Episode 9: Getting married later in life, navigating a bicoastal love, and having a love with God in the center
This week, I had the honor of getting to know Dana and Ian, who are dear family friends of mine. Their story spans decades and takes place in two countries. They are the ultimate friends to lovers, “If we aren’t married by the time we turn 40, let’s marry each other” kind of love story, and I’m so excited for y’all to hear!
Join us as we discuss:
♡ A pleasant surprise about their relationship they didn’t know until they were married
♡ Their first (and unsuccessful) attempt at dating
♡ Keeping in touch throughout their 20s and 30s as friends
♡ How they survived a bicoastal long distance relationship between California and the Philippines
♡ Getting married and starting a family in your 40s
♡ Ian’s unintentional extended trip to the US
♡ How their Christian faith and relationships with God are foundational and integral to their love
♡ How being together has helped them grow
…And more!
Scroll down for episode transcript ♡
Want to be on the podcast? Reach out today!
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Welcome back to another episode of Ordinary Love,
a podcast where I sit down with couples and talk
0:00:13.360,0:00:19.600
about their love story. My name is Karina. I
am your host. And today I am sitting with the
0:00:19.600,0:00:29.280
lovely Tita Dana and Tito Ian. Tito Ian. Tito
Ian. Um they are family friends of my parents.
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and they are so gracious to share and open up
their relationship with me today. If it's okay
0:00:35.520,0:00:39.600
just to ask, you know, if you can say a few
words to introduce yourself just to start us
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off. Yeah. So, I'm Dana. I was actually
born and raised in the Philippines. I've
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lived here in the US maybe half my life.
So, US is sort of home now, but we go home
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every year to be with family cuz most of our
family and relatives are there. Mhm. And yeah,
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I work as an engineering program manager. Oh, wow.
And I'm really good friends with your stepmom. So,
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and your dad. I love them. Yeah. I'm um Ian Ian
Cruz. Um also born and raised in the Philippines.
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Uh moved here when 2019 after we got married.
After we got married. And I was I'm here what
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6 years. Half of it was what? pandemic. So when I
moved here after a few months, pandemic happened,
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so that's it. Oh, okay. So this is going to be
part of your guys' story then, right? Yeah. Okay,
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cool. Well, thank you guys so much. I know it's
always awkward to introduce yourself. Yeah. Um,
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but I guess we kind of already started going
into it a little bit, but you know, I mean,
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this podcast is to really showcase your love story
and kind of just everything that got you to where
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you guys are today. So, I'd love to I don't
know. I don't know where you guys would like
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to start. Like from the very beginning. From
the very beginning. From the very beginning.
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Right. from where you guys met. How did you guys
meet? I can show you a photo. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh,
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he has he's ready with photo evidence. This is
spontaneous, actually. Um, if you want to find
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us. No, that might take time. But we actually
This is This is actually our kindergarten photo.
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Oh my goodness. Wait. Okay. We did not know We did
not We We didn't know that we were classmates in
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kindergarten, but our That was taken like You
have to send this to me. three years ago. So,
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which one? I'm revealing our age. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'm revealing my age. Which one is you guys? So,
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if you can see, this is that's me. We're at today.
And that's him. And this Tito Ian. Oh my god. So,
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we were five, six years old back then. And then
and then this girl, she's one of our bridesmaids
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during our wedding 2019. Funny. Yes. Oh my
goodness. What year is this? You don't have to
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say don't say the year. And if you project that,
you have to blur it out. I can edit the beep, you
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know, like Oh my gosh. And you guys were literally
standing four people away from each other,
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right? Two. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Well,
we found this out actually during our wedding
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because the we wanted some photos, old photos
of us. You didn't know until you know. So the
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but we went to the same school from kindergarten
up to high school and you didn't know until No,
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you're about to cuz the thing in with our high
school we have this um we call it highest section.
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So all we have high school oh elementary. Okay.
So all the best students are in one section and
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she was in that section. Ah, so from first grade
to sixth grade to sixth grade they all are like
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block section. Okay. So you weren't I'm not we
weren't really friends. We weren't friends but
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then when we and then they shuffled our class and
now uh first year freshman year it was all just
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mixed together and that's when we were classmates.
So that was the first time and we became friends.
