720,0:59:37.600
they couldn't do anything because they're in
the middle of the ship. But what was I feel
0:59:37.600,0:59:44.240
like a saving grace was that the four of them
were together. Yeah. And they were all able to
0:59:44.240,0:59:53.280
grieve together. So, finally, like maybe around
6:30, everyone was in the room and then it just
0:59:53.280,1:00:00.960
started. I started feeling pressure and I knew
it was happening. So the nurses took everybody
1:00:00.960,1:00:07.280
out. I wasn't there yet and said everybody
needs to go out. I think somebody came and
1:00:07.280,1:00:15.680
got you that it was it that I was already having
contractions. So he stayed and I said I want my
1:00:15.680,1:00:23.600
sisters I wanted Nanny and his sister to
be in the room because my mom isn't here.
1:00:23.600,1:00:32.480
And it was just it was it was chaotic. So many
people in and out. And the doctor finally came
1:00:32.480,1:00:37.520
and the head nurse was there. The nurses
that were working with me were there. I
1:00:37.520,1:00:43.840
remember Nelson was on the right of me. The
sisters were on the left of me and had just
1:00:43.840,1:00:55.680
started singing. She uh she sang the song from
Tangled from Tangled. the I see the light and
1:00:55.680,1:01:04.400
I don't know why. I don't I don't know why.
I just started singing and then I realized
1:01:04.400,1:01:15.200
I don't want her to hear all of the chaos that's
happening. I want her to hear my voice when she
1:01:15.200,1:01:23.440
comes out because grandma always said working with
with ICU patients, right? She says the hearing is
1:01:23.440,1:01:32.640
always the last to go when someone's passing away.
And I said, if I cannot save you, I want you to at
1:01:32.640,1:01:41.680
least have it that it's my voice that you will
hear when you come out. And somehow singing just
1:01:41.680,1:01:51.520
made me be at peace. I asked them, "Can I hold
her? I don't want her to go without feeling that
1:01:51.520,1:02:01.280
I held her." And they said, "You can hold her for
as long as you want." So Kaiser was very generous.
1:02:01.280,1:02:08.880
I did the skin-to-skin with her even. She was
already gone by the time she came out. But I held
1:02:08.880,1:02:19.920
her. I think I held her for 45 minutes straight.
Mhm. And I said, "Her dad needs to hold her and
1:02:19.920,1:02:26.560
her brother needs to hold her." We all had her
chance to say goodbye to her. I remember you guys
1:02:26.560,1:02:34.320
calling her a gummy bear because she was kind of
purpleish, right? Um and like squishy looking. She
1:02:34.320,1:02:40.960
was very squishy looking and she was very tiny,
but she was I could hold her in the palm palm
1:02:40.960,1:02:46.640
of my hand. She was that small. And I know Jake
held her for a very long time. At 10 years old,
1:02:46.640,1:02:53.840
that was a lot. That was a lot to take, right? But
in my head, like how lucky is she that family is
1:02:53.840,1:03:02.560
here? Cuz at that point, they allowed everybody to
be in the room. We passed her around so everybody
1:03:02.560,1:03:10.400
had a chance to say goodbye to her and hold her.
And this was just before 9. We were in that room
1:03:10.400,1:03:18.800
up until maybe midnight. Mhm. When they told us
that it was time for them to take her. And so
1:03:18.800,1:03:27.200
yeah, that was March 26, 2014. But there was this
so they they took her they put her in the cart
1:03:27.200,1:03:35.520
and they wheeled her down to the morg and there
was this wonderful nurse who had the presence of
1:03:35.520,1:03:44.320
mind to get us a footprint and handprints and
handprints of her and uh even like a weight
1:03:44.320,1:03:54.960
and all the poor because she wasn't 20 weeks old.
They did not issue death certificates for babies
1:03:54.960,1:04:05.200
that are born under 20 weeks old. So basically in
the eyes of the law I guess or she did not exist.
1:04:05.200,1:04:10.720
And so this this head nurse her daughter went
through the same thing I did. And it's called
1:04:10.720,1:04:16.800
um incompetent cervix. Yeah. Incompetent cervix
where your cervix opens up prematurely. It's
1:04:16.800,1:04:21.120
nothing that you did. It's just women's bodies
are different, right? So her daughter went through
1:04:21.120,1:04:28.720
the same thing and her daughter's baby was also
in the eyes of the law and not legally present.
1:04:28.720,1:04:40.080
Mhm. So she makes it a point that whenever it
happens to patients that she goes to the morg and
1:04:40.080,1:04:46.880
takes a footprint and a handprint and the weight
information for the parents because as a parent
1:04:46.880,1:04:53.280
you would want to have that. Yeah. And so we're
lucky that we have that record of her. But yeah,
1:04:53.280,1:05:01.040
but like I feel like I'm so thankful that Kaiser
gave us that time to to be with her and grieve and
1:05:01.040,1:05:09.120
grieve and and and be with family and and I'm
crying not because I'm crying because I'm glad
1:05:09.120,1:05:16.640
that the memory of her is still very fresh in me
because again as a mother my fear is that I will
1:05:16.640,1:05:25.840
forget or that people will move on and forget
about her And I cannot allow myself to do that
1:05:25.840,1:05:37.120
because she's part of our life. Yeah, I know that
after was a really hard time. Yeah, that was uh a
1:05:37.120,1:05:44.400
difficult difficult year. Yeah. Nothing made us
happy as a as a family. We went to therapy. We
1:05:44.400,1:05:49.920
went to therapy like as a family that as a family.
That was important for me, particularly for Jake,
1:05:49.920,1:05:56.320
because he was there when we found out that that
was all this was going to happen and then to then
1:05:56.320,1:06:01.760
lose his sister and all of that. It was But
the therapist was, you know, our our concern
1:06:01.760,1:06:08.400
was because obviously it it affected the marriage,
right? It you know, it was like I'm grieving. No,
1:06:08.400,1:06:14.480
I'm grieving. No, my grief is worse than yours.
And and we came to the realization that, okay,
1:06:14.480,1:06:23.040
we need we need time out. We need we need somebody
to say is this normal, is this not? And we did it
1:06:23.040,1:06:30.400
as a couple. And then we wanted to make sure that
Jake also got to speak with somebody. Yeah. He had
1:06:30.400,1:06:36.880
his session with with a therapist and then he came
out and then she called us back in the room and
1:06:36.880,1:06:42.800
then what we basically said was like, "We don't
care what happens to us. We want to make sure
1:06:42.800,1:06:50.160
he's okay. We're going to be okay." and she said,
"He's going to be okay. He's going to be okay."
1:06:50.160,1:06:57.040
And at that point, I think we both looked at each
other like, "It's a make it or break it." Yeah.
1:06:57.040,1:07:07.200
Nothing worse than losing a child can either make
you or break you. And stuff like this has broken
1:07:07.200,1:07:12.640
people. Yeah. We just said it wasn't a choice. No,
we were going to have to go through it together.
1:07:13.360,1:07:22.720
This is this is a a pain that only we understand
only we understand. And so with that and with that
1:07:22.720,1:07:29.760
talk with the therapist and whatnot, you know,
we kind of got a few tools. I gave her give her
1:07:29.760,1:07:35.600
her chance to grieve and verbalize and do all of
that. I would come in and say, you know, I I I'm
1:07:35.600,1:07:41.760
I'm there with you and vice versa. She would, you
know, when it when I would have my downturns and
1:07:41.760,1:07:46.480
stuff like that and she would let me talk it out
and then she would say, you know, and I honestly
1:07:46.480,1:07:53.120
I'm going through it. I'm going through it, too.
I honestly feel like if we did not have Jake,
1:07:53.120,1:08:00.080
it would have been just easy to throw in the
towel, right? Yeah. But he also did not deserve
1:08:00.080,1:08:07.600
parents that gave up so easily, you know, because
everybody goes through their their shitty times.
1:08:07.600,1:08:15.040
And I guess ours may be shittier than others, but
it was it was a make it or break it. Yeah. And we
1:08:15.040,1:08:21.920
chose to not break. Mhm. And I think looking back
now, it's was obviously the right choice, but at
1:08:21.920,1:08:26.080
the time, I can imagine that. And we even we even
canceled Christmas that year. I don't know if you
1:08:26.080,1:08:31.360
remember. I don't know if you remember, but we
I think so. We did not want to be around people.
1:08:31.360,1:08:36.800
I did not have to pretend. I did not want to
pretend. I did not want to take family pictures.
1:08:36.800,1:08:41.520
It was hard for us to celebrate. I mean, cuz like
family pictures, but then like my but my family
1:08:41.520,1:08:51.040
is not complete. Yeah. And and I'm glad too that
everybody kind of gave us grace and did not push
1:08:51.040,1:08:59.360
it. I know papa and grandma were not happy that we
boycotted Christmas. We literally packed the car
1:08:59.360,1:09:04.320
and we went to Monteray and we brought a little
Christmas tree with us and we set it up in our
1:09:04.320,1:09:10.240
hotel room and and we just said, "This is going to
be Christmas like this for the rest of our lives."
1:09:10.240,1:09:18.400
Mhm. Because there's always going to be a missing
piece. Yeah. I think that something that I really
1:09:18.400,1:09:25.440
love about our family is how close we are, but
like in particular like the three of you have this
1:09:25.440,1:09:31.840
like very special bond and the three of you came
out of it that much stronger in your relationships
1:09:31.840,1:09:37.040
with each other. I think so too. I mean, it
certainly bonded the three of us even more even
1:09:37.040,1:09:43.120
more so cuz I mean I mean who doesn't go through a
a trauma like that and and and and not get bonded
1:09:43.120,1:09:48.880
cuz it either bonds you or it breaks you and
for us we it was not a choice of it breaking
1:09:48.880,1:09:57.120
us. It you know we had to let it bond us. Yeah.
You know now like even to this day she is still
1:09:57.120,1:10:02.320
very present. Whenever we take family pictures,
we have this little the elephant. The stuffed
1:10:02.320,1:10:09.120
elephant. You named her Mia. Yes. Was there any
significance behind that name? Well, her full name
1:10:09.120,1:10:16.480
is Mia Hope. Mia Hope. Mia was always kind of like
a name that we said we're going to give her if we
1:10:16.480,1:10:22.320
were going to have a child of a daughter because
it's a combination of both grandmothers. Mhm. So
1:10:22.320,1:10:30.640
my mom's name is Marley, her real name is Marley
Allegria, and my mother-in-law's name is Leah.
1:10:30.640,1:10:37.680
So it was a it was a perfect combination of both
grandmother's names. And she would have been born
1:10:37.680,1:10:44.160
around grandma's birthday, right? Her due date was
um the 15th and grandma's birthday is August 9th.
1:10:44.160,1:10:54.800
So it was it would have been a great Yeah. like
gift gift I guess for for for the grandmothers to
1:10:54.800,1:11:01.840
have that and and we gave her the middle name hope
when we were in the middle that night that night
1:11:01.840,1:11:10.240
in the hospital and it was cuz Mia also means mine
mine. So my hope it was kind of like just a hope
1:11:10.240,1:11:16.720
for the three of us to kind of be able to stick
stick through and and get through this get through
1:11:16.720,1:11:23.920
it. Yeah. And then Noah came along. And then Noah
came along. That that that story that was also a
1:11:23.920,1:11:30.880
process because I think maybe that's the pregnancy
I was thinking of that was like very I mean
1:11:30.880,1:11:36.800
obviously right difficult it was it was difficult
but it was also like very heavily monitored.
1:11:36.800,1:11:46.320
Right. Right. So the story behind Noah was was
also kind of funny because after the miscarriage,
1:11:46.320,1:11:55.920
my doctor wanted me to meet with a like a
fertility high-risisk type of of doctor. And
1:11:55.920,1:12:03.840
then he said, "I want to start you on a hormone
treatment and in the event that you do want to try
1:12:03.840,1:12:11.040
again. Then at least we know the the conditions
of your ex." Okay. He prescribed me the hormone
1:12:11.040,1:12:17.840
treatment and he said, "You need to do this on a
Friday because it will wipe you out for the rest
1:12:17.840,1:12:24.960
of the weekend." M I did the first injection
and it hurt like hell and Tito did the second
1:12:24.960,1:12:30.560
injection and I remember our bench in the living
room by this time before the second injection was
1:12:30.560,1:12:35.680
even going to come in my belly I was already like
laying down on the bench. I don't even know what
1:12:35.680,1:12:41.680
happened. I I think I was just in bed the whole
weekend. Wow. And after that I said I don't want
1:12:41.680,1:12:50.160
to do this. This is so taxing. This is so painful.
I don't want to do it. And then he and I kind of
1:12:50.160,1:12:56.320
kind of came to the conclusion that, you know
what, the three of us are okay. If it's meant
1:12:56.320,1:13:01.520
to be, if it's meant to be just the three of us,
we'll be fine. I think having that conversation of
1:13:01.520,1:13:07.920
like, we're done. We're just Jake is fine. We'll
be fine. Kind of lifted the stress from us, right?
1:13:07.920,1:13:16.160
And the ironic part of this is that I find out
that I was pregnant just as we swore off anything
1:13:16.160,1:13:23.120
else that would help us to try to get pregnant. So
like the same Yeah. like same thing that happened
1:13:23.120,1:13:33.520
before too. And we go in it with fear for sure.
our first official appointment to find out if we
1:13:33.520,1:13:41.600
were pregnant to the day was the date that we
found out we were losing Mia. Oh my gosh. So
1:13:41.600,1:13:51.200
March 25 was my first appointment with the doctor
to confirm this pregnancy with Noah. And March 25,
1:13:51.200,1:13:56.000
the year before, was my doctor's appointment
when we found out we were losing Mia. So,
1:13:56.000,1:14:02.560
I break down and I tell my gynecologist, "You
don't understand the significance of this date and
1:14:02.560,1:14:10.880
I am so terrified to be here." Mhm. And she said,
"We're going to be cautiously optimistic." And
1:14:10.880,1:14:16.720
then the doctor did the ultrasound and found the
heartbeat and heard the heartbeat and she said,
1:14:16.720,1:14:21.680
"The heartbeat trumps any numbers, any kind
of doubling that you needed to worry about."
1:14:21.680,1:14:30.800
Okay. So at that point the wheel started rolling.
I was signed up with a high-risisk doctor. We met
1:14:30.800,1:14:40.000
with her. She was very dry and very cold. But the
second she sat down, she said, "I will promise you
1:14:40.000,1:14:46.320
you are bringing a baby home." Oh wow. And a big
promise to make. That was a big promise to make.
1:14:46.320,1:14:51.920
And she said, "This is our plan. when you meet
this certain, you know, time in your pregnancy,
1:14:51.920,1:14:55.200
this is what we're going to do. In this certain
time, this is what we're going to do. We're going
1:14:55.200,1:15:01.600
to take it a milestone at a time. We're not going
to look at the whole 9 months. So, at 15 weeks,
1:15:01.600,1:15:08.080
she told me, "Your cervix is very weak. So,
my plan is to have you go through surgery.
1:15:08.080,1:15:14.800
We're going to close up your cervix and hope
that it stays closed throughout the pregnancy.
1:15:14.800,1:15:22.160
we'll monitor you and if at any point I see that
it's the length is um I guess getting short then
1:15:22.160,1:15:28.000
we have plan B. So we felt very confident with
her because she came in with a plan and she broke
1:15:28.000,1:15:38.480
it down to us and so Dr. Robinson y she whatever
she lacked in personality and I foreign she made
1:15:38.480,1:15:49.040
up foreign skills. Long story short, October 29,
just a few days ago, we had little Noah join our
1:15:49.040,1:15:56.240
family. Yeah. Safe and healthy. Wow. I don't know
why I didn't realize that the time in between Mia
1:15:56.240,1:16:03.440
and Noah wasn't that much. And again, Noah was
not planned. Yeah. Just like Jake wasn't. But,
1:16:03.440,1:16:08.560
you know, the doctors wanted to, I guess, just
make sure that I was going to be okay for when
1:16:08.560,1:16:14.320
we decide to They did say that, you know, if we
do decide, we need to decide a little quicker
1:16:14.320,1:16:23.200
because of my age as well, cuz I was already
39. We we call Noah the rainbow baby. Yes. Yes.
1:16:23.200,1:16:28.960
And that's why the the name too. I mean, for the
for the longest time, we couldn't figure out what
1:16:28.960,1:16:36.720
Noah's name was going to be. It wasn't for Jake.
Who's Why not Noah? Oh, Jake named him. Yeah,
1:16:36.720,1:16:44.160
Jake named Yeah. Um Jake was like, you know, Noah
with the ark and after the storm was, you know,
1:16:44.160,1:16:50.960
brand new hope of life. And and here's Noah after
after the storm that we went through. Yeah. And
1:16:50.960,1:16:59.760
so, yeah. So, Noah. Yeah. Poetic AF. For reals.
For reals. Hence the tattoo. Yeah. Yeah. check
1:16:59.760,1:17:06.400
out um the Jake and Bell show for for a tattoo
tour from Jake. Yes. But thank you so much for
1:17:06.400,1:17:11.600
sharing. I know it's it happened to you guys. So
I imagine it was the hardest for you obviously,
1:17:11.600,1:17:17.680
but like I it was a really hard time for the
family as a whole, too. I think that Yeah,
1:17:17.680,1:17:24.000
because of how like close we all are that
what happens to one affects everybody. I mean,
1:17:24.000,1:17:32.560
it was hard for your mom because she basically had
to act as grandma. Yeah. Um, it was hard for Nanu.
1:17:32.560,1:17:40.560
Nanu actually was the one who made arrangements
for me as um cremation. I I I give props to all
1:17:40.560,1:17:49.680
our siblings for reals. Because in our time of
need with both sets of grandparents not around,
1:17:49.680,1:17:56.480
at least one thing that I took away from that
whole experience, seeing how quickly everyone
1:17:56.480,1:18:03.520
mobilized and was there, I just remember that we
still to this day, but very much so after looking
1:18:03.520,1:18:10.960
out for any any signs any signs like if she would
show up in dreams. She showed up in a few of mine
1:18:10.960,1:18:18.320
and little things like rainbows and butterflies
and elephants, daisies, like Yeah, it's something
1:18:18.320,1:18:26.960
that was is important to us. Do you remember,
Ena, when we went to Disneyland shortly after
1:18:26.960,1:18:34.000
um Mia passed? The five of us. The five of us.
Just you Belle and and the three of us. Yeah. And
1:18:34.000,1:18:41.360
we walk by I I can't remember that thing with the
theater with the big screens. Yes. You know. Oh,
1:18:41.360,1:18:48.000
the the animation studio. Yes. Yeah. So, we were
we were walking by there and it just so happens
1:18:48.000,1:18:54.640
that I see the light was piping. Yes. I remember
this. Okay. Oh, that was like And then we were
1:18:54.640,1:18:59.680
like, "Oh, we need to go in. We need to go in."
And as soon as we go in, as soon as we walked in,
1:18:59.680,1:19:09.840
it was the whole scene with the lanterns floating
up and you know the story of of um Tangled where
1:19:09.840,1:19:15.200
Rapunzel's missing. You know, she was missing
as a baby and all Nani and I were just overcome.
1:19:15.200,1:19:23.920
I mean, we stood there in the middle of that
animator studio and we were crying. Yeah. Yeah.
1:19:23.920,1:19:29.360
No, she's literally everywhere. She's everywhere
and I'm just so thankful that you guys were open
1:19:29.360,1:19:37.280
to talking about her here. Not that I have much
of an audience yet yet. But but I do know that,
1:19:37.280,1:19:42.880
you know, it's a it's an important story, I think,
for you guys to share, but then for other people
1:19:42.880,1:19:47.680
to hear, it's it's hard, right? You feel so
alone. No one else knows what you're feeling,
1:19:47.680,1:19:52.960
but I can imagine there's so many people out
there that probably could relate to your guys'
1:19:52.960,1:20:03.680
story. Yeah. So, it's it's truly a gift that you
are giving me and my eight Spotify followers. We
1:20:03.680,1:20:11.440
can change that with Noah. Yeah. Oh my goodness,
Noah. He's our biggest fan. Okay. He wants to be
1:20:11.440,1:20:16.160
on the podcast. I know. I told him when you have
a partner, but your mom's probably not going to
1:20:16.160,1:20:25.040
let you have a partner until until you're Yeah.
So, call me in like 10 years. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um,
1:20:25.040,1:20:32.480
but okay, so we are running a bit short on
time. Yes. But I do want to ask like, you know,
1:20:32.480,1:20:39.040
more of a fun kind of light-hearted question. What
is a like favorite memory that you have or what is
1:20:39.040,1:20:44.320
a favorite thing that you guys do as a family or
as a relationship? Well, a favorite thing we do as
1:20:44.320,1:20:51.440
a family is watch Family Feud. Yes. Every night
at dinner. Because while we're eating dinner,
1:20:51.440,1:20:57.280
we're watching Family Food because we believe
that we can beat all of these families, right?
1:20:57.280,1:21:04.560
Everybody% 100%. We already know who's going to be
on our team, what we're going to wear, the order
1:21:04.560,1:21:11.120
of us in line, and who's doing the um the fast
money. The fast money. Okay. You have to tell
1:21:11.120,1:21:17.200
me because I know we talk about this a lot, but I
think it's it's a different answer for everybody.
1:21:17.200,1:21:24.480
So, like what have you guys landed on? Depending
on who is the head? Uhhuh. It's the head. Well,
1:21:24.480,1:21:29.680
Jake said he was gonna be the the head, right? So,
he's gonna be the first one and then it's going to
1:21:29.680,1:21:37.040
be me and then I think Ta Mims. Ta Mims. Uhhuh.
And then Uncle Scott. Uncle Scott and then Dad.
1:21:37.040,1:21:41.840
I would I would run. He would be the last. Ooh,
the anchor, right? And then we are going to be
1:21:41.840,1:21:47.840
wearing black because he knows that I don't own
anything else but black. So it'll be it'll make
1:21:47.840,1:21:53.280
it easier for you. You guys are building around
you, right? And then um fast money will be me and
1:21:53.280,1:21:58.160
Jake. I will go first and then he will go second.
You know, that's actually a very strategic choice
1:21:58.160,1:22:02.720
because you have to know what to say, but you also
have to like have an idea of what the other person
1:22:02.720,1:22:07.600
will say. Well, I mean Jake does at least cuz
he would go second, right? And and you you have
1:22:07.600,1:22:13.680
to be strategic on who is where because just in
case you know the other two get the buzzers then
1:22:13.680,1:22:19.200
then you know who can who can anchor it, right?
You know Scott is a really good choice because
1:22:19.200,1:22:27.280
he he knows his stuff. One, he knows his stuff
and two, every single time Family Feud is on he
1:22:27.280,1:22:32.240
guesses everything. He's like cracked the code or
like the patterns. He's like you can't guess this
1:22:32.240,1:22:36.000
because that's not going to get any like and
we've done the same. It has to be multiples of
1:22:36.000,1:22:40.880
five. Like we've critiqued every family that's
gone there and we're like you're not going to
1:22:40.880,1:22:47.440
get it. Get rattled. You can't get be like you
have to think on your feet. Yeah. Wow. That's
1:22:47.440,1:22:52.720
a really good team. I'm a little offended that
I'm not included, but you know, I I a lot I think
1:22:52.720,1:22:56.640
it's going to cause a lot of issues for Christmas
because a lot of people are upset that they're not
1:22:56.640,1:23:00.720
part of the team. I'm actually surprised mom's not
part of it. She's not because I feel like she gets
1:23:00.720,1:23:06.320
rattled. She does get rattled and then N takes too
much time. sister would be all. Yeah. You know,
1:23:06.320,1:23:12.320
and Yeah. And Nanu takes um um He does. So, we
need somebody that can spit out the answer as
1:23:12.320,1:23:18.960
fast as they can. That's Yeah. Scott is so calm.
Yes. D Mims knows everything. So, Family Feud
1:23:18.960,1:23:22.720
every night. I didn't know you guys watch it every
night. That's so funny. Every night. Every night.
1:23:22.720,1:23:31.200
Embarrassingly. Um No, I love that. I love Family
Feud. I guess my recent favorite memory of us as
1:23:31.200,1:23:40.320
a family is taking that ATV ride in in Kaloa. So
right after right after Hawaii opened after co
1:23:40.320,1:23:47.440
Hawaii opened after CO. We ended up doing an ATV
ride. Remember Noah was into dinosaurs. Jurassic
1:23:47.440,1:23:55.680
Park. We did the ATV the the ATV tour at at Kola
Ranch where you actually drive the ATV and you're
1:23:55.680,1:24:02.880
following along. And so right after, you know,
that opening scene of Jurassic Park 1 where all
1:24:02.880,1:24:09.120
the the the dinosaurs are running. So there's
that huge field and right after we we stop there
1:24:09.120,1:24:16.160
for pictures and we're moving on, it starts to
downpour. Oh my god. It was like, "Okay, so when
1:24:16.160,1:24:21.520
you sign up for the ride and they tell you like,
you know, wait here when your tour begins." It was
1:24:21.520,1:24:26.480
so hot that it was it was hurting her back. So it
was like piercing it through the clothes, right?
1:24:26.480,1:24:33.040
And we're like, can we just start it because it's
so hot. So we get in the ATVs and it was first it
1:24:33.040,1:24:40.240
was Tito and you and me in the front and then Jake
and Noah in the back. And then the second we make
1:24:40.240,1:24:44.880
the turn and get into the valley, it was almost
like somebody turned on the rain switch, it just
1:24:44.880,1:24:50.400
like immediately like And that's why we were like,
I think this is fake because it was like it's like
1:24:50.400,1:24:55.840
we were actually on a movie set, right? It was so
scripted. And then Noah being the biggest dinosaur
1:24:55.840,1:25:02.320
fan, he was like, oh my god, this is amazing. And
then we realized this ATV isn't going any faster
1:25:02.320,1:25:10.880
than like 8 miles an hour. Let's put him in the
front. And it was downpour and it was muddy and
1:25:10.880,1:25:18.000
we said every pothole you find you gun it so the
mud will come. At that point we're soaked. We were
1:25:18.000,1:25:25.040
soaked. Yeah. So we're like why not? Yeah. Just go
for it. She was laughing the whole time that mud
1:25:25.040,1:25:30.960
would go in his mouth and and you know me like
I'm like oh my god it's dirty. But I'm like it
1:25:30.960,1:25:37.920
doesn't matter. This is like he was literally
he was so happy. He was so happy that I that
1:25:37.920,1:25:43.760
was like my perfect like the trip couldn't have
got like the the amount of money we paid was so
1:25:43.760,1:25:49.440
worth it because of just how happy he was. He was
I love that. That was our our favorite. So yeah,
1:25:49.440,1:25:55.280
I mean that's my re Yeah. It used to be that our
thing was Disneyland. Mhm. And lately actually
1:25:55.280,1:26:00.880
like our last trip in April, it was cheaper to go
to Hawaii than it was to go to Disneyland. So it's
1:26:00.880,1:26:09.280
so true. It's so simple. And we don't do expensive
dinners. We don't Yeah. I mean, yeah. We don't do
1:26:09.280,1:26:14.320
anything crazy expensive. We literally just get
in the find a beach. Mhm. And you're just there
1:26:14.320,1:26:20.080
all day. There all day. We get in the car and we
just drive around and and just to see how happy
1:26:20.080,1:26:26.320
Jake is in Hawaii and how happy Noah is. We're
like, why didn't we do this sooner? Right. And
1:26:26.320,1:26:31.680
now it's it's it's it's so different. I feel like
Disneyland is so like I don't know high energy
1:26:31.680,1:26:35.760
and like you're there's so much going on. It's
so over stimulating because it's so expensive.
1:26:35.760,1:26:40.000
You want to make sure you do all Yeah. You want to
make sure you do everything. All the food is like
1:26:40.000,1:26:44.080
so expensive. I mean I guess Hawaii is a little
expensive too but like not for the things that
1:26:44.080,1:26:51.840
you want to eat like pokey. It's like we literally
like our last trip we we were at 7-Eleven for like
1:26:51.840,1:26:56.240
almost an hour cuz we couldn't figure out what to
eat, right? cuz we were getting food to bring to
1:26:56.240,1:27:03.920
the beach and we're there because of how simple
simple pleasures. Yeah. You really assume the
1:27:03.920,1:27:07.680
Hawaiian lifestyle when you're there and we and
we love it and we're like why didn't we do this
1:27:07.680,1:27:10.960
soon? That's so true. I didn't even think about
that. That Hawaii became your guys's thing after
1:27:10.960,1:27:15.520
Disneyland. You guys went to Disneyland a lot with
Noah, right? No, not as much as Yeah, that's what
1:27:15.520,1:27:19.360
I was going to say. I'm like maybe maybe like
Disneyland was the three of your thing. Yeah.
1:27:19.920,1:27:26.240
And then you know the funny thing is he he likes
it but when we say do you want to go Disneyland
1:27:26.240,1:27:30.720
he's not a Disneyland person and we're like
who are you? You're not our child. Whose child
1:27:30.720,1:27:35.840
are you? Because Jake used to be like let's go.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now you have family there.
1:27:35.840,1:27:42.560
So more excuses to go for reals. Yeah. I know. We
love them. Yeah. Your mother-in-law is my bestie.
1:27:42.560,1:27:47.360
Thank you guys so much. Thank you for being
on the podcast. Honestly, something that I've
1:27:47.360,1:27:53.840
I wasn't expecting, but that I really love about
doing this podcast is that I just get to sit down
1:27:53.840,1:27:58.880
with my loved ones and hear about their love story
in a way that I probably never would have. I mean,
1:27:58.880,1:28:05.120
would you not have known story B. I know. Like,
you heard it first. You heard it here first,
1:28:05.120,1:28:11.520
folks. I am so happy about that, actually. Like,
I I had no idea this was happening. You need to
1:28:11.520,1:28:15.760
keep this from your sister until she actually sees
the episode. I know the episode. My sister. No,
1:28:15.760,1:28:20.720
her sister. Oh, your sister. Okay. Mom knows. No,
she doesn't. She doesn't. Okay. The only people
1:28:20.720,1:28:26.160
that really know about this is um Tito Jun, but um
one of my bridesmaids, Tanya, she's the one that
1:28:26.160,1:28:33.040
told me to stick to story A. Oh my god. So, wait.
So, oh my god. Okay, so I have to This is going
1:28:33.040,1:28:36.960
to be like a promotional like a way to promote
the episode because like it's like you heard it
1:28:36.960,1:28:42.560
here. So, yeah, you heard it here, folks. You're
very very special to know this very exclusive
1:28:42.560,1:28:48.640
information that apparently my mother doesn't
even know. Yes. My mother, her sister. Yes. Um,
1:28:48.640,1:28:55.600
see, I can keep secrets. We have to ask the family
to give the reaction reaction video, right? Or we
1:28:55.600,1:29:02.080
should just get the family together and like Thank
you so much for watching. Thank you guys for being
1:29:02.080,1:29:07.040
here. And thank you for watching and listening.
This has been Ordinary Love and we have new
1:29:07.040,1:29:12.080
episodes every other Tuesday. Okay, if you like
this episode, subscribe and follow. Um, and if you
1:29:12.080,1:29:16.320
know somebody who would like to be on the podcast,
I am always accepting new podcast guests. So,
1:29:16.320,1:29:24.960
except for Noah. Except for Noah. If you are under
the age of 15, yes. Um, 18. Let's just do 18. Yes,
1:29:24.960,1:29:35.120
let's do 18 for legality purposes. But thank you
so much and we'll catch you next time. Bye bye.