Episode 3: Colleagues to friends to lovers, navigating the immigration system, and embarrassing moments
Welcome to the third episode of Ordinary Love—a podcast where I sit down with couples and celebrate their love story! Join me as I hear about the big, small, beautiful, sometimes messy, and always special ordinary moments that make relationships incredibly extraordinary.
In this episode of Ordinary Love, I am joined by Rikki and Melissa, who are my uncle/godparent and aunt. Rikki is a project manager at an architectural firm and Melissa is a graphic designer, and they have two beautiful children (9 and 11).
They share with us:
♡ The most “first date” not-first-date ever
♡ Hilariously embarrassing moments
♡ Filipino roots, traditions and influences
♡ The recession, expiring work visas, and tough decisions
♡ DTR or “define the relationship” pt 1 & 2
♡ How they navigate conflict to prevent the “snowball effect”
♡ What they teach their kids about emotions and feeling their feelings
♡ Breaking generational patterns as parents
♡ Ways they continue to bond as a couple and family
...And more!
Scroll down for episode transcript ♡
Want to be on the podcast? Reach out today!
Episode Transcript
0:00:08.480,0:00:22.240
Are you guys ready? Ready. Nano. Yes. Looking at
the software. Okay. Well, welcome back to Ordinary
0:00:22.240,0:00:28.400
Love, a podcast where we sit down with couples
and talk about their relationships. And here I
0:00:28.400,0:00:36.480
am sitting with my I was going to say my nano and
tita mims but my aunt and my uncle. Maybe we can
0:00:36.480,0:00:45.200
start with you guys just introducing yourselves.
I'm Ricky. I'm Ena's uncle, right? So your mom's
0:00:45.200,0:00:56.000
brother. And I'm Melissa or Mims to friends
and family. And I'm married to Karina's uncle.
0:00:56.000,0:01:04.240
Yeah. So funny story when I was young I couldn't
pronounce ninong right ninong and ninang which
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means godp parentent in Tagalog. So I would say
nano and nani instead and it just kind of stuck.
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So now since I was the eldest grandchild, every
single other grandchild after me used the same
0:01:20.960,0:01:26.320
names. Why did we start calling you Tita Mims? Is
that your nickname? That's my Yeah. My childhood
0:01:26.320,0:01:32.080
nickname is Mimi. Oh, and then of course because
we're Filipino, we have to shorten everything.
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Everything that wasn't short enough. I know it's
already It's two syllables. It's too hard. Um,
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so Mims is the shortest me. Maybe somebody will
say me. Yeah, Mims is cute though. Maybe it would
0:01:46.720,0:01:54.640
be cool to also hear about the babies or not so
babies anymore. Not so babies. Um, Sophia, our
0:01:54.640,0:02:04.800
older child, is 13. And she 13. She's 13. That's
wild. She was just like nine. She's Yeah. So,
0:02:04.800,0:02:13.040
she'll be going to high school next year. That's
wild. And Caleb is nine, so he's in fourth grade.
0:02:13.040,0:02:20.640
Yeah. These are Mims, you've been in my life for a
long time. Yes. So, I don't actually remember much
0:02:20.640,0:02:28.080
before you. A I'd love to hear the full story. And
don't spare us any details. You guys met just kind
0:02:28.080,0:02:35.840
of like organically, right? Yes. Can you tell us
some more about your story, please? What? You say,
0:02:35.840,0:02:41.360
"Okay, fine." He does this all the time. What?
He'll he'll he'll say, "I have a story to tell."
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And then he'll look at me and be like, "Go ahead."
And I'm just like, "You're telling the story,
0:02:44.720,0:02:49.920
not me." There will be my version and then he may
or may not have a slightly different version. Oh,
0:02:49.920,0:02:59.200
okay. Okay. So, there's like controversy. No.
No. Maybe. Maybe. Perhaps foggy. Yeah. Wait. So,
0:02:59.200,0:03:08.160
when was this? When did you guys meet? So, I moved
to the Bay Area November 2006. Um, from where?
0:03:08.160,0:03:14.080
From New York. So, I went to school in upstate New
York and then moved to New York City and lived and
0:03:14.080,0:03:21.360
worked there for a couple of years. transferred
with my architecture firm at the time because they
0:03:21.360,0:03:27.280
have offices everywhere and San Francisco was the
headquarters and my sister was having their first
0:03:27.280,0:03:34.160
child um down in LA. Did not want to live in LA.
Sorry. Did not want to drive. Do not blame you
0:03:34.160,0:03:39.600
that much. Wait, so Tita Carissa was living
in LA? Yeah. Before they moved to te because
0:03:39.600,0:03:46.960
they're in Texas now. Yeah. So they used to live
um Eastern Empire. Um, inland Inland Empire,
0:03:46.960,0:03:56.880
sorry, Eastern Empire. I fantasy books. Yeah,
Ena knows. Um, but yeah, so I'm moved up here
0:03:56.880,0:04:03.200
so at least I'm a short flight away so I could
see my who would be my niece who's now, you know,
0:04:03.200,0:04:11.920
premed in college. Um, stop. Yeah, she is. Gabby's
at Baylor. Gabby's at Baylor. She's a sophomore.
0:04:11.920,0:04:17.840
What? Yeah. I thought she was Sophia's eight. No.
Oh, Ethan is a year older. So, her younger brother
0:04:17.840,0:04:23.520
Ethan is eight. Oh my gosh. Wow. The last time I
saw them, they were Yeah. babies. Middle school,
0:04:23.520,0:04:31.600
maybe. Wow. That's crazy. Anyway, sorry. Yeah. Um,
but yeah, moved up here and started working at,
0:04:31.600,0:04:37.760
you know, same architecture firm but completely
different office. Still late in 2006 when I just
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happened to be looking for a graphic designer.
So, my boss at the time was just like, "Hey,
0:04:41.200,0:04:45.920
you're still starting out." and we have just like
a really easy project for you. Our San Jose office
0:04:45.920,0:04:53.760
is renovating and the PM on that project um is
looking for a graphic designer to help with,
0:04:53.760,0:05:01.040
you know, the graphics in the office and they're
looking for the cheapest designer I had. Oh,
0:05:01.040,0:05:09.920
thanks. And that just let me It's not the
cheapest designer. A very friendly bill rate.
0:05:09.920,0:05:15.280
That's the nice way to put it. So, you know,
the one who will put the least amount of fee
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on the project and that happened to be me. So, the
cheapest option. I was I was the cheapest option.
0:05:21.360,0:05:26.560
I was the cheaper chicken at the time. Wait, so
how long had you been working at the company by
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then? Maybe two and a half years with a company.
And you were still in New York at the time? Uh,
0:05:32.640,0:05:37.600
I was already in San Francisco. Okay. Yeah. So, I
had just moved and they were kind of like starting
0:05:37.600,0:05:44.640
to bring me on board on projects and what's the
Okay. least experienced on the team. So yeah,
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they put me on the project and the project manager
happened to be this guy. Oh, you were the project
0:05:50.880,0:05:57.360
manager. Yes, I was. Oh, sorry. Okay. So, all I
know about their professions is that Mims, you're
0:05:57.360,0:06:01.600
a graphic designer. Yes. And Nano is an architect.
But I didn't know you were the project manager.
0:06:01.600,0:06:08.960
That sounds really official. Yeah. And so we
corresponded mostly by work email. And back then
0:06:08.960,0:06:14.160
we had no Zoom calls, no Facebook. Yeah. There was
no video conferencing. There was nothing. It was
0:06:14.160,0:06:20.160
all that was like ancient times. It was ancient.
Yeah. And in order to place an outside call, you
0:06:20.160,0:06:27.680
had to dial nine and then do your entire employee
number and then project number, right? If it was
0:06:27.680,0:06:31.840
long distance and then the phone number and then
the phone number. I would get it wrong like five
0:06:31.840,0:06:39.760
times. All the time. Every single time. Was that
early 2007 when we were closing up the project
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randomly? Ricky's like, "Lussie, you wouldn't
happen to be Filipino, would you?" And I'm just
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like, "It's kind of I guess I mean was kind of
obvious maybe from my What's your My maiden name
0:06:52.000,0:06:59.520
is Santos." Oh, okay. Yeah. And Yeah. Well, and
so here's the other thing. Our company had an
0:06:59.520,0:07:04.640
internet and in the internet you had like every
single employee in their bio. So you could click
0:07:04.640,0:07:11.040
on their bio, see their, you know, their role,
their a photo of them if they had it, so you could
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see what they looked like. And so we kind of joke
that that's like the like an early dating app.
0:07:17.520,0:07:22.960
Yeah. Early Facebook. Wasn't that what Facebook
was like supposed to be? But for college students?
0:07:22.960,0:07:30.080
Yes. So this was Facebook for our company and it's
you know it's a large it's like one of the largest
0:07:30.080,0:07:36.800
if not the largest um architecture firm globally.
So he asked you if you were Filipino asked me if I
0:07:36.800,0:07:42.080
was Filipino and I said yes and he's like you know
I know you recently moved here you know are you
0:07:42.080,0:07:49.200
craving Filipino food and I said of course your
first move. No it was it was a very friendly it
0:07:49.200,0:07:55.280
was a very friendly message. Oh, so the intentions
were friendly. Yeah. I Yeah. I mean, I didn't You
0:07:55.280,0:08:00.640
never met I didn't take it as Oh, okay. being
like romantic or anything. I just thought,
0:08:00.640,0:08:06.720
you know, okay, fine. Co-orker knows that I'm new
here. Yeah. Because usually whenever we finish a
0:08:06.720,0:08:12.320
project, you know, we'd like to have like a team
lunch. Yeah. Team dinner, whatever. But since she
0:08:12.320,0:08:19.760
was in San Francisco, right, there was really no
opportunity for that. Say it was a team lunch.
0:08:19.760,0:08:25.280
Okay. So, it's like the gun a little bit then.
It wasn't a team. It was just you and me. So,
0:08:25.280,0:08:30.480
it wasn't a team. No, there was no team. No,
there was no team. But yeah, it was there
0:08:30.480,0:08:35.760
was there was really no nothing behind it. It
was really more Hey, you know what? You know,
0:08:35.760,0:08:41.440
so she's here, she's new, maybe she's looking for
places, you know, because by this time, you know,
0:08:41.440,0:08:45.520
it would have been more than six months since you
had moved, right? I don't know. We were just like
0:08:45.520,0:08:51.600
emailing each other like in a you know like just
a collegial like friendly way and we just happened
0:08:51.600,0:08:58.480
to find out that we're both cuz we're both nerds
that way that we're both really into Yes. like
0:08:58.480,0:09:03.520
Egyptology is a really like ancient cultures was
like a really big thing for both of us. That's
0:09:03.520,0:09:08.720
so funny. I did not know this. So he's like you
know in San Jose there's the Rosacrruian Museum.
0:09:08.720,0:09:14.560
They have a lot of like Egyptian artifacts and
we could go there after we have Filipino lunch
0:09:14.560,0:09:18.800
and I'm just like well how am I going to say no?
Like it's like I know you're already here. One
0:09:18.800,0:09:27.200
of my favorite things. Yeah. So we did. Wow. How
long had you been working together at this time?
0:09:27.200,0:09:31.200
Like how long was the project that you guys were
doing? Oh, the project was quick. It was really
0:09:31.200,0:09:35.920
quick. We We're talking like maybe a couple weeks.
Oh, okay. For my part of the project. For her part
0:09:35.920,0:09:41.280
because it was like the end. Oh, right. Right. So
he everything was pretty much built. It was just
0:09:41.280,0:09:47.840
sort of like we needed icing on the case. Yeah.
So when people ask us, you know, sometimes it's
0:09:47.840,0:09:53.040
kind of like this joke, right? When people say,
"Hey, where'd you guys meet?" I would always say,
0:09:53.040,0:10:00.640
"We met at Bart." Why? Because I picked her up at
BART. Oh my god. I didn't have a car. She didn't
0:10:00.640,0:10:08.720
have So technically, yes. You guys met the first
time we we met at Fremont. Yes. But like you guys
0:10:08.720,0:10:13.680
knew knew of each other, right? Yeah, we did.
But you know, like we've never seen each other.
0:10:13.680,0:10:19.680
We met each other in person. But like you had you
seen like pictures of each other? Yes. Yes. Okay.