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We became friends. First year high school. High
school. Okay. So you knew of each other in high
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school, but then in elementary school that photo
you didn't know that you weren't friends. Okay.
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Yeah. We didn't know it. So we we met like we
I guess officially met in in freshman year. No,
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we sort of run into each other but we don't know
each other. But you were like conscious of each
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other's like existence. No, she doesn't know me.
I know her. But she's like you're you're so smart
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and famous. So she's student council. She's a
valid Victorian in our in our batch. And I'm
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like this goofy, you know, guy. Silly guy. Silly
guy. Yeah. But we became fast friends when we met
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in first year, right? First year. Yes. Yeah. Okay.
So that was freshman year. How old were you guys?
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14. 14. Yeah. 14. But then you had 12. 13. 12.
13. Freshman in the Philippines. Like 12. Oh,
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that's true. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like 14 here.
But yeah, that's right. We were 12, right? Wow.
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We were 12. Okay. But then you had been in class
or you'd been in the same school or whatever.
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What was that? 5 years old. Yes. But it's a big
campus. Okay. That's so funny. Imagine. I I mean,
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you don't have to imagine it happened to you. But
I'm just like imagining like if I like, you know,
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since I got married last year, if we were looking
for pictures, I'm like, "Well, we were in the same
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school." That would have been so cool. Yeah. But
Okay. So, you got you became fast friends in high
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school. Mhm. Did you stay in touch throughout? We
were close until fourth year. Yeah. Until senior
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year. Cuz we were classmates. The only year we
were not classmates was third year. First, second,
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and fourth, we were in the same class. Like we
were just buddies. Like we were good friends.
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And then best we were actually best friend. Okay.
Like we were close. And then after high school
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graduation, I went to an all girls college. We
went to an all boys college. Okay. But then we
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kept in touch cuz we were friends. So we would
see each other maybe like we would have reunions,
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class reunions. So we would see each other there.
Were your colleges close by or? No. No. Okay. No,
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but it's drivable. It's in same same place in
Manila. Okay. And then I think it was in fourth
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year. Fourth year. We dated fourth year college.
College. Right before graduation. Right before
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graduation. Wait, but how so you guys had been
friends for like eight years by then, right?
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How did you Yeah. How did you go from like being
really close friends to Cuz there were three There
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was three of us. Um Okay. Another best friend. A
guy friend, my friend, and we always hang out like
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three of us. Okay. But no, but that's because you
you guys I think there was an event at my school
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and then they showed up and they were somehow we
got reconnected that way and then we just kept
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hanging out from there and then eventually he
stopped bringing our other friend. It was just
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him. But imagine there's no phones back then. Oh
yeah, I know. I was going to say I'm like how did
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you guys stay connected? Pay phone. Pay phone or
a dormatory too. Do you know what a pager is? No,
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I mean I've heard of them, but what is it? Is
it I've heard of these you will call the an
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operator. Okay. And then leave a message. Leave a
message and that operator will message her through
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a small device. Pocket bell. Okay. Message what?
Just like that. Like a sentence. Like a sentence.
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Just like how are you doing? And then you'd have
to call them and message them back. It's like
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texting but with a middleman. And like limited
amount of words. Two. two sentences. Yes. Oh
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my call. Okay. Because you hear pagers and like,
you know, but I actually But usually it'd be like,
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"How are you doing? Call me." And then I'd have to
find a pay phone or he'd have to Yeah. Okay. Okay.
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So that's dinosaur age. I know. Ancient artifact.
Yes. Now we're revealing our age. I know. You
0:08:16.080,0:08:22.320
started it with that that photo. What is a pager?
What is a pager? But okay. This was college. This
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was college where you guys were paging each other.
Yeah. And then we officially dated and then it was
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less than a year and then after that like we broke
up. I think we were both very immature. My side of
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the story back then was like I felt like I was
too emotional for him. Oh, I was sensitive. Like
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I would tell him I'm feeling this way and then I
would withdraw and then like just cry and look out
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the window and have him figure out why I'm feeling
the way I was. And then he didn't like that. And
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then I don't know I don't know what else happened
but I just remember being emotionally unstable and
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then he was also very immature. Yeah. We were 16.
Yeah. I was going to say I'm like you guys were
0:09:02.640,0:09:09.600
we graduated college. We were 18. Ah yeah. Oh
college. We we graduated college 20. Oh 20. 20.
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Yeah 20 years. Yeah that's right. We were around
20. Still young though. So we dated around 19 and
0:09:15.280,0:09:23.120
then we graduated 20. But then after graduation we
kind of broke up. Yeah. And then and then he dated
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other girls and then eventually I moved to the US.
Okay. But then even after we broke up because we
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knew we had a strong connection after the pain
had healed a while. Yeah. Like I feel like after
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the pain had healed like we we became friends
again. We became friends because every time
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uh she goes home to the Philippines I would pick
her up in the airport. Okay. Not every time,
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but yeah, most frequently towards the towards the
latter part. Okay. And then Ian's house is also
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the like the party place. The party house. Like
all our classmates would congregate there because
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of their hospitality. Like they would always host
any reunion. And anytime that I would go to the
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Philippines, the class would have a reunion.
Okay. So then we would always see each other at
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his house. And then at some point like he's like,
"Okay, well, next time you come, I'll pick you
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up." You know? Okay. So then he did that maybe
three times. And plus my my family, my parents
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loved her when we were dating. Even my grandfather
grandparents, okay, my cousins. So they were happy
0:10:31.120,0:10:38.400
when you So it was hard to introduce any girls.
Any girls, cuz my mom's like, "No, she's not as
0:10:38.400,0:10:44.400
I just like Dana. I just like Dana." And even my
grandpa. Wow. Before he passed away. You told me
0:10:44.400,0:10:51.600
this on his deathbed. Yeah. My my grandpa said,
"Go back. Call Dana. Go call Dana." Before he
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passed away. Yeah. And that must have been like 4
years after we broke up, right? Oh my. You really
0:10:57.040,0:11:03.040
left your mark, right? I was already here in this
day. She set the bar high. Yeah. Like too high. No
0:11:03.040,0:11:08.720
one else could match it. Yes. So you were going
back to the Philippines really frequently. Yeah.
0:11:08.720,0:11:16.080
Like almost at that point maybe. Well, so I moved
here 2002 2006, so four years after I had moved.
0:11:16.080,0:11:22.560
So that was six years after our breakup. Okay.
When we first saw each other again reunion. Yeah.
0:11:22.560,0:11:27.920
That's a long time actually. Yeah. That's a long
time for like especially the age that you guys
0:11:27.920,0:11:33.680
were at. It's a long time for a lot of growing to
happen, especially after you moved, you know. Yes.
0:11:33.680,0:11:38.400
And I I I mean I was dating somebody, he was
seeing somebody else. And at that time there
0:11:38.400,0:11:44.000
was really nothing like we were just I think that
time when I went home it was sort of restoring the
0:11:44.000,0:11:50.880
friendship right cuz there was a time that um she
will tell me stories of her relationships. I'll be
0:11:50.880,0:11:58.000
telling sharing some stories of mine. Oh wow. And
then we just have some dinner. Yeah. But nothing
0:11:58.000,0:12:04.800
nothing really. No for either of you. There was
no she was dating I was dating someone and we
0:12:04.800,0:12:10.400
were like okay this is a solid friendship that you
know we tried it didn't work out but that doesn't
0:12:10.400,0:12:15.680
mean we can just discard it because we had so much
history you guys were friends way longer than you
0:12:15.680,0:12:25.680
longer exactly and we dated like less than a year
so Mhm. Mhm. So this was 2006 around 2006. Yes. So
0:12:25.680,0:12:33.440
we we still kept in touch and then next thing you
know the phone was here. Oh yeah. The internet was
0:12:33.440,0:12:40.160
already there. So communications kind of So then
what would happen is maybe once or twice a year we
0:12:40.160,0:12:44.880
would sort of call each other. Hey happy birthday.
What's going on with your life? And he do the same
0:12:44.880,0:12:51.440
cuz we were just friends. We were using Skype
and Yahoo Messenger and what was the first
0:12:51.440,0:12:58.960
made a difference. I'm sure it did cuz before
prepaid phone plus social media was what was the
0:12:58.960,0:13:04.480
first one? Friendster. I don't know if you know
Friendster MySpace and you're dating yourself. I
0:13:04.480,0:13:09.680
I know friends. I didn't have one. I did have
a MySpace. Yeah. My parents didn't know that I
0:13:09.680,0:13:17.840
had a MySpace. So it was Yahoo Messenger um Skype
and then next thing you know Friendster was there.
0:13:17.840,0:13:22.720
But the thing that really I think I don't know
like we would call each other once in a while and
0:13:22.720,0:13:28.720
then we'd see each other in the Philippines when
we have reunions. But there was a time that he
0:13:28.720,0:13:34.320
visited the states for the very first time. Oh,
that was like 2015. So I think that was sort of
0:13:34.320,0:13:41.440
the the beginning of getting reconnected in a more
romantic way. Okay. Wow. So that must have been
0:13:41.440,0:13:50.240
10 years more 10 years. 2000. We broke up 20 thou
the year 2001 and then yeah we reconnected. Oh we
0:13:50.240,0:13:55.840
were always connected but you were connecting like
virtually you know as friends for 10 years before
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and every time she goes back to the Philippines
that's it. Yeah that's it. He actually would make
0:14:00.240,0:14:05.360
a joke every once in a while when he's not dating
anybody. Like if if you're this age we're going to
0:14:05.360,0:14:10.480
date each other again and I'm this age and you're
not married and I'm not married. We should just
0:14:10.480,0:14:16.400
get together. Let's just jump into it. Oh my gosh.
That was every time we see each other. She's not
0:14:16.400,0:14:22.240
married. I'm not married. I'll just tell her that
before she leaves. Okay, if you're at this be like
0:14:22.240,0:14:28.480
whatever. I never took it seriously. But that's
exactly actually the the the age that we got
0:14:28.480,0:14:35.520
engaged, funny enough. Right. But like not 2015
um I messaged her, oh me and my sister will go
0:14:35.520,0:14:40.560
on vacation in the US. Okay. But we had also just
seen each other in the Philippines. It was funny
0:14:40.560,0:14:47.520
because I actually every year we have a prayer and
fasting at the church and somehow at that point I
0:14:47.520,0:14:53.200
felt like the Lord was saying start praying for
your husband to be in LA because he's not here.
0:14:53.200,0:14:57.600
So then I started praying and I even told a few
friends. I'm like hey can you just pray with me?
0:14:57.600,0:15:03.360
Like this is part of my faith goal. I really want
to get married. And then maybe like a couple weeks
0:15:03.360,0:15:08.960
later, he messaged me and he's like, "Hey, best
friend. Like, I I don't have a visa yet, but I'm
0:15:08.960,0:15:14.160
going to be in the States. Please pray that I get
it because I already bought my ticket." I'm like,
0:15:14.160,0:15:21.920
"Who does that?" Like, that's an expensive trip.
It's like more than $1,000. Yeah. Yeah. It's a
0:15:21.920,0:15:26.320
risky game. You of course I ignored it. I was
like, "No, it can't be him." Like, no way. Like,
0:15:26.320,0:15:32.800
that never even entered my mind. And then we saw
each other. No, she was praying for me actually
0:15:32.800,0:15:37.440
without She just didn't know. Yeah, she just
didn't know it yet. My trip was May. I bought
0:15:37.440,0:15:45.440
a ticket for for May and I bought it January, but
I my interview was February. It's bold move. So,
0:15:45.440,0:15:50.800
I already have a ticket. So, I told her, "Oh,
please pray for my interview. Um, I'll be I have
0:15:50.800,0:15:57.360
a ticket for May." And then I passed. Oh, good.
Yeah. So, I was able to come. So, it was my sister
0:15:57.360,0:16:04.320
and my nephew. Nephew. we went here and then and
then at that point I was like okay I'm going to
0:16:04.320,0:16:10.480
take them out especially his sister because his
sister was also a good friend even after we broke
0:16:10.480,0:16:16.640
up. There was a one time she visited my sister in
Australia they went out and we were not together
0:16:16.640,0:16:22.320
anymore because we're friends you have your own
personal relationship. Yeah. That's how close she
0:16:22.320,0:16:29.280
is with my sister and my parents. Yeah. So then
what happened was he visited and then I was like,
0:16:29.280,0:16:32.800
"Oh, I'm going to take you out. I'm going to drive
you around. Take you around." Because every time
0:16:32.800,0:16:37.920
I go home if I need a favor, like he's the first
one I would call. I'd be like, "Hey, my luggage."
0:16:37.920,0:16:43.280
Like remember that time like my luggage did not
open. The lock is broken. Like somehow he drove
0:16:43.280,0:16:47.680
to my house and then he opened it and then I was
able to get my stuff. Like he's just like that
0:16:47.680,0:16:53.040
that friend guy that I have you can depend on.
Yes. And so when he came here I was like, "Okay,
0:16:53.040,0:16:57.360
I'll take you guys out." So, I drove them around
and then I was like, "Okay, I'll take you guys to
0:16:57.360,0:17:04.800
Big Bear." So, we spent we did an overnight there
and then we biked around like it was such a fun
0:17:04.800,0:17:10.800
time and then at the end of that trip he was cuz
he still had a 3 weeks to go, right? That was the
0:17:10.800,0:17:14.320
first week I think of his trip. Maybe two weeks.
Oh, you were here for a month. He was here. They
0:17:14.320,0:17:18.960
were there for a month just vacation. Yeah. No,
but at that it's funny because at that big bear
0:17:18.960,0:17:24.560
trip towards the end of it, we were about to
go home. I was going to drop them off. This
0:17:24.560,0:17:29.280
was our last night or Yeah, that was the night
before. It was only one night. He kept saying,
0:17:29.280,0:17:34.160
"Oh, you know, my prayer for you is that you
will get married. Like, I pray that you're going
0:17:34.160,0:17:39.360
to have a family of your own." Like, he just kept
saying that. I'm like, "What is he saying?" Like,
0:17:39.360,0:17:44.480
he really meant it. And then we went home cuz
I'm like, "Oh, there's something here." I mean,
0:17:44.480,0:17:51.920
the the only problem was I don't have this
American dream to move here. Okay. I'm like a no
0:17:51.920,0:17:58.560
Filipino. I carry my flag everywhere I go. Every
time I go stop doing that to let's say Mount Fuji,
0:17:58.560,0:18:04.080
I'll put my Philippine flag here. Proud Filipino
here. Take a photo. So that's the thing. That was
0:18:04.080,0:18:09.840
my dilemma. I don't want to move here. I I have
my life in the Philippines. In a way, it was a
0:18:09.840,0:18:14.480
good life. But that that's the only hesitation
that I that we were having to even pursue me at
0:18:14.480,0:18:25.040
that point. Before you came here, did you already
have feelings for Da Dana? No, not really. Cuz um
0:18:25.040,0:18:32.000
cuz that means if I will pursue her, of course,
she will not she's not open to going back to the
0:18:32.000,0:18:38.240
Philippines and I'm not open to going here. So,
I don't have that. It just wouldn't make like it
0:18:38.240,0:18:45.520
wasn't something that you even entertained. Yeah.
You never considered moving back? No. No, that's
0:18:45.520,0:18:53.440
a hard no. Yeah. And I think but towards the end
of that trip like he would message me and then he
0:18:53.440,0:18:59.440
was starting to like go wait a minute like this is
beyond friends now. Like he's starting to express
0:18:59.440,0:19:07.120
interest. But at that point I started considering
it because I said well I saw him in my world cuz
0:19:07.120,0:19:12.960
he's now he visited the US. That was your first
time. It was my first time and but we were texting
0:19:12.960,0:19:18.240
like I was expressing like oh I'm interested
maybe there is something here you can consider
0:19:18.240,0:19:25.920
me but the thing is we were like doing tag of war
not yet because you were still but yeah this was
0:19:25.920,0:19:31.760
during the trip she was selling us to me I was
selling us uh Philippines to her like if you go
0:19:31.760,0:19:37.200
to the Philippines you'll have a driver and he's
like I'll take care of you and you have your own
0:19:37.200,0:19:44.720
name about anything it's You know what life in the
Philippines, right? Like it's just everyone Yeah.
0:19:44.720,0:19:53.520
more comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that
was it. So but after the trip that was I think May
0:19:53.520,0:19:59.120
she went to the Philippines October of the same
year. We had a high school reunion. That was our
0:19:59.120,0:20:06.000
don't say the year but it was a milestone year for
our high school. And he was part of the organizing
0:20:06.000,0:20:11.280
committee like we were part of the organizers.
So he's like, "If there's any hope for us or any
0:20:11.280,0:20:15.600
chance for us, I would love for you to actually
attend the reunion." So he's like, "Please,
0:20:15.600,0:20:22.400
please come home." So I did. And then we sort of,
you know, hung out again. That was my that was my
0:20:22.400,0:20:30.320
like if she will go here, sign like she's also
interested, right? Cuz it's not easy like Yeah.
0:20:30.320,0:20:35.760
the money to to buy ticket, the the you need to
the effort the effort, you need to take time off,
0:20:35.760,0:20:42.480
you She went to the Philippines and from there
we we started hanging out and then I was hanging
0:20:42.480,0:20:48.480
out with with their in their house with parents
and siblings. So it started there that we're we
0:20:48.480,0:20:55.280
became like official that the end by the end of
that No, he came here for Thanksgiving. So he came
0:20:55.280,0:21:02.560
here in May for the first time. It's expensive
to date this girl cuz he had to spend like really
0:21:02.560,0:21:10.640
expensive Uber several grand each. I did like two
trips a year, right, to visit her and then she'll
0:21:10.640,0:21:15.120
visit the Philippines once a year. Wow, this
is long long distance. It was long distance.
0:21:15.120,0:21:20.160
Very long for maybe 3 years. May he visited
for the first time. October I went to attend
0:21:20.160,0:21:25.440
our reunion and then November and then November
I went back, right? Yeah, it was November he
0:21:25.440,0:21:33.920
came here for Thanksgiving. Wow. It was a 10-year
visa and then we that's when we became official.
0:21:33.920,0:21:38.800
Yeah. In November. Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds
like it was a progression of the entire year.
0:21:38.800,0:21:47.440
Yeah. Like every like how will this work? But the
fact that you were taking that action anyways to
0:21:47.440,0:21:52.640
like go back and forth even though it's hard. It's
expensive. It's time consuming. It is, you know,
0:21:52.640,0:22:00.000
it was um Yeah. So expensive. I mean, it was worth
it. It's worth that year. That whole year. Yeah.
0:22:00.000,0:22:06.160
Everything was worth it. Okay. So we dated maybe
for 2 years. So at that point in those two years
0:22:06.160,0:22:13.040
we would each take turn turns visiting each other.
How often would you For me it's twice a year.
0:22:13.040,0:22:19.040
Okay. And did you go twice here the following year
too? Yeah. Oh okay. Wow. I stayed at Erica's place
0:22:19.040,0:22:23.920
you know. Remember? That's right. And how long
would you stay when you would like two weeks? Two
0:22:23.920,0:22:30.320
weeks. There was a time like 10 days. And you
always had your nephew with you too? Yes. Oh,
0:22:30.320,0:22:38.160
okay. the nephew that went with it. Yeah. So,
yeah. And then after that proposed to her 2018
0:22:38.160,0:22:45.760
September during her birthday, I went here and
then that my oh no, my parents were there and
0:22:45.760,0:22:52.160
then all of our friends like we celebrated at a
friend's house. so kind enough to allow us to use
0:22:52.160,0:22:57.760
their backyard for my party and then next thing
you know I didn't realize like he was already
0:22:57.760,0:23:05.920
talking to my friends that were hosting now I have
the ring did you guys had you talked about getting
0:23:05.920,0:23:12.160
married already we were we were already talking
we were already talking but uh I had no idea when
0:23:12.160,0:23:16.720
what what were those conversations like though
like cuz I know that you were both there here you
0:23:16.720,0:23:22.160
know we're sure that we're getting married, but
where we will live. It's kind of blurred. We're
0:23:22.160,0:23:27.200
still Okay. You're still figuring it out. It's
just you get married. Even after getting married,
0:23:27.200,0:23:32.160
we don't know where we're going to stay. Like
Okay. Cuz for me, when we got married, I'm not yet
0:23:32.160,0:23:38.560
decided I'll be here. Yeah. But it's interesting
because his mom before before she passed away
0:23:38.560,0:23:44.320
cuz she passed away before we got married. She
would always say to him, "Just go to the States
0:23:44.320,0:23:49.280
already. Don't worry about