0:10:19.680,0:10:24.080
Okay. So it wasn't like when you met for the first
time. It was like you're seeing I mean we didn't
0:10:24.080,0:10:31.680
know what each other looked like. Right. Although
I will say the picture that Ricky had it was Ricky
0:10:31.680,0:10:38.720
on Halloween cuz they take Halloween really real.
you know this how serious I could take multiple
0:10:38.720,0:10:48.080
photos cuz it's like every year in their office
and it was him in a blowup ballerina costume
0:10:48.080,0:10:54.240
pink tutu complete with tiara tiara this was your
profile picture your professional profile picture
0:10:54.240,0:11:02.000
internet so it's like everybody within the company
doesn't go outside but yes send me that photo like
0:11:02.000,0:11:11.760
blue eyes shadow the works. Wow. And it was like
a like an oversized suit and I was like, well,
0:11:11.760,0:11:16.960
can't I mean I can, but I can't also really tell
what he looks like from it. So, I'm just like,
0:11:16.960,0:11:24.320
whatever. If anything, at least this guy has
a great sense of humor. So, you you got off
0:11:24.320,0:11:31.040
Bart. I got off Bart. You were looking for a guy
that vaguely resembled a blue ballerina, a pink
0:11:31.040,0:11:37.760
ballerina in his photo. Yes. And he's like, so I
call his phone and he's just like, I'm here in the
0:11:37.760,0:11:45.040
silver rodeo. I I can't tell one car from another
unless I can't tell a make of a car obviously fits
0:11:45.040,0:11:50.160
whatever Nissa and Mazda. And he's just like, you
know, the rodeo. And he's like getting frustrated.
0:11:50.160,0:11:54.720
So am I. And he's like literally parked right
there in front of me. And I'm just like, okay,
0:11:54.720,0:11:59.680
dude, you should have just said the silver SUV.
That's right. Or just get out of the car now. I
0:11:59.680,0:12:06.880
know. Yeah. I didn't get out of his I did. I did
after. I did. I did. Once she found you. I gave
0:12:06.880,0:12:14.000
you a hug. That's also true. I gave you a hug. I'm
a hugger. He saw a hug. Really? I hug you all the
0:12:14.000,0:12:18.160
time because we're family, but I didn't know that
you were a hugger. He's very much a hugger. And
0:12:18.160,0:12:25.920
are you? I think maybe because I wasn't born and
raised here. I feel like it's a very very American
0:12:25.920,0:12:31.520
thing to hug somebody when you first meet them,
which for me is odd. I returned the hug because
0:12:31.520,0:12:37.760
it would be rude not to. But yeah. Wait, sorry to
backtrack. This is a little like tangent, but like
0:12:37.760,0:12:46.400
you went to college in New York? Yes. But then was
that the first time you had lived here in the US?
0:12:46.400,0:12:53.280
Yes. So, I mean, we visited family when I was like
eight and we stayed here for a couple of months
0:12:53.280,0:13:00.880
just doing like tourist things cuz my um my mom's
brothers lived in Virginia and New York. Yeah.
0:13:00.880,0:13:06.160
Like when it came to college, my parents were
like, "You could go to school in the Philippines
0:13:06.160,0:13:12.880
and I applied and um got into the college there,
but they're like you could apply to the States,
0:13:12.880,0:13:17.360
too." And they're like, "But you know, there's
a certain section of the US that you can apply
0:13:17.360,0:13:25.760
to because that's where you're closest to family."
So it was like Virginia up in Right. nowhere else.
0:13:25.760,0:13:32.080
Okay. So you didn't like even consider California?
No. Like it wasn't even an option? No. Also
0:13:32.080,0:13:38.240
because my sister was already in Syracuse, so she
was getting her second bachelor's degree. Oh wow.
0:13:38.240,0:13:45.120
Um she's so smart. She's so smart. Okay. Okay. So,
you were like still kind of adjusting to Oh, yeah.
0:13:45.120,0:13:50.160
to to living in America. And you had just moved to
San Francisco, which is like very different than
0:13:50.160,0:13:57.920
New York. Yes. And Yeah. And I think it's also
like the idea of like American dating, which is
0:13:57.920,0:14:05.200
so different from Filipino dating or like what I
understood to be Filipino dating. How though? Um,
0:14:05.200,0:14:09.200
I'm curious. I actually don't know very much about
like dating in the Philippines. How would you
0:14:09.200,0:14:14.240
describe? It's less dating. It's more courting.
It's more courting than anything else. Yeah. I
0:14:14.240,0:14:20.960
mean, it's the Philippines, so like it's small
and people know each other. So, it tends to be
0:14:20.960,0:14:28.000
people within your circle or people you meet in
school and you kind of randomly vet them through
0:14:28.000,0:14:33.280
like friends and family like, "Hey, do you know
so and so? Who knows so and so?" And you know,
0:14:33.280,0:14:38.800
when we get to that part, you'll see like, "Yes,
it's true. There when my parents asked around,
0:14:38.800,0:14:45.200
they actually found somebody in their proximity
who knows your family. Oh, I can't wait to hear
0:14:45.200,0:14:52.000
about this. Yeah. So, that Filipino network is
a real thing. Okay. Okay. And then, but like how
0:14:52.000,0:14:55.920
does that compare to here? Like at the time, I
guess. How does that compare to here? You know,
0:14:55.920,0:15:01.440
2004, 2005 when I was in New York like Yeah.
It's a big city. Like, how else do you meet
0:15:01.440,0:15:07.120
other people? Yeah. It was like the start of
like Match.com. Oh. So they did like, you know,
0:15:07.120,0:15:12.880
free six months and e-har e-harmony you had
to pay for though. Match had like the first
0:15:12.880,0:15:17.840
six months free and if you didn't find somebody
they would refund you or something like that. Oh,
0:15:17.840,0:15:23.200
there was like an incentive. There was an
incentive. That's so interesting. Yeah. Um
0:15:23.200,0:15:32.320
and so I mean I did that and you know didn't work
out obviously. Obviously. Yeah. There is I think
0:15:32.320,0:15:37.840
the difference I found between like dating in the
Philippines I guess before I'm sure it's different
0:15:37.840,0:15:44.080
now too. Yeah. Was that the intent was there like
you knew that the guy liked you because he was
0:15:44.080,0:15:50.320
obviously like pursuing you. Uhhuh. He asked your
friends about you or he asked his friends to ask
0:15:50.320,0:15:54.720
their friends about you. Oh. And you just knew and
you knew because they would like tell you. Yeah.
0:15:54.720,0:16:00.400
Oh my gosh. So you knew he was interested. I think
the difficulty I had with American dating, it's
0:16:00.400,0:16:04.560
like there's always like the it's the first date,
oh sure, if he asks me out for a second time,
0:16:04.560,0:16:10.000
that means he might like me, right? There's like
more uncertainty. There's more uncertainty. Or
0:16:10.000,0:16:16.320
as I found out when I was dating, you know, they
could still be seeing other people while they're
0:16:16.320,0:16:23.200
starting to see you. Oh, yeah. Like you're not
exclusive. For sure. Until you have the DTR until
0:16:23.200,0:16:29.920
you have the DTR and decide you're exclusive. What
is DTR? The define the relationship thing. Oh my
0:16:29.920,0:16:35.040
gosh. Is this like a Is this a Gen Z thing that
I don't know about? It probably is. Okay. Wait,
0:16:35.040,0:16:39.360
where were we? So, are we still We haven't even
gotten to the museum yet. The food. We got in
0:16:39.360,0:16:42.960
the car. We're in Fremont. Yeah, we're
in Fremont. We're in Fremont Park. Yeah,
0:16:42.960,0:16:48.720
she finally found your car. Yes. Yeah, she found
my car. Gave me a hug. Uh, give her a hug and
0:16:48.720,0:16:56.960
took her to the best Filipino restaurant that I
could find. The finest toppings. Yep. Yes. I knew
0:16:56.960,0:17:03.120
it. Toppings two. Toppings two in Santa Clara.
Nope. Two is in Union City. Union City. Okay. So,
0:17:03.120,0:17:08.880
toppings two. I knew it. Assemings are the finest
Filipino restaurant. Just so your viewers know,
0:17:08.880,0:17:15.280
it's actually not the finest, but it's like the
closest to um to home to home, right? You know,
0:17:15.280,0:17:21.920
like cooking. Yeah. Whenever by by no means
like a fancy place, right? I mean, I know,
0:17:21.920,0:17:26.880
but that's the charm of it. Yeah. It's a total
hole in the wall, which is great. Yeah. Yeah. So,
0:17:26.880,0:17:33.760
we you know, so we went to toppings. Mhm. She had
the fish. See, clearly not a date because who gets
0:17:33.760,0:17:38.320
sizzling on their first date on their first date?
And it was it was the sizzling plate. So So you
0:17:38.320,0:17:43.520
smell like fish. Oh my god. You know, like Yeah.
I did not think it was a date. No. Right. Did
0:17:43.520,0:17:49.920
you think it was a date? No. I had the toino, of
course. So clearly same thing, right? I mean, so
0:17:49.920,0:17:54.640
you got the vinegar, you've got the Yeah. Dosino
was like just like a step down from Luminosa. Oh,
0:17:54.640,0:17:59.520
well, you know, you don't get the the burp and
the breath afterwards, but it's close, right? So,
0:17:59.520,0:18:05.040
that wasn't, you know, that wasn't a date. It was
really more like just like homecooked food. Yeah.
0:18:05.040,0:18:12.160
Right. Like community, I think, like Filipinos
do when you know, you feel like there's a stray
0:18:12.160,0:18:19.360
Filipino who doesn't know other Filipinos just
like, right? It's like the whole hospitalitydriven
0:18:19.360,0:18:25.120
mentality, right? After lunch, we're like, "Okay,
well, let's go to the Egyptian." Yeah. The museum.
0:18:25.120,0:18:29.040
Yeah. So, we did. So, that was a little bit of a
drive then. Yeah. We went down to San Jose. Yeah.
0:18:29.040,0:18:35.200
Yeah. Right. And the museum, it's like five bucks.
Yes, it is. Five bucks to get in, right? You know,
0:18:35.200,0:18:41.600
like, so I sprung the extra expensive. You know,
so it's like I paid for her to get in. Wow. How
0:18:41.600,0:18:46.720
chivalous. Such a gentleman. Such a gentleman.
You know, such a gentleman. Breaking the bank at
0:18:46.720,0:18:52.400
10 bucks, right? But so we were there. Her BART
ticket was more 100%. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So,
0:18:52.400,0:18:57.760
we were there. We were there for a while. Yeah.
Like in couple hours maybe. It's a big museum.
0:18:57.760,0:19:01.760
Not a big m But there's a lot in there. There's
a lot to see. There's a lot in there. Yeah. So,
0:19:01.760,0:19:06.160
what was this like around 5:00 or something
like that? Like, right. We were like, "Okay,
0:19:06.160,0:19:12.160
well, you know what? Cool. Let me take you back
to Fremont Park." As we were driving, right,
0:19:12.160,0:19:17.520
we were passing by Militas, the great mall. Yeah.
And I said, "Hey, by the way, you know, what are
0:19:17.520,0:19:21.920
you doing? Like, it's Saturday night, you know,
whatever. You want to catch a movie instead?" And
0:19:21.920,0:19:28.400
she's like, "Sure." So, we go to the great mall.
Totally spur, you know, like Wait, what movie did
0:19:28.400,0:19:33.760
you see? Oh gosh, the best. It was actually
the best. We didn't know. I didn't know what
0:19:33.760,0:19:37.280
was playing. She didn't know what was playing.
We just went. That is so wild because usually
0:19:37.280,0:19:41.920
when you want to see a movie, you have to like
plan your whole day around it. Check the times.
0:19:41.920,0:19:50.320
It was like spontaneous, right? And This was
before this was what Oscar winner did we end up?
0:19:50.320,0:20:01.360
It was that very very famous movie by Marky Mark
Wahlberg called Shooter. That is what we watched.
0:20:01.360,0:20:06.640
It was shooter. Did you choose the movie? That
was the only movie. I think it just happened
0:20:06.640,0:20:10.880
to be the only one that was starring at the
time. We didn't want to wait or the other ones
0:20:10.880,0:20:14.800
were like not interesting at all and we're just
like, "Yeah, sure. We'll watch Shooter." Yeah,
0:20:14.800,0:20:20.320
sure. We'll watch you. Tell me about, you know,
with Danny Glover and all of those people. Wait.
0:20:20.320,0:20:27.840
Okay. So, when he asked about the movie, did
it Was there any vibes? No. No. It was still
0:20:27.840,0:20:32.800
like a friendly like Yeah. I think it was just
like a we're already here and I was just like,
0:20:32.800,0:20:37.920
well, yeah, I'm not doing anything. Who else was I
going to watch a movie with even if I were in San
0:20:37.920,0:20:42.240
Francisco? Shooter. Really? Who else am I going
to watch? I don't think that was a romantic movie
0:20:42.240,0:20:47.360
whatsoever. Whatever. Yeah, it was great. Yeah.
So, what time was that? Like 600? Like around 5,
0:20:47.360,0:20:54.400
you know, 5 6 7 something. 7 7:30 8. Yeah. So,
after the movie, he's just like you I was just
0:20:54.400,0:20:59.840
like, "All right, so you know, you can drop me off
at port." And he's like, "Ah, it's getting dark,
0:20:59.840,0:21:03.840
you know, like I There's no direct train cuz it
was the weekend. That's right. There's no direct
0:21:03.840,0:21:09.120
train. You have to change at Bayfair. I don't
want you to do that. I don't think it's safe.
0:21:09.120,0:21:14.960
I'll drive you back to San Francisco." And I
was like, "Well, I don't have to get on BART
0:21:14.960,0:21:19.920
and wait at the station 20 minutes for the
next train to come." Sure. Okay. So, Nan No,
0:21:19.920,0:21:25.760
was this like was it like really just like
hospitality like community or Yeah. It wasn't,
0:21:25.760,0:21:29.840
you know, like it was because like or was there
like a party that's like she's really fun to hang
0:21:29.840,0:21:34.480
out with. I want to keep hanging out with her for
the rest of the day. You know, I think part of it,
0:21:34.480,0:21:38.560
you know, maybe that was a you know, that was
a part of it too, right? Maybe it wasn't like
0:21:38.560,0:21:44.560
conscious thought. Yeah. It was it was just like
it was it was really spontaneous and I am not a
0:21:44.560,0:21:50.240
very spontaneous person. I need everything planned
out. Mhm. So this is very unlike you. So this was
0:21:50.240,0:21:56.240
totally unlike me. When we got to San Francisco
he's like well it's about dinner time so we might
0:21:56.240,0:22:03.360
as well just get food. Oh yeah. We had we had
we had f we had f at on poke right. Yes. And I
0:22:03.360,0:22:08.000
saw my ex-girlfriend. Right. I did not know it
was his ex-girlfriend at the time. We like ran
0:22:08.000,0:22:12.560
into somebody and I was just like, "Hey, you know,
whatever." And just like, "Yes." Oh my gosh. They
0:22:12.560,0:22:18.160
did run into your forgot. Oh, you didn't tell me
it was your ex until later. Yeah. My I am like
0:22:18.160,0:22:22.560
blown away right now because you didn't have to
drive her back to San Francisco. You didn't have
0:22:22.560,0:22:29.120
to have dinner. No. But you The universe is very
weird sometimes. Yeah. It's kind of It's kind of
0:22:29.120,0:22:35.120
weird. We had f and then as we were walking back
to her place right there was this group that was
0:22:35.120,0:22:42.160
coming towards us and stuff and I'm thinking holy
cow holy cow that is my ex-girlfriend so said hi
0:22:42.160,0:22:46.640
and everything and oh you like had a conversation
and then no just kind of like pleasantries and
0:22:46.640,0:22:52.560
then we just kept on going and I said oh by
the way that was my ex-girlfriend and I was
0:22:52.560,0:23:00.480
just like oh okay anyway took her home proceeded
to go hugged and then went home Yeah. Okay. So,
0:23:00.480,0:23:06.320
that's like the most like first date, non-first
date I've ever heard. Yeah. I know. There's other
0:23:06.320,0:23:10.320
Everybody keeps saying they're just like, "How did
you not know there was a date?" I was like, "None,
0:23:10.320,0:23:15.440
neither of us thought it was a date." We were just
literally just I think that was the beauty of it.
0:23:15.440,0:23:19.200
There's no pressure. Because there's no pressure,
right? You guys were able to like get to know
0:23:19.200,0:23:26.720
each other kind of and like just I don't know,
talk freely like, "Yeah, I like to eat belly."
0:23:26.720,0:23:32.000
You know what I mean? and I enjoy eating. Like
that's like you know how it is when you're on
0:23:32.000,0:23:37.840
a first date. You're like I'll have like like a
little dainty like a feminine looking dish. Like
0:23:37.840,0:23:42.720
I'm not going to get like the burger that plus the
fact you know like if it was a first date I really
0:23:42.720,0:23:48.560
highly doubt I would have taken her to toppings.
You wouldn't have seen her. No way. I wouldn't
0:23:48.560,0:23:52.960
have seen I probably wouldn't have like gone to a
movie. Gone to a movie. Right. Because then you're
0:23:52.960,0:24:00.080
not talking each other. Yeah. Oh the Bob's here.
Bob's here. Boba break. Okay. So, we are we are at
0:24:00.080,0:24:06.800
the point where you guys had your non first date
first date. Yes. So, then what happened after? I
0:24:06.800,0:24:13.920
don't know. Maybe we were just chatting like Yeah.
On the phone through email. Email. Phone. Yeah.
0:24:13.920,0:24:25.920
So, like we met April. Yeah. Right. And then
July I bought my car. Yes. CRV. Yes. Yes. Oh,
0:24:25.920,0:24:30.880
it was like his first brand new car. That was his
very first car I ever bought with my own money.
0:24:30.880,0:24:37.120
And he was so excited that he could get a brand
new car with a bike rack. Mhm. Yeah. So he could
0:24:37.120,0:24:42.640
go cycling, take it cycling on the weekends, go
on drives. And he's like, "Do you want to come
0:24:42.640,0:24:48.240
over and take a drive in my new car?" I'm like,
"Yeah, sure." We went to Monteray. Yes. Take a
0:24:48.240,0:24:54.240
drive. That's like Well, he's like, "Have you ever
been to like Monterey Carmel?" Of course I hadn't
0:24:54.240,0:25:00.560
because I didn't have a car. Yeah. Um and back
then, you know, like for members at the aquarium,
0:25:00.560,0:25:06.880
you know, right? Really? So I had, you know,
my membership plus a guest pass. For me, it was
0:25:06.880,0:25:11.440
like I'm not really spending much of anything at
this point because I already have my membership.
0:25:11.440,0:25:17.920
You know, we get to break in my car, right? Drive
down the coast and stuff. So yeah. So that was our
0:25:17.920,0:25:24.240
first photo together. Yes. Where was it? Where was
the photo at the aquarium? Yes, at the aquarium.
0:25:24.240,0:25:28.480
Yeah. This was not a date. This was just It
wasn't like established. They think it was a
0:25:28.480,0:25:33.200
date. I don't think we Yeah. I don't think we even
thought it was a date. It was more like, "Hey,
0:25:33.200,0:25:38.880
I I have a new car. I have a new car and I have
a guest pass." Yeah. To the aquarium. Yeah. It's
0:25:38.880,0:25:45.040
just the aquarium is like such a romantic place,
right? Or is that just in like Japanese anime? No,
0:25:45.040,0:25:50.240
it's I mean it is an inherently a romantic like
it's it's nice. It's calm. It's peaceful. Yeah.
0:25:50.240,0:25:57.120
I mean, if anything, like as friends, like we we
enjoyed the same things, right? Right. Like Yeah.
0:25:57.120,0:26:04.000
I'll go to any museum cuz I'm a nerd. Like I will
go to whatever and talk about Yeah. And I don't
0:26:04.000,0:26:09.840
have to pay like And it's free instead of paying
the however like 25. It's expensive. Well, I mean
0:26:09.840,0:26:15.440
30 bucks to go in. Well, it's 75 bucks now. Oh
my god. Was that the poop rock day or was it not
0:26:15.440,0:26:20.960
the poop rock day? That was the poop rock day. So
we went to 17 milei drive too cuz he's just like
0:26:20.960,0:26:30.080
let's just do like the whole California coastal
thing on the way to Monterey and Carmel. And so we
0:26:30.080,0:26:35.600
went down 72 Mi Drive and for those of you who are
familiar with it, there are all these rocks in the
0:26:35.600,0:26:41.840
middle of the ocean like just off the coast and
they are white because all the seagulls and all
0:26:41.840,0:26:49.200
the other birds poop on them constantly. And so we
were, you know, just like staring out at the rocks
0:26:49.200,0:26:56.240
and at the exact same moment with the exact same
tone without even looking at each other, we just
0:26:56.240,0:27:04.000
yelled out poop rock. And I was just like, that
was like the weirdest. I don't know. Like anything
0:27:04.000,0:27:08.800
about it? No. It was like We've never talked about
anything of that sort. Like who names it a poop
0:27:08.800,0:27:13.360
rock? First of all, us. But Oh, wait. That's so
funny. That's not actually what it's called. No,
0:27:13.360,0:27:18.160
no, I don't think that's what it's called. I don't
know. I've called it poop rock. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
0:27:18.160,0:27:24.000
maybe because of you. And and we we both happen to
say it at the same time. That's so funny. With the
0:27:24.000,0:27:32.240
same tone. With the same tone. We were just both
like poop. Wait, do I know? Yeah. That's That's
0:27:32.240,0:27:36.080
the tone. That's so cute. That's pretty much We
just kind of looked at each other and laughed and
0:27:36.080,0:27:41.280
we were just like, that's so silly. And that was
when she found out that she wanted to marry me.
0:27:41.280,0:27:46.240
No, I mean that's when I was just like that's I
for me it's just like that's so weird that you
0:27:46.240,0:27:52.960
have that connection with somebody that you know
you're like just on the same wavelength and I was
0:27:52.960,0:27:58.400
just like yeah like you know this is a this is
a nice guy to like hang out with. Yeah. And also
0:27:58.400,0:28:04.320
like Monterey like I mean well you drove her back
to San Francisco on the first non-date first date
0:28:04.320,0:28:10.560
but like Monterey is like further. It's further.
It's like 1 and a half 45 minutes. And then what?
0:28:10.560,0:28:15.440
We saw the sunset in Carmel. We just sat on the
beach with everybody else like you know all the
0:28:15.440,0:28:20.320
other families that are just there. Just waited
for the sun to go down and then we drove back.
0:28:20.320,0:28:26.560
Yeah. So romantic. Yeah. They drove me back.
But not romantic. Yeah. Yeah. No, we Well,
0:28:26.560,0:28:32.880
wait. You drove her back to I know. Oh, there's
more. There's more. Wow. That was a packed day.
0:28:32.880,0:28:37.760
That was a very packed day because by the time
we got home, by the time we got back to the area,
0:28:37.760,0:28:42.720
it was already late. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet. Yeah,
it was. If you watch the sunset in Carmemell,
0:28:42.720,0:28:50.240
it must have been Yeah. And then why on earth did
we decide it was a good idea to drink to to split
0:28:50.240,0:28:56.080
a bottle of wine at your place? I don't know
what came over us. Well, we were w you know,
0:28:56.080,0:29:00.880
like Steve wanted to watch a movie. Oh, was that
right? And then we were watching a movie and we
0:29:00.880,0:29:04.960
were like we're like hey you know I have a bottle
of wine you want like so we're like okay whatever
0:29:04.960,0:29:09.200
you know so we drank but you split an entire
bottle of wine but we pretty I mean there's
0:29:09.200,0:29:15.840
only four glasses right to a bottle so we did we
only drink one? We only had one bottle I think.
0:29:15.840,0:29:21.600
Wow. Lightweight. Yeah we only had one bottle and
it was too late and obviously he had been drinking
0:29:21.600,0:29:27.600
so it's not like he could drive right. And so
he's just like you know just stay here whatever.
0:29:27.600,0:29:33.760
I'll drive you home tomorrow. And I was like,
"Sure." Then the next morning was hung over. Don't
0:29:33.760,0:29:40.640
tell my kids this. Wine hung over is a different
hungover. It was two glasses. It was bad. I don't
0:29:40.640,0:29:44.560
know. I don't know. Like if you put it that way,
it doesn't feel like that much, but like splitting
0:29:44.560,0:29:52.560
a b like a bottle of wine full. Yeah. It can get
you a good like buzz. Yeah. Yeah. And so woke up
0:29:52.560,0:29:57.200
the next day. He's like, "All right, we'll get
fur before I drive you back to San Francisco."
0:29:57.200,0:30:02.160
Yeah. Fuzz has like a really great hungover
like, "Yep." And I thought it would help. Oh,
0:30:02.160,0:30:12.720
we're going through one of those like clover
leaf turns and everything just Oh no. in his
0:30:12.720,0:30:18.560
brand new car. In the car. In the car. It was a
week old as he was driving. It was a week old. Oh,
0:30:18.560,0:30:25.680
I understand why you guys shared that look now.
And I so so embarrassed. I was so sick and so
0:30:25.680,0:30:29.280
embarrassed. And I was just like, "This is it.
This is the last time I'm ever ever going to
0:30:29.280,0:30:36.560
hear from this guy. He's gonna send me like a a
detailing belt. This brand new car." Like, yeah,
0:30:36.560,0:30:40.320
he's a guy and he's so proud of his new car. Like,
I'm just never going to hear from this guy again.
0:30:40.320,0:30:46.160
He's mind you, I I own the car like a week. Yeah.
I am gonna be that girl who threw up in his car
0:30:46.160,0:30:53.840
and that I'm just gonna be like a story that he
tells other people from that. That must have all
0:30:53.840,0:30:58.560
like this ran through your mind and like Yeah, it
was it was horrible. No, because that was still
0:30:58.560,0:31:06.240
like Fremont like we were still getting onto 880.
But it's still a good 40 minutes to my apartment.
0:31:06.240,0:31:12.560
So I ended up pulling over so I could I had all my
baby wipes because remember like when I was like
0:31:12.560,0:31:18.160
riding my bike I would always have baby wipes.
Yeah. Kind of clean up. So clean up the car as
0:31:18.160,0:31:22.800
best with baby wipes. As best we could. As best
we could. I'm just like curious how it went from
0:31:22.800,0:31:30.320
that cuz like okay like it's not your fault, you
know? It wasn't your fault. Like you did you did
0:31:30.320,0:31:35.520
all the things. you stayed the night and like
you you know had a breakfast the next day like
0:31:35.520,0:31:41.440
but what how did what was that like for you cuz
we you know we heard the mim she's mortified. Oh,
0:31:41.440,0:31:48.640
I was mortified, too. You know, it was a brand new
car. It's a $200 detail job. It Yeah. Well, it was
0:31:48.640,0:31:54.160
a brand new car. And but, you know, like I I think
I think beyond that, I I think it was more like,
0:31:54.160,0:32:01.120
"Oh, great." You know, like she's I got her sick,
you know, like she's now she's really embarrassed.
0:32:01.120,0:32:07.280
And yeah, the the rest of the ride back to your
place was like almost quiet. I wanted to crawl
0:32:07.280,0:32:16.560
in a like she wouldn't talk. I can't believe you
drove all the way. Yeah. Yeah. This is like my
0:32:16.560,0:32:22.320
worst nightmare. Seriously. So, drove her home,
right? Mhm. You know, walked her to her door,
0:32:22.320,0:32:27.920
gave her a hug, and then I left. Okay. But for
you, it wasn't like, "Oh my god, I'm never going
0:32:27.920,0:32:33.120
to want to see her again." Because that was her
fear. That was her fear. That that, you know,
0:32:33.120,0:32:38.080
that didn't even cross my mind. It was more
like, "Holy cow, she's sick, right?" You know,
0:32:38.080,0:32:43.600
like she's really sick. Yeah. Yeah. So, you were
worried about her? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I called
0:32:43.600,0:32:48.320
you the next day. You He did. He did call me the
next day to ask if I was like, "Are you okay?"
0:32:48.320,0:32:55.440
That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. There are worse things
than, you know, throwing up. For sure. There's
0:32:55.440,0:33:01.120
worse things than Yeah. in your brand new week
old car. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, like again,
0:33:01.120,0:33:07.040
you know, like I think our story is just kind of
like the non-traditional, right? I think for a
0:33:07.040,0:33:13.360
very long time it was more like you know like we
were good friends who like we like hanging out
0:33:13.360,0:33:20.320
spending time with each other. Yeah. And you know
like we would go on hikes or we would you know
0:33:20.320,0:33:28.960
walk around the city or do whatever together on
the weekends. Yeah. It's just it didn't feel like
0:33:28.960,0:33:35.280
right it was going to be like a romantic thing
necessarily. Yeah. Up until she went to Paris. You
0:33:35.280,0:33:40.960
might want to ask her about that. I went to Paris
by myself. That was going to be like my big I'm
0:33:40.960,0:33:47.280
just gonna treat myself and I love that. Travel
by myself because I'm single. I don't, you know,
0:33:47.280,0:33:53.920
I just want to experience the world by myself. Um
although I did ask him. I was just like, "Do you
0:33:53.920,0:33:58.240
want to come to Paris with me?" Because part of
me was like scaredy-cat for sure. But I also had
0:33:58.240,0:34:03.760
just gotten back from Peru. Yeah. And he's like,
"So there's no way I can take two big vacations in
0:34:03.760,0:34:09.840
the same year." So, I was in Paris for two weeks.
Yeah. I love that you did that. I think I would
0:34:09.840,0:34:16.080
do Yeah. Like I had a I had an amazing time and
then I don't know. It was one of those like while
0:34:16.080,0:34:21.600
I was there I think I was thinking this would be
cool if Ricky was here because you know it's art
0:34:21.600,0:34:26.560
and it's architecture and it's all of the stuff
that we like together and I was like ah he would
0:34:26.560,0:34:33.920
totally geek out over all of this. Oh too. And so
especially the architecture. Especially the AR and
0:34:33.920,0:34:39.120
the photograph like just taking photos of stuff.
Yeah, absolutely. And then when I came home like
0:34:39.120,0:34:44.880
he picked me up from the airport. Wow. And Yeah.
I don't know. Did you miss me while I was there?
0:34:44.880,0:34:53.280
He missed me. I did. Was that the same year that
I had my birthday and I Yes. So his birthday that
0:34:53.280,0:35:00.240
year, so September. September. He said, "You know,
my family always gets together for my birthday.
0:35:00.240,0:35:05.680
They get together for everybody's birthdays. But
would you like to come to my parents house? You
0:35:05.680,0:35:13.600
know, like his best friend was also gonna go
there. Remember Mera? Yeah. Yeah. So I said,
0:35:13.600,0:35:19.280
you know, hey, will be there. Steve, his
roommate was going to be there and he's like,
0:35:19.280,0:35:24.480
if you want Filipino food, you can. Yeah. Because
you know, that's what's going to be on the menu.
0:35:24.480,0:35:29.200
And so that's the first time that I met everybody
in your family, including you, cuz you were there.
0:35:29.200,0:35:34.560
I don't remember this. No, it's fine. Yeah.
And Mera couldn't make it. Was Steve there?
0:35:34.560,0:35:40.320
Yeah. Okay. Steve was there, you know. So, it was
just you and Steve. Mhm. And then the rest of the
0:35:40.320,0:35:44.320
family. And the rest of the rest of the family.
But yeah, it was the first time I met everybody
0:35:44.320,0:35:52.800
and you know, like your your grandpa, your papa
being who he was. Um he was just like, you know,
0:35:52.800,0:35:59.680
what do you miss from home? And I was like, curry
curry, right? like it's certain dishes that you
0:35:59.680,0:36:03.600
miss that take a long time to make that I can't
make and he's just like all right next time you
0:36:03.600,0:36:07.920
come back I'll make it for you come back next week
I'll come back next week come back next week and
0:36:07.920,0:36:12.000
I'll make it for you next week and I'm like well
wait a minute I've been asking for you to make it
0:36:12.000,0:36:19.280
for me and that's right you you never do so what
was what was your like what was it like for you
0:36:19.280,0:36:24.400
to me it was just it was comfortable right because
it's just it's just like being with your Filipino
0:36:24.400,0:36:30.080
family and you just fall into the like Oh, auntie
like you know your your grandma and your papa are
0:36:30.080,0:36:36.000
like auntie and uncle and so yeah it just felt
like going to just like a family party and then
0:36:36.000,0:36:42.720
I don't know when exactly yeah I don't there was
like one night when Ricky just looked at me and
0:36:42.720,0:36:51.280
he was just like he had a serious look on his face
and I was just like oh and he just said I'm going
0:36:51.280,0:36:56.240
to be really frank with you and really direct
with you right now which I hate I hate confr
0:36:56.240,0:37:01.200
confrontation. I hate direct talk. Oh, so like
stomach dropped and Yeah. And I was just like,
0:37:01.200,0:37:09.680
oh, does this look bad or And he's just like, you
know, we've been spending a lot of time together
0:37:09.680,0:37:18.960
and this almost verbatim. I am almost I'm at that
point in my life where I want to be serious with
0:37:18.960,0:37:27.280
somebody. And if this is not going to be a serious
thing, maybe we shouldn't hang out with each other
0:37:27.280,0:37:32.800
as much. I think like if I felt like we were just
going to be friends, I probably would have been
0:37:32.800,0:37:37.520
like, "Well, then yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe we shouldn't hang out. It's not going to
0:37:37.520,0:37:43.440
be like anything." And so I think I just like
sat there whatever. And then he just went and
0:37:43.440,0:37:49.280
like did whatever. And he was perfectly fine. But
I just kept thinking like, okay, like what would
0:37:49.280,0:37:55.600
life be like or like weekends be like if I didn't
see him all the time? Like would I be mad? Like if
0:37:55.600,0:38:03.200
he if he ended up like showing up at the holiday
party with some other girl, would I be upset or
0:38:03.200,0:38:07.440
I don't know. But wait, when you asked that,
Nano, it was already like like you had already
0:38:07.440,0:38:13.200
been kind of thinking about her like that. I think
so. You know, I think so because I wasn't I wasn't
0:38:13.200,0:38:21.120
getting any younger at that point. How old were
you then? I was like so 2007 2008. Yeah. I would
0:38:21.120,0:38:29.200
be 37. Yeah. At the time. Not to say that I was
looking to Right. You know, like marry like marry
0:38:29.200,0:38:35.760
somebody right then because I'd be perfectly fine,
you know, just being single. Right. Right. Kind of
0:38:35.760,0:38:40.560
like, you know, like the uncle the single uncle
that would just be whatever took you to build a
0:38:40.560,0:38:45.520
bear and take you guys to build a bear. Right. Get
whatever you want. to my horror. It's just like,
0:38:45.520,0:38:50.640
you sure for a birthday party that wasn't even my
birthday, right? Yeah. Oh god, I love how we both
0:38:50.640,0:38:55.440
Yeah. went there immediately. So, um Yeah. So, you
know, like you start thinking about it and you're
0:38:55.440,0:39:02.240
like, okay, well, yeah. Like, would it be fair to
each other, right? Because like if it wasn't it'd
0:39:02.240,0:39:08.960
be nice to know so then you can you know maybe so
there's no guilt if you right if you end up seeing
0:39:08.960,0:39:14.640
other people or like there's no misunderstanding
or but back then you know I wasn't really you know
0:39:14.640,0:39:22.080
like I active that would be that would be too
much. It wasn't like I had somebody that I was
0:39:22.080,0:39:27.200
thinking of. Yeah. Like no it wasn't that. It was
like you guys had been hanging out by then enough
0:39:27.200,0:39:32.640
time where it's like it could it could grow and
Yeah. It's like hey you know what this is cool but
0:39:32.640,0:39:37.120
you know if we are dating then it's that's even
probably cooler. Like is that really actually
0:39:37.120,0:39:42.800
going to change much? Yeah right. I mean I think
it's more like just a commitment committing to
0:39:42.800,0:39:48.960
that relationship that you guys had built or
we had built over months right you know and
0:39:48.960,0:39:54.800
am I going to be able to see my life without you
know Melissa right there? It just dawned on me and
0:39:54.800,0:39:59.120
I'm like, "Okay, well, I thought about it. Feel
the same way. Then this sucks." Yeah. You know,
0:39:59.120,0:40:02.400
so it's like, "Might as well just face the
music right now, right?" You know, like ask the
0:40:02.400,0:40:07.040
question. If it works, it works. If it doesn't,
then it doesn't, you know? So, and that's funny
0:40:07.040,0:40:12.720
because like I think because I think this happened
like pretty soon after I came back from France,
0:40:12.720,0:40:17.440
I think. I think so. Because I remember like
half of me was just like, "Oh, I miss Ricky. It
0:40:17.440,0:40:20.960
would be cool if you were here." But the other
half of me was just like, "I like this. Like,
0:40:20.960,0:40:28.880
I don't mind being single." Yeah. you know, like
I I don't like having to feel like I have to chase
0:40:28.880,0:40:33.920
being in a relationship. Like I'm perfectly happy
on my own. I can travel on my own, you know, like
0:40:33.920,0:40:40.080
be an independent woman and take care of myself.
That's nice though cuz that it feels like he was
0:40:40.080,0:40:44.800
like a supplement to the life that you already
had. He wasn't like your whole life. It was like,
0:40:44.800,0:40:49.360
you know, you were like I didn't I didn't need
I I feel like maybe that's why like I didn't
0:40:49.360,0:40:57.120
need him to make my life what it was. Does it
make it better? Does it make it more fun? Like,
0:40:57.120,0:41:04.000
sure. For sure. Yeah. It's either this or that
because, you know, otherwise it's just leaving
0:41:04.000,0:41:10.800
room for interpretation. I think neither of us
like that sort of like weird gray area. Yeah.
0:41:10.800,0:41:16.240
Hence DTR. Yeah. So, that was the DTR. That was
the That was the first That was the first The
0:41:16.240,0:41:20.800
first The first DTR. Yeah. We had two. Okay. Yeah.
Because this was kind of just like establishing
0:41:20.800,0:41:25.760
that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That we like each
other like you know like take the relationship
0:41:25.760,0:41:35.200
to the next step or whatever. This was around 2007
maybe early 2008. Yeah. Right. Mhm. Yeah. So Wow.
0:41:35.200,0:41:40.160
Right before the recession. Yeah. Sorry. I don't
know why that's I just associate. Well that too.
0:41:40.160,0:41:47.760
Well because the recession the recession changed a
lot of things. So yeah 2008 what downturn started.
0:41:47.760,0:41:53.040
Downturn started the mortgage crisis happened.
Right. right? You know, like obviously real estate
0:41:53.040,0:42:01.040
crash. Real estate crashed. Um, housing market
was crazy. Yeah. And you know, obviously that
0:42:01.040,0:42:06.080
affects like working for an architectural firm
that affects you directly because And you were on
0:42:06.080,0:42:16.000
a visa. I was on a work visa. I think it was May
2009. June. It was June. May June June 2009. He
0:42:16.000,0:42:21.600
remembers that. You know, my boss took me aside
and he said, you know, just so you know, like I
0:42:21.600,0:42:30.160
know that your work visa is up in November and I
had the option if the company wanted to keep me,
0:42:30.160,0:42:34.640
they could renew it for another 3 years
and then after that they could decide to
0:42:34.640,0:42:41.200
like sponsor me for citizenship. But because
of the downturn, like rightly so, you know,
0:42:41.200,0:42:48.240
they're mandated pretty much to hire Americans
first, as they should. And so they're like, "We
0:42:48.240,0:42:54.800
will not be renewing your visa when it expires in
November." Wow. And so I just remember being like,
0:42:54.800,0:43:01.200
"Okay, like what does this mean?" Sure. I mean,
can go home to the Philippines. Like my family is
0:43:01.200,0:43:07.840
there. Yeah. um everybody except my sister and
that could be fine but obviously I had to tell
0:43:07.840,0:43:13.600
him. Mhm. And so I remembered by then how long
had you guys been dating? Almost a couple years.
0:43:13.600,0:43:19.840
Yeah. That was Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
so I tried to call him, couldn't reach him. I went
0:43:19.840,0:43:28.320
on Bart and kept trying to call him and he I don't
know. You were like out I'm on a on a bike ride or
0:43:28.320,0:43:33.440
something that day. And so I called his roommate,
known as Steve, and he's just like, "Yeah,
0:43:33.440,0:43:38.240
Ricky's not here, but I'm home. So if you want to
come over and wait for him, that's fine." Yeah. So
0:43:38.240,0:43:42.000
he came home and he's just like, "What are you
doing here?" I was like, "Oh, Steve, you know,
0:43:42.000,0:43:46.640
let me in." And he's like, "What's wrong?" And so
I told him, you know, I'm going to have to go home
0:43:46.640,0:43:54.160
in November. And I think his first reaction after
like the initial shock was like, "No, you're not."
0:43:54.160,0:43:58.080
And I was like, "What do you mean I have to go?
Like my visa is up." right? He's like, "All right,
0:43:58.080,0:44:05.200
well, let's just think about it." And I was like,
"All right, I could go home. You can petition for
0:44:05.200,0:44:12.640
me as a fiance to come back on a fiance visa, get
married here when I when it's approved, and then,
0:44:12.640,0:44:16.480
you know, whatever, 6 months to a year, I'm back
and we're married and we're back together." And
0:44:16.480,0:44:23.200
then I don't know was it like no he was I think
he'd heard you know like he had he had friends I
0:44:23.200,0:44:26.960
have a lot of friends that whose wives are still
in their home countries and they can't bring them
0:44:26.960,0:44:33.120
over. They have kids already. Wow. And they can't
and he just he's like I do not want you to leave
0:44:33.120,0:44:38.640
and take the chance that you are not going to
be allowed back. I half in my mind I was like
0:44:38.640,0:44:43.600
I'm still going home. Like right it's hard to
keep your hopes up for something like that.
0:44:43.600,0:44:48.320
Yeah. Yeah. And I was just like, you know, like
how serious is he or is this I I just remember
0:44:48.320,0:44:54.800
that was a long night. That was a long night for
both of us because we were like talking through
0:44:54.800,0:45:01.200
all the different the logistics of it. So yeah,
like we kind of vaguely talked about it and then
0:45:01.200,0:45:07.680
we went on a trip up to Lassen. You guys were
happened to be there at the same time and Oh,
0:45:07.680,0:45:12.560
that was we were there with mom and Scott. Yeah.
Like you guys just happened to be there that same
0:45:12.560,0:45:18.240
weekend. And I don't we didn't plan it that way,
but we saw you guys on the trail going down to Oh,
0:45:18.240,0:45:24.720
what's it called? As hell, right? We saw you
there. Yeah. Oh my god. I literally Your mom
0:45:24.720,0:45:29.440
like sprained her ankle in the snow. She fell in
the snow. I That's what I was going to say. I'm
0:45:29.440,0:45:33.520
like I think I blocked that whole hike out of my
mind. It was kind of a crazy It's kind of a crazy
0:45:33.520,0:45:38.240
hike. It's a crazy hike. And we were not prepared.
No, cuz it was There was still snow on the ground.
0:45:38.240,0:45:43.440
There was still snow on the ground. We weren't
prepared either because we came from the hot side.
0:45:43.440,0:45:47.520
We went the other side. I know. The the weather
over there is so crazy. You could literally drive
0:45:47.520,0:45:52.320
like half an hour and it's like completely Yeah.
like 14 in of snow and then the other side is like
0:45:52.320,0:45:57.760
80°. I did not know you guys were there. Yeah.
Yeah, we were there. So then what happened on that
0:45:57.760,0:46:06.400
trip? So we're driving back and it's like what a
4 hour drive back here. I don't know. I I don't
0:46:06.400,0:46:12.960
know why still a part of me was like resisting
the fact that I think it's maybe also being it's
0:46:12.960,0:46:17.520
being scared right of the entire situation. I
think maybe my fear was like we're being forced
0:46:17.520,0:46:22.640
into a decision as opposed to making the decision
for ourselves organically. And like did he feel
0:46:22.640,0:46:28.080
pressured to say that we should get married
for whatever? And then the car is just like
0:46:28.080,0:46:33.440
okay we're this is DTR. This is DTR number two.
Okay. I'm glad we didn't skip it. He's just like,
0:46:33.440,0:46:39.360
"Okay, we just need to decide right now. Are we
getting married?" He's like, "Because I want to
0:46:39.360,0:46:43.840
get married to you. Do you want to get married to
me?" And first, no, I I said, "What did he say?" I
0:46:43.840,0:46:50.480
said, "I can totally see myself growing old with
you." That is what he said. That's what I said.
0:46:50.480,0:46:57.200
That's what I said. That is That is better. Yeah.
Yes. It is much more poetic. Thank you. And Oh,
0:46:57.200,0:47:05.360
no. Yes. He secretly Well, not secretly. He people
always think that because I write and I'm a writer
0:47:05.360,0:47:11.520
that I'm the romantic of the two of us. It's
such such a lie. Like he's he's definitely
0:47:11.520,0:47:18.560
more the romantic. But I don't know why. Like I
just started sobbing when he said that. I was I
0:47:18.560,0:47:24.000
was like genuinely scared. But here we are in
a car on the freeway. I can't get out. She had
0:47:24.000,0:47:28.880
nowhere to go. I had no He did that. He did that
deliberately. Yeah. No, that's a lot. That's a
0:47:28.880,0:47:34.880
lot. Like feeling a lot. Yeah, like you're about
to lose your job, but then I was going to I was
0:47:34.880,0:47:41.680
going to have to leave the life that I had planned
on living and that was like not the plan. Not in
0:47:41.680,0:47:47.760
the cards and, you know, like not what I saw
for myself or wanted for myself. I was going
0:47:47.760,0:47:56.080
to possibly lose somebody that, you know, I was in
a relationship with and, you know, if I couldn't
0:47:56.080,0:48:02.000
come back, then then what? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
So there was a lot there was a lot of a lot of
0:48:02.000,0:48:08.000
feelings happening in that car and stuff. I know
that's not a short drive. That's a pretty long
0:48:08.000,0:48:14.320
drive. Yeah. And so we just kind of thought okay
after the crying it's like okay if this is the
0:48:14.320,0:48:21.040
plan then we need to start moving towards that.
And so we're just like all right what do we need
0:48:21.040,0:48:27.760
to do to make this happen? So needed to obviously
tell my parents. So, I called my parents and I
0:48:27.760,0:48:33.760
said, you know, here's the situation with my job.
And my mom starts sobbing on the phone and I was
0:48:33.760,0:48:39.040
like, "Mom, I told you I've been seeing somebody."
And she's just like, "I know." She's like, "But
0:48:39.040,0:48:45.760
she's like, it's my baby getting married and I'm
not there." Just to add to the complexity of this,
0:48:45.760,0:48:51.600
I haven't asked her to marry me. Right. You
know, so so we're kind of So, we're just like
0:48:51.600,0:48:56.000
chugging along with the plan. We're putting
the cart before the horse. Yeah. Right. Well,
0:48:56.000,0:49:02.160
you guys you guys had like a time sensitivity
urgency. We had to do all of this like by like
0:49:02.160,0:49:10.960
file papers by November. Ricky started emailing my
parents and like introducing himself. And then in
0:49:10.960,0:49:17.360
September, early September, Ricky was like, I'm
going to fly out to the Philippines. Wow. Again,
0:49:17.360,0:49:23.920
adding to the complexity of the whole thing. Right
before then. You haven't asked. Right before then,
0:49:23.920,0:49:30.240
Papa had a heart attack. That's right. And Papa
was in the hospital right before you had your
0:49:30.240,0:49:35.920
ticket and already everything. Ricky was about
to leave. Yeah. And so like traditionally in
0:49:35.920,0:49:43.040
Philippine culture, you have what's called
the pomman. Panhikan and that's when the
0:49:43.040,0:49:48.800
groom's family goes to the bride's family's home
introduces themselves and you know like kind of
0:49:48.800,0:49:59.920
make a formal I did the panhiken in um October
right because I proposed to you when September
0:49:59.920,0:50:05.680
September what date so bad he does this every
year I don't know what's happening I don't know
0:50:05.680,0:50:11.760
the date the show is forgets oh and you remember
oh I remember he remembers the I I noticed before
0:50:11.760,0:50:21.440
his birthday. Yeah. My mind is like a a steel trap
when it comes to these dates. September 12th her
0:50:21.440,0:50:26.800
right now. Yes. Yeah. September 12th was when
I proposed to her. So one day he's just like,
0:50:26.800,0:50:32.720
"Huh, it's been so stressful. Let's drive down to
Carmel." Oh, Monteray and Carmel, right? And I was
0:50:32.720,0:50:37.920
just like, "Yeah, sure. Great." And so my first
clue should have been we stopped at the El Pole
0:50:37.920,0:50:42.720
Loco on Coleman. The one that's still there. The
one that's still there. Yeah. Randomly there were
0:50:42.720,0:50:49.120
these two police. The parking lot was open. Yeah.
Parking lot was open. Mhm. Nobody there except for
0:50:49.120,0:50:54.160
two police cars that had space in between them and
Ricky's like, "Watch this." He parks in between
0:50:54.160,0:51:00.080
the two police cars. And I'm just like, "Dude,
why why are we doing this?" pull up between the
0:51:00.080,0:51:06.320
two cop cars, you know, like the cops are looking
at us from inside El Poo Loco being like, "Why?
0:51:06.320,0:51:12.000
Why?" Anyway, so we go in, we eat, whatever. Oh,
there was like no point to that. You just wanted
0:51:12.000,0:51:17.600
to Well, oh, he was carrying a backpack, which
he usually does. cameras in there and whatever,
0:51:17.600,0:51:24.720
but the ring was in there and he was like, "If I
park between these two, the chances of somebody
0:51:24.720,0:51:29.200
taking the backpack because he'd be like, she'd
be so weirded out if I take a backpack with me
0:51:29.200,0:51:38.560
into a poo loco." Oh, wow. So, he parked it there
and then we went down to Monterey Aquarium, um,
0:51:38.560,0:51:45.120
which was where he was originally going to propose
to me at the site of our first selfie. Yes. by the
0:51:45.120,0:51:52.880
tide pools. But what happened? I got so nervous
and I was like dry heaving. It was your turn to
0:51:52.880,0:51:58.080
Oh yeah. Oh, I was dry heaving. So he just said,
"I excuse me." And he went to the restroom. I
0:51:58.080,0:52:03.520
did. And I was dry heaving and all the other guys
were like, "Are you okay?" Oh my gosh. And here's
0:52:03.520,0:52:07.760
the funny part. It's like there was really no
reason to be nervous. I know. I was just going to
0:52:07.760,0:52:12.400
say like talked about it all and you didn't just
like talk about it like normal couples talk about
0:52:12.400,0:52:17.840
marriage. Like you guys had told your parents that
this is the plan. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and if you
0:52:17.840,0:52:23.600
didn't get married, then they'd be super weird.
Yeah. Yeah. And I was thinking, you know, like she
0:52:23.600,0:52:29.280
could still say no. Right. Then I now I've got
this rock in my pocket and I can't do anything
0:52:29.280,0:52:34.880
about it. Right. So anyways, it never happened.
It didn't happen in Monterey Bay Aquarium. Yeah.
0:52:34.880,0:52:40.320
So we went down to Carmel and he's like we go down
to the beach and he's like, "Hey, let's go to that
0:52:40.320,0:52:44.160
cove like way over there." there. I'm just like,
dude, because there was there was so many people.
0:52:44.160,0:52:49.520
You know how it is. Like a busy day, right? No way
you were going to do it in front of all this. And
0:52:49.520,0:52:55.520
I was like, I'm not why like the tights coming
in. I don't want to get wet. You had no idea. I
0:52:55.520,0:53:01.120
was being like the I was being like a total like
whiny brat at that point. I don't know why. I was
0:53:01.120,0:53:05.440
just like, "No, like I just want to sit here. Can
we just sit here? Why can't we just sit here?"
0:53:05.440,0:53:10.480
And he's just like, "Oh, let's just at least
let's go up there." And I'm just like, "Okay."
0:53:10.480,0:53:16.000
And so we go up where at least it's like shaded
by some trees. And then I turn around. What was
0:53:16.000,0:53:21.680
the what were the actual words? Oh, and there's
this. And there's this. He was just like, "No."
0:53:21.680,0:53:28.000
And I started to walk away and he said, "But babe,
there's this." And I turn around and he's on one
0:53:28.000,0:53:33.360
knee and he has like the ring. And I think as soon
as I saw him on one knee, I don't even remember
0:53:33.360,0:53:40.160
it. Like I think it's just like tears like
blurring my vision. And then Yeah. Yeah. proposed
0:53:40.160,0:53:47.600
and then there's you say yes I think a eventually
so that was like September early September right
0:53:47.600,0:53:54.880
and then first week of October first week of
October October 4th um he remembers all these
0:53:54.880,0:54:01.440
dates I flew down to the Philippines for three
days for three days oh wow trip yeah it was a very
0:54:01.440,0:54:08.640
very because he literally thought I'm going to go
there do the panhikan and then come back and yeah
0:54:09.280,0:54:16.720
your grandparents couldn't go because your grandpa
was in the hospital and so um his aunt and uncle
0:54:16.720,0:54:22.880
who live in the same city as my parents tonas
were and Tita Peach were the ones who they were
0:54:22.880,0:54:28.080
the ones who stepped in right mom and dad like
they were the stand-ins so here's where the funny
0:54:28.080,0:54:36.320
Filipino network thing is Tito Jonas and my uncle
used to play together when they were teenagers or
0:54:36.320,0:54:41.760
like you know hang out together when they were
teenagers Oh my gosh. So, as soon as, you know,
0:54:41.760,0:54:46.880
they said like, "Oh, well, who who's Ricky going
to come with?" And they said, "Oh, you know, his
0:54:46.880,0:54:56.000
mom's cousin is Dr. Jonas's wife." Wow. And then
they're just like, "Oh, okay." And it became like,
0:54:56.000,0:55:02.160
"Well, we know them." It's just like it's not
Yeah. as uncomfortable because at least you know
0:55:02.160,0:55:08.240
each other. Yeah. So, he goes in with his aunt
and uncle. they meet because it's my grandparents
0:55:08.240,0:55:14.000
house at the time. So my grandparents, my brother
who was upset because my parents did not tell him
0:55:14.000,0:55:21.280
until that day that that's what the day was for.
Wow. And he's 12 years younger than me. So he's
0:55:21.280,0:55:27.440
you know my parents obviously my uncle and aunts
or every cousins everybody was there. Everybody
0:55:27.440,0:55:32.400
was there. The entire like Santos clan was there
descended onto the house. Mind you this is October
0:55:32.400,0:55:41.120
so it's hella hot. Hot, humid. I'm nervous. I was
wearing a long sleeve shirt. Why? Tucked in. Oh,
0:55:41.120,0:55:46.240
because I want you to look nice. You have to dress
up nice, right? Your your mom was like, "Oh, Ricky
0:55:46.240,0:55:51.920
is really warm." And they were all okay. They were
all fine, right? You are not used to it anymore.
0:55:51.920,0:55:59.200
In a good spot, right? So, they said, "Nate, my
brother, why don't you bring in the extra fan? An
0:55:59.200,0:56:06.000
extra fan." Uh-huh. So Nate's like without saying
any word got up, brought down a fan, plugged it
0:56:06.000,0:56:12.080
in, turned it on, and faced it towards himself. He
was having none of this. He was having none of it.
0:56:12.080,0:56:18.240
Oh, he was mad. He was mad. I think by the time
my brother was a little older, like Caleb's age,
0:56:18.240,0:56:22.640
like my sister was already in college, right? So
for most of him growing, it was just the two of
0:56:22.640,0:56:26.880
us. Just you. Yeah. And so he was like, "Why?"
Hey, he told my parents later like why did you
0:56:26.880,0:56:33.680
not warn me that this dude is going to come over
and then you know like whatever taking over my
0:56:33.680,0:56:40.240
sister's life. So you're still sweating. I'm still
sweating. So here I am you know like chatting with
0:56:40.240,0:56:47.280
her mom and her dad and you know I was nervous,
right? I was nervous. All eyes were on me and I
0:56:47.280,0:56:54.800
was talking and I was like sweating profusely. I
mean it was buckets. Ta Peach realized that I was
0:56:54.800,0:57:01.120
sweating so bad. She So she hands me a Kleenex.
So I was sweating. So I was wiping my face with
0:57:01.120,0:57:06.800
Kleenex. I wasn't dabbing. I was l literally just
wiping, right? Like get the sweat off me. Get the
0:57:06.800,0:57:12.880
sweat off me. Like my, you know, my neck and
everything. I have a goatee. As I'm talking to
0:57:12.880,0:57:21.040
mom, like her face was like contorting into like
what is going on? Like she didn't understand what
0:57:21.040,0:57:27.600
I was saying. like her her eyebrows were furrowed
and I'm thinking, "Wow, I must be really messing
0:57:27.600,0:57:33.760
up because I have no clue. You're blowing it. I'm
blowing it." So, I said, you know, I I said, you
0:57:33.760,0:57:39.280
know, I wish my parents were here, but I'm really
lucky to have my aunt and my uncle. And I looked
0:57:39.280,0:57:45.680
over and I looked at Ta Peach and Ta Peach just
had this this horrified horrified look on her face
0:57:45.680,0:57:53.280
and I'm thinking, "Oh my god, her too." And then
that's when teacher Peach said, "I am so sorry. My
0:57:53.280,0:58:00.800
nephew is really nervous right now that the entire
Kleenex sheet disintegrated on his face." So she
0:58:00.800,0:58:07.920
starts picking picking the pieces of Kleenex that
is stuck on my goatee on my face and everything.
0:58:07.920,0:58:12.640
Gosh, that was fun. That was quite embarrassing,
you know, but it was okay. At least I'd like to
0:58:12.640,0:58:17.840
think I kind of won them over, you know. But for
sure. Yeah. But I mean you like I mean obviously
0:58:17.840,0:58:23.520
they said it was It was fine. It was a Yeah, but
I think they also understood and they appreciated
0:58:23.520,0:58:29.920
that he didn't have to go right all the way there
to do it. Yeah, I did. You know, I did tell your
0:58:29.920,0:58:38.080
dad, "Mr. Santos, you might not be able to make it
here in the US, but next year at this same time,
0:58:38.080,0:58:44.560
you will have the opportunity to walk her down
the aisle and give her away because we plan on
0:58:44.560,0:58:50.400
going back and getting married over there, right?"
So, I think he appreciated that. Oh my gosh. Did I
0:58:50.400,0:58:55.600
I told you guys right at your wedding I was like
balling. Oh yeah. I don't know. Like I remember
0:58:55.600,0:59:03.120
I was like 2009 I was in eighth grade. Yeah. I was
Sophia's age. I don't know like what came over me.
0:59:03.120,0:59:08.240
I think that was the first time I'd ever like
been just overtaken by like happy tears. Yeah.
0:59:08.240,0:59:13.040
You know, and I Yeah. I was I was so young. It was
so weird. But it's also like you know like that's
0:59:13.040,0:59:19.120
your that's your Nanu. Like that's like a really
close family member that you've been able to like
0:59:19.120,0:59:24.800
attend the wedding of and that was the first
time I had been to a wedding that wasn't you
0:59:24.800,0:59:29.920
know like the traditional church. So I was like
what's happening like is this is this a wedding?
0:59:29.920,0:59:33.840
It was a mob wedding. It was flash mob wedding.
It was a flash mob wedding. What does that mean?
0:59:33.840,0:59:39.840
Because so we wanted to get married in the park
and we called the park service and we said, "Hey,
0:59:39.840,0:59:46.240
if we wanted to get married in any of these like
smaller gardens at Golden Gate Park, we knew we'd
0:59:46.240,0:59:50.240
have to maybe get a permit." And they're like 600
bucks for the whole day for the day. And I'm like,
0:59:50.240,0:59:56.480
"But I don't want a day. I want an hour tops."
Barely. Yeah. Right. Like it's a 15-minute
0:59:56.480,1:00:02.160
ceremony. We'll take some pictures and we'll
leave. So we just showed up with the minister. We
1:00:02.160,1:00:07.280
all just showed up. And did are you just realizing
that right now? Yeah, we all just showed up. We
1:00:07.280,1:00:11.680
We all just showed up. You guys didn't get in
trouble or anything? Well, oh, we did. Yeah,
1:00:11.680,1:00:16.800
we did. Oh, really? Yeah. Park service. We have
photos of park service like Oh my god. I'm too
1:00:16.800,1:00:20.640
busy crying. I don't know. You know, we would have
paid like a hundred bucks. Yeah, I would have paid
1:00:20.640,1:00:26.400
100 200 bucks, right? 15 minutes. Yeah. But I'm
not going to pay for an entire day that I'm not
1:00:26.400,1:00:31.520
going to use. Yeah. And that entire day people are
still coming in and out, right? Right. You don't
1:00:31.520,1:00:35.040
like you didn't like rent out the whole party. Do
you close out that place for an entire day? No,
1:00:35.040,1:00:39.840
you don't. So, yeah, park service came in during
like the ceremony. They waited until the ceremony
1:00:39.840,1:00:44.160
was over. They waited until the ceremony was done.
So nice of them. And then and then they left,
1:00:44.160,1:00:49.280
gave me a lecture, left, and then came back
again when we were taking pictures. And she said,
1:00:49.280,1:00:52.960
you know, it's like, hey, you know, I told you to
leave. You can't have ceremonies here. We're like,
1:00:52.960,1:00:57.440
we're not having ceremonies. We're taking our
pictures. Yeah. Like the ceremony's over. You
1:00:57.440,1:01:02.480
saw You saw it end. Yeah. So, if you if you're you
know if you're still intent on giving us a ticket,
1:01:02.480,1:01:06.000
then just give it to me now and you can
leave. Yeah. Like she never did. Even if
1:01:06.000,1:01:09.680
they did give you a ticket, it would have been
like less than $600, probably. And I was like
1:01:09.680,1:01:14.800
grinning like an idiot. I was like, I don't care,
lady. Like I mean, I just got married. Oh my god,
1:01:14.800,1:01:20.560
that's so annoying. Yeah, it was funny. But, you
know, like that made an interesting day. It it's
1:01:20.560,1:01:25.680
it's Yeah, it's not your traditional It's not your
traditional thing, right? Nothing was traditional.
1:01:25.680,1:01:32.160
We were on a budget. We were a very very strict
budget. Um, okay. So, the video cut out. So,
1:01:32.160,1:01:36.320
we're just gonna we're just gonna We are back.
Oh, we're back. Note to self, I have to plug in my
1:01:36.320,1:01:43.040
phone while we record cuz it died. It died. What
we had what we had talked about before the phone
1:01:43.040,1:01:49.040
died is that like the journey itself was really
stressful because like you guys got married.
1:01:49.040,1:01:52.800
This was like October, but you know, you
spent the next like the rest of the year
1:01:52.800,1:01:58.400
essentially filing the paperwork and like getting
interviewed and trying to prove your relationship
1:01:58.400,1:02:02.880
that it exists and stuff. It wasn't a marriage for
convenience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Although, I mean,
1:02:02.880,1:02:07.120
our lawyer told us like our first meeting with
him, he's like, I know you. He was just like,
1:02:07.120,1:02:10.880
you know, I've been at this a while. When people
walk through the door, I can tell who's faking
1:02:10.880,1:02:15.520
it and who's not. Wow. But he was just like,
otherwise, he's like, yeah, you can tell within
1:02:15.520,1:02:19.520
seconds whether people are lying or not. For sure.
Actually, the funny thing about that whole thing
1:02:19.520,1:02:24.320
too was we also just saw the proposal rhino. That
was the year that the that was the year that the
1:02:24.320,1:02:29.120
proposal the movie came out and so everybody
asked is it like that? Did they I mean you know
1:02:29.120,1:02:34.400
of course people are curious because there were no
cats or dogs that were picked up by Falcon. Yeah.
1:02:34.400,1:02:40.320
So, but I mean even like the interview process we
came in with like you can bring like supporting
1:02:40.320,1:02:46.000
material and we had like you know a whole thick
thing of like supporting material like can we
1:02:46.000,1:02:50.880
have more photos and we have whatever and the lady
was just like yeah that's fine but you know you
1:02:50.880,1:02:55.600
guys are okay. Yeah. Like basically they're like
you guys have nothing to worry about. Yeah. Like
1:02:55.600,1:03:01.200
we're not we're not hiding anything. So then when
did all of that like officially get I think like
1:03:01.200,1:03:07.520
April I got my I think so. Oh my gosh. Permission
to work. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But then there was no
1:03:07.520,1:03:13.920
work. But then there was no work. This was 2010.
2010. Yeah. Okay. So, still recovering from the
1:03:13.920,1:03:20.000
recession. For sure. For sure. Absolutely. Yeah.
And now, you know, 16 years later. 16 years later.
1:03:20.000,1:03:26.320
16 years. We were just saying like we're we've
almost been together like 20 years. Yeah. So,
1:03:26.320,1:03:32.160
I have maybe like a couple more questions for you
guys. I haven't recorded very many people yet,
1:03:32.160,1:03:37.360
but you guys are the first married couple that
I have. And so I'm curious like, you know,
1:03:37.360,1:03:42.640
what is the structure of you guys' household? Like
who does what, you know, what is like a weekend,
1:03:42.640,1:03:47.920
a typical weekend look like now? You know, like
16 years later, you guys are married. You have two
1:03:47.920,1:03:55.920
kids, two very busy kids. Yes. I mean, we talked
of before we got married was finances. We talked
1:03:55.920,1:04:00.480
about that early. We did talk about that early.
We talked about kids early, like how many we want
1:04:00.480,1:04:06.880
to have. Yeah. And we talked about like chores,
even traditions like or like do you celebrate,
1:04:06.880,1:04:10.720
you know, like Christmas? How do you celebrate
Christmas? Do you want your kids to believe in
1:04:10.720,1:04:16.640
Santa and not believe in Santa? Yeah. Oh, wow. Cuz
I didn't growing up. Oh, really? Yeah. It was not
1:04:16.640,1:04:23.040
a It was not really a thing in my house, but it's
very much so for your family. Very big deal. Um,
1:04:23.040,1:04:28.000
and then Yeah, like chores. Like I told him
outright like I hate doing laundry. Oh, really? I
1:04:28.000,1:04:33.760
hate it. I will sweep. I will, you know, cook, but
I hate doing laundry. There's something about it
1:04:33.760,1:04:41.280
that I just is not fun for me. I did laundry for
the first few months of our relationship. Uh-huh.
1:04:41.280,1:04:47.360
Shrunk my favorite sweater. Yes. Right. There's
For me, it was like he dry clean. He dry clean.
1:04:47.360,1:04:52.320
And I dry clean. See, I dry clean. Yeah. Yeah. So,
just threw everything in the dryer and I was like,
1:04:52.320,1:04:57.360
"My dude, you can't do that." Yeah. So, he'll do
half of it. He would before the kids. He would do
1:04:57.360,1:05:01.920
half of it and then he'd be like, "You pick out
what goes into the dryer and what?" I feel like
1:05:01.920,1:05:06.800
a lot of people can relate to this. And so, so who
does the laundry now? We do it separately. Yeah,
1:05:06.800,1:05:10.880
we do it separately. The kids do their
own laundry. Oh, nice. So, everyone's just
1:05:10.880,1:05:14.000
responsible for their own laundry. Actually, you
know, like Yeah, we'll show it to you. We have
1:05:14.000,1:05:20.000
like We actually have a family digital calendar.
Is that what the iPad thing over there is? Yeah.
1:05:20.000,1:05:26.000
That connects to our phones and Sophia's phone now
that she's old enough to have one. So everybody
1:05:26.000,1:05:33.600
sees everybody's schedule. They have chores. They
earn points for doing those chores. Wow. Which
1:05:33.600,1:05:40.560
then adds up so that they can get rewards if they
reach a certain number of points and can go to the
1:05:40.560,1:05:44.800
booktore. We can go to the bookstore and they can
buy whatever books they want. You guys both are
1:05:44.800,1:05:52.560
all do laundry separately. Yeah. You cook ethan?
99% of the time I cook. Mhm. Um like I only have
1:05:52.560,1:05:58.480
like breakfast a few go-to dishes. Yeah. And then
dishwashing. I think now we've gotten to the point
1:05:58.480,1:06:03.120
everybody washes their own dishes or just puts it
in the dishwasher. Yeah. Well, plus the fact that,
1:06:03.120,1:06:08.400
you know, they they get rewards, too. I know.
You know, now they want to do the truth. Now
1:06:08.400,1:06:13.360
they want to do it, right? Which is actually
great. But usually and and you know this,
1:06:13.360,1:06:19.920
I try to keep everything fix. Ricky is the if
you put your used glass down, it's gone by the
1:06:19.920,1:06:24.720
time you take a second look cuz he's already put
it in the dishwasher. It's it's it's not like it's
1:06:24.720,1:06:30.640
gotten it's gotten a little looser with two kids
because I think there's only so much you can do.
1:06:30.640,1:06:35.840
Yeah. And I told him, you know, like there is
you have to pick your battles. Yeah. At some
1:06:35.840,1:06:43.600
point. Yeah. Cuz I'm I'm the type of person that
if the bed is not done and I'm about to go to bed,
1:06:43.600,1:06:49.440
I will make the bed and then I will sleep
in it. So if you look at the chore chart,
1:06:49.440,1:06:55.760
I only have one chore and it's to make the bed.
And that's the only way I get points. Yeah. So,
1:06:55.760,1:07:00.080
it's like it's important. It's really important.
That's like your non-negotiable. Bed making is
1:07:00.080,1:07:05.360
serious. That's the first task of the day that you
get to accomplish, right? That's one thing that
1:07:05.360,1:07:10.480
you can check off the list in the morning. He'll
make his side of the bed. I'll make my side of the
1:07:10.480,1:07:15.280
bed with me still in it. Yeah, she's still in it.
And I'll make my side of the bed. It makes your
1:07:15.280,1:07:22.720
job easier. I don't know. Like people always
ask like Yeah. like chore-wise or, you know,
1:07:22.720,1:07:29.200
um task-wise, like how do you guys divide things?
And I think for the most part, it's 50/50. Yeah,
1:07:29.200,1:07:36.880
it sounds like it. Um I do the finances, though.
Mhm. He's the he's the CFO. CFO of the household.
1:07:36.880,1:07:43.760
Yeah. But she's she approves. Yeah. She approves
it. So CFO can only go so far. Yeah. Yeah. No one
1:07:43.760,1:07:48.560
knows about the CFO. Everyone only knows about
the CEO. Yeah. This is actually really important,
1:07:48.560,1:07:53.840
you know, for a lot of couples. There needs to
be an understanding about finances because that
1:07:53.840,1:08:01.040
is the cause and the root of all arguments. Most
arguments most arguments, right? I think because
1:08:01.040,1:08:09.840
of me, the nature of my job that I like oversee
money as a project manager. As a project manager,
1:08:09.840,1:08:14.240
I think it was just inherently natural
for me to be able to do so. Basically,
1:08:14.240,1:08:19.280
I said, "Okay, so this is my idea. You have
your own checking account. I do have mine,
1:08:19.280,1:08:24.320
but we have a joint checking account and we
have a joint savings account, right? You know,
1:08:24.320,1:08:30.240
like so every month as we get paid, you know, you
get paid twice a month for every paycheck that you
1:08:30.240,1:08:37.200
get, we set aside money that goes directly to our
checking account and that pays for everything like
1:08:37.200,1:08:40.640
bills and stuff, everything, right? So then
your checking your personal checking account
1:08:40.640,1:08:46.000
is just your own spending, right? Yeah. Your own
spending. But anyways, you know, like just knowing
1:08:46.000,1:08:53.120
that you guys have that understanding that there
is a communal pot pot of money and then whatever
1:08:53.120,1:08:58.080
you do with your money, yes, that is totally up to
you, you know, like not to say that ours is better
1:08:58.080,1:09:02.400
than the others, but um but it works for you
guys. But it works for us, right? And you know,
1:09:02.400,1:09:10.000
as long as as long as there's a system that works
for you, right? Um and your partner. Yeah. Right.
1:09:10.000,1:09:15.840
And it seems like equitable because you know
like finances change like as your job situations
1:09:15.840,1:09:21.120
change. Yeah. And like you know one partner might
make more than the other. Right. Exactly. Again
1:09:21.120,1:09:25.920
you know like making sure that first and foremost
the responsibilities to the household is actually
1:09:25.920,1:09:30.560
met. Mhm. Before anything else. Yeah. Before
anything else. And that was was that established
1:09:30.560,1:09:34.800
early on like before kids too? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Like before we got married. Before we got married.
1:09:34.800,1:09:40.080
Oh wow. And I think it's I think it's just how
we are. Yeah. like how we are, right? I mean,
1:09:40.080,1:09:44.560
it sounds like that's how you guys kind of were
in general across like not just with finances,
1:09:44.560,1:09:50.080
but like with everything, right? Like Nano
you asking that DTR won, you know? We just
1:09:50.080,1:09:55.600
Yeah. We just like to know that we're on the same
page. Yeah. You know, and it's there's nothing to
1:09:55.600,1:10:02.240
be like, you know, to like hide or like be guilty
about like, okay, I get teased that I bring a few
1:10:02.240,1:10:07.440
too many books into the house, but sure, a lot of
people can relate to that. At the end of the day,
1:10:07.440,1:10:10.880
you know, like Rick, you will just be like,
"It's it's your money." And, you know,
1:10:10.880,1:10:15.360
there's also an element of trust that like you are
spending your money responsibly, right? You know,
1:10:15.360,1:10:21.840
you're not taking out like a $20,000 loan, like
not repaying it. For sure. For sure. Right. Like
1:10:21.840,1:10:27.680
a $20 book here and there is like, yeah, it it
doesn't being fiscally responsible for yourself
1:10:27.680,1:10:31.920
as well as for the household, right? Because
ultimately like you're married, you're in a
1:10:31.920,1:10:38.080
partnership and if anything you're liable for the
other person's right your guys' finances are like
1:10:38.080,1:10:43.760
you know yeah it's intertwined right so I think
they usually say it's like at the 10th year of
1:10:43.760,1:10:50.880
marriage and things start sort of like mellowing
out and I think that was true because you know the
1:10:50.880,1:10:59.200
first 10 years we have kids we're you know we're
adjusting and marriage is a is a long haul kind of
1:10:59.200,1:11:03.840
No, we're still working on it. And it's like it's
a choice is what I'm like learning. It's a choice
1:11:03.840,1:11:11.840
every single day to like continue to, you know,
grow and commit and Yeah. check in and Absolutely.
1:11:11.840,1:11:16.960
Absolutely. And not to say that we don't have
arguments, right? Because we do just like any
1:11:16.960,1:11:21.600
ordinary couple. Just like any couple. Yeah.
And yeah, it can be about like the like really
1:11:21.600,1:11:25.600
big things or it can be about like really stupid
things like Yeah. Like the other day I'm like,
1:11:25.600,1:11:30.240
"Hey, obviously this is an issue we need to talk
about. Mhm. The the last thing he would want is to
1:11:30.240,1:11:34.560
like completely shut down. Yeah. Because then
that doesn't really resolve anything either,
1:11:34.560,1:11:40.000
right? You know, so I think his rule is always
he doesn't like to go to sleep upset. Mhm. I
1:11:40.000,1:11:44.160
unfortunately can hold a grudge. So I can
go on being upset for as long as I want to,
1:11:44.160,1:11:49.840
right? But he doesn't let you. When it comes to
like getting mad, it's like that of a goldfish,
1:11:49.840,1:11:55.440
right? Like literally like a few minutes later,
I'm okay, right? That is so funny. This is like
1:11:55.440,1:12:00.880
a side note, but Brad was watching Ted Lasso today
and they they talked about how goldfish have like
1:12:00.880,1:12:06.240
of all animals have the shortest memory and I
didn't I didn't know that. And for you to Yeah.
1:12:06.240,1:12:11.120
make that comparison right now because I I' you
know like I'd be upset. Everybody knows I'm upset.
1:12:11.120,1:12:15.440
Yeah. Right. But then after that like I'd be like
kind of like five minutes later you're fine. Five
1:12:15.440,1:12:19.920
10 minutes I'm I'm fine. Yeah. The emotions like
you know you metabolize them really fast. Yeah.
1:12:19.920,1:12:26.800
And and you know we have like trigger words. Oh
yeah. And she knows if I use those trigger words,
1:12:26.800,1:12:30.640
she knows I'm really upset. His is the best
trigger word though. What is my trigger word?
1:12:30.640,1:12:36.640
And I get sometimes I know when I'm like pushing
things and I'm like right there at the line,
1:12:36.640,1:12:43.840
but sometimes just the way I am, I'm just like,
how far can I actually take this if I want to
1:12:43.840,1:12:50.480
win or if I want to win the argument? And Ricky
will just look at me and say, "Sweetheart." And
1:12:50.480,1:12:56.320
he never calls me sweetheart. It's always babe.
It's always, you know, hunt whatever. Sweetheart
1:12:56.320,1:13:02.560
is the word that's just like this is it. Oh, that
is interesting. Push it a little bit more. And
1:13:02.560,1:13:06.960
it's just so it's it's kind of like, you know,
like, hey, I'm really upset, but I'm still going
1:13:06.960,1:13:11.920
to call you like Yeah. Everybody's like, he calls
you sweetheart when he's really mad. I'm like,
1:13:11.920,1:13:17.840
yeah, that is like that is the blinking
red light. Like this and no further. Like,
1:13:17.840,1:13:22.880
stop what you're doing. Yeah. It's not it's
not a term of endearment. It's like a warning.
1:13:22.880,1:13:28.240
Yeah. But that's like good though. You're letting
her know before you get to that point. Mhm. Yeah.
1:13:28.240,1:13:35.440
Do you have a trigger word either? No, I don't
think you do. No. No. She just Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1:13:35.440,1:13:42.560
Yeah. I I'm the like I I shut down when I'm
upset. Mhm. Kind of person. Yeah. Like I know
1:13:42.560,1:13:48.080
because like I couldn't even give her a kiss. Like
I could be upset and I will still give you a kiss,
1:13:48.080,1:13:53.520
right? I will still give you a hug. But for her
it's like like she's like do not touch me. Please
1:13:53.520,1:13:59.920
come back later. Yeah. Yeah. Out of service right
now. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Your trigger word is
1:13:59.920,1:14:06.000
walking away. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.
So it's like that's such a common thing though. I
1:14:06.000,1:14:10.400
feel like most relationships have like the okay,
let's talk about this now. Let's be direct and
1:14:10.400,1:14:14.480
let's, you know, figure this out before we go
to sleep. Let's not go to bed angry. Yeah. And
1:14:14.480,1:14:21.360
then the other side is the which I very much
resonate with is the I can't like I can't right
1:14:21.360,1:14:26.320
now. I cannot deal with this. Maybe tomorrow,
maybe even in like an hour. Yeah. But I can't
1:14:26.320,1:14:31.120
talk. I can't talk right now. If you if I talk
right now, I'm not going to We'll both regret it,
1:14:31.120,1:14:36.400
right? Yeah. You don't want me to say something
that I don't actually mean, you know? But it's
1:14:36.400,1:14:41.600
I think it comes down to like you know how people
process their emotions because you like from what
1:14:41.600,1:14:45.760
I'm hearing you process your emotions like very
much in the moment and like you can identify it
1:14:45.760,1:14:50.000
and you can just like you're not get it out. You
Yeah. You just like let it out. It metabolizes
1:14:50.000,1:14:57.440
really quickly. But like you know some people it
takes like we feel we know we're feeling something
1:14:57.440,1:15:04.080
but can we talk about it? No. Yeah. We need to sit
on it. We need to write. Yeah. Or like sometimes
1:15:04.080,1:15:09.120
I get upset. I'm not even sure like why exactly
I'm like how can I how can I even like explain
1:15:09.120,1:15:14.160
this to somebody else but I don't even know what's
because he'll he'll be like why why is this such a
1:15:14.160,1:15:19.760
like why did this make you upset right and it's
probably not even like the surface thing like
1:15:19.760,1:15:26.800
the more I think about it it's like it's not even
that. Yeah. It's more like it was this. Yeah. And
1:15:26.800,1:15:34.880
that's hard to say in the moment. Yeah. because
emotions are activating. What I've come to learn
1:15:34.880,1:15:40.400
is that like when you get upset, it's either like
a really big thing or it's something that's been
1:15:40.400,1:15:46.320
building, you know, but it sounds like you guys
catch it before it ever gets there. And Yeah.
1:15:46.320,1:15:52.560
And even back when we were dating, it was like
that idea of a snowball effect. Yeah. Yeah. Was
1:15:52.560,1:15:58.640
something that I always very very careful. I don't
want to be in that situation. where like you're
1:15:58.640,1:16:05.120
caught by surprise that like something is really
you think everything is okay and then one day
1:16:05.120,1:16:13.520
it'll just all come to fruition and then it's too
late like the other person's just like I'm leaving
1:16:13.520,1:16:18.720
and it's like where did this come from? Exactly.
So it's like yeah for me it's like okay there's an
1:16:18.720,1:16:24.000
issue let's let's button it up let's nip it in the
bud right away. Yeah. And I think that's what like
1:16:24.000,1:16:30.800
us shut downers kind of need sometimes because
like we can get so and then we just walk Yeah. And
1:16:30.800,1:16:34.160
then we just, you know, the next day we're like,
"Oh, we don't have to talk about it. Okay." Like,
1:16:34.160,1:16:37.760
"Let's just, you know, pretend that everything's
okay. Sweep it under the rug." But it's like,
1:16:37.760,1:16:43.440
"No." Like, cuz that's how the snowball effect
starts is that like it happens again. Nothing gets
1:16:43.440,1:16:46.800
resolved and then like it just builds and builds
and builds and then all of a sudden it's just like
1:16:46.800,1:16:53.600
this huge blow up. Yeah. And you're at that point
there's nothing. There's no turning back. Yeah.
1:16:53.600,1:16:57.280
And that's just not worth it. It's not worth it
to get there. Absolutely not. No, it's absolutely
1:16:57.280,1:17:02.000
not. Oh, I appreciate that that you guys do
that. And then slowly but surely, we're seeing it
1:17:02.000,1:17:09.760
manifesting with the kids, but they see like how
they deal with Yeah. Kids are very observant. Oh,
1:17:09.760,1:17:16.560
yeah. Absolutely. And and like Melissa said, you
know, like they're their own personalities. Very
1:17:16.560,1:17:23.840
much their own personalities. Yeah. Yeah. Um,
but like you're hoping that you're showing them
1:17:23.840,1:17:29.600
the right things, right? And they're taking those
right things. Um, or I think that the thing that's
1:17:29.600,1:17:34.640
different from like our parents' generations
is like I I apol, you know, like you apologize
1:17:34.640,1:17:39.440
to your kids. It's like there are days I have
horrible days and I will, you know, unfortunately
1:17:39.440,1:17:44.800
sometimes I do take it out on the kids when I'm
really frustrated and I don't mean to. But yeah,
1:17:44.800,1:17:49.520
like letting them know like I'm sorry I'm having
a really bad day or you know like this happened at
1:17:49.520,1:17:55.040
work and I'm sorry it's not your fault, you know?
Oh, that's amazing. It's like it's hard but also
1:17:55.040,1:17:59.600
lets them know that like yeah, like your emotions
can get the best of you and as long as you're
1:17:59.600,1:18:04.880
honest about it and you talk there's nothing wrong
with owning up about it, you know? like it's it's
1:18:04.880,1:18:14.160
a natural part of being human. So I was in college
when both Noah and Caleb were born. And then I
1:18:14.160,1:18:20.160
lived in Thailand for like right you know 6 months
and then I moved to San Diego. Yeah. And so like I
1:18:20.160,1:18:25.040
mean I got to see Sophia grow up a little bit but
then um by the time I moved back here Caleb and
1:18:25.040,1:18:31.440
Noah were like five or six you know so I miss like
the baby years. It's been so fun living here now
1:18:31.440,1:18:36.160
and just like watching them grow up. Noah's like
a little man now. Like like the way that he talks
1:18:36.160,1:18:40.880
and like Caleb is like I like I always thought
that he was going to grow up shy, but he's not
1:18:40.880,1:18:46.800
shy at all. He's not. No, he's not. And he's not
shy about his feelings either. I love that he sees
1:18:46.800,1:18:52.240
it from Yeah. He sees it from me. Like it's it's
okay, you know, like it's okay for you to it's not
1:18:52.240,1:18:57.920
a sign of weakness by any means, you know? Like
it's just And it's a little different because
1:18:57.920,1:19:03.280
generationally, right? Like let's face it like the
old you know like your parents my parents for for
1:19:03.280,1:19:08.800
men to show strong emotions. It's a little it's a
little different and it's and it's just like not
1:19:08.800,1:19:13.520
so much the sign of the times but you know like
we just learn you know we just learn from or like
1:19:13.520,1:19:20.720
how we you know we talk about like how we wanted
our kids to be you know like for Sophia it's like
1:19:20.720,1:19:25.360
okay I knew like growing up you know there are
different expectations of a girl especially if
1:19:25.360,1:19:30.560
you're growing up like in the Philippines or it's
a little bit more patriarchal a little bit more um
1:19:30.560,1:19:37.200
conservative and old-fashioned and the mentality
that like you don't want to excel so much that
1:19:37.200,1:19:44.160
you might make other people look bad by comparison
or worse by comparison. But, you know, like here
1:19:44.160,1:19:50.000
it's just like if you're good at something, like
celebrate it. Like don't Yeah. Don't be ashamed of
1:19:50.000,1:19:56.720
it or don't shrink yourself down. Yeah. Which, you
know, I've always felt like I had to do growing
1:19:56.720,1:20:02.960
up, right? Well, they're they're growing into such
amazing little people. They're like, you know,
1:20:02.960,1:20:07.840
like and they're also learning from other people,
right? You like the family and everything and,
1:20:07.840,1:20:12.480
you know, kind of like picking bits and pieces
of that and kind of like rolling it into their
1:20:12.480,1:20:17.440
own little personalities, which is, you know,
which is really good. I think that's the thing
1:20:17.440,1:20:23.120
I'm grateful for, you know, like despite my
family being in Texas or in the Philippines,
1:20:23.120,1:20:29.920
you know, that like your family is here and you
are such a tight-knit family and you guys are,
1:20:29.920,1:20:35.360
you know, so supportive of each other. Like I I do
feel homesick every so often. Obviously, I always
1:20:35.360,1:20:42.080
miss my family, but then, you know, like it's less
so when like everybody is, you know, within like
1:20:42.080,1:20:47.520
we're finding any excuse to like get together
all the time. Yeah. Okay. So to wrap things up,
1:20:47.520,1:20:53.120
I want to ask a rapidfire question. Oh god. I
know that you guys talked about earlier that you
1:20:53.120,1:20:59.200
initially bonded over like ancient like Egyptian
civilizations and stuff and like museums and
1:20:59.200,1:21:03.280
aquariums and stuff like that, but like I guess
maybe now in this day and age, what is something
1:21:03.280,1:21:09.600
that you guys bond over? You know, I think we
are still very much like Monterey for instance,
1:21:09.600,1:21:14.000
the aquarium still huge for us. And you guys go to
slow all the time and we go to slow all the time.
1:21:14.000,1:21:18.880
For us, it's I think this year we've been like
four or five times, right? Yeah. And a lot of
1:21:18.880,1:21:23.520
people ask us, it's like, why do you guys go down
there all the time, you know? And for for one,
1:21:23.520,1:21:28.080
I think the most important thing is that everybody
actually enjoys the trip going down there,
1:21:28.080,1:21:33.760
right? And being down there. And Melissa said
it best. It's like it's a it, no pun intended,
1:21:33.760,1:21:39.600
but it's a slower pace. It's a slower pace.
Like we could we can drive down there, right?
1:21:39.600,1:21:44.720
We don't need to stay at the high, you know,
high-end hotels or anything like that. We could
1:21:44.720,1:21:50.560
go to the beach. Yeah. Right. And literally
kaying. Yeah. Yeah. And literally just like
1:21:50.560,1:21:57.040
let the day go by and like go back to the hotel.
There's no need to hurry up for the next thing
1:21:57.040,1:22:01.840
that we need to do and and it's like, oh, hey,
you know what? Let's try a different, you know,
1:22:01.840,1:22:06.400
restaurant. So, for us, it's like that's the other
thing that kind of like bonds us as a family,
1:22:06.400,1:22:13.680
right? you know, like the the ability to be open
to trying different new things, new things to eat,
1:22:13.680,1:22:19.680
right? Now that the kids are Oh, and they've
always had like such like open pallets. Like
1:22:19.680,1:22:27.920
Caleb, my god, was eating like oonie. Yeah.
At like And it's And it's expensive, right?
1:22:27.920,1:22:34.640
Expensive taste. He was like, it's just it's
just $14. I'm like, my dude, that's $14. Yeah.
1:22:34.640,1:22:39.680
And I think you know like you know like the whole
outdoorsy you like now that they now that they
1:22:39.680,1:22:46.480
can go on hikes. Yeah. Right. Like they love doing
that and slow. I mean it just feels like a a break
1:22:46.480,1:22:52.320
from the hustle bustle of how busy we are when
we're really like you guys are you guys are well
1:22:52.320,1:22:57.280
they're all busy. Feels like at least there's like
a different thing every single day or something.
1:22:59.040,1:23:09.120
I mean, I'm sure you guys during the week, but
those times it's like it's just there's no intera.
1:23:09.120,1:23:14.720
Wow. But yeah, we kind of find like these small
little things and try to find like things that
1:23:14.720,1:23:19.120
contribute to like a really good core memory
for them, right? I love that. And you guys
1:23:19.120,1:23:22.480
are just going to continue making more of those
memories. And there's always going to be like new
1:23:22.480,1:23:28.960
things that you know that we would try. I hate
to It's It's late. It is late. It's It's 7 Oh,
1:23:28.960,1:23:35.360
wow. Wow. It's 7:30. 7:30. Wow. Well, it was so
fun though, honestly. Thank you so much, honestly,
1:23:35.360,1:23:40.800
and taking the time to share all of this with
me. Oh, this was fun. Super fun. Yeah. But yeah,
1:23:40.800,1:23:45.760
thank you all for watching and listening. But
you can catch episodes of Ordinary Love every
1:23:45.760,1:23:53.200
other Tuesday, and you can follow us on Ordinary
Love podcast on Instagram, YouTube, and Tik Tok.
1:23:53.920,1:24:16.480
Yay. Thank you guys. Thank you.
Thank you. And that's a wrap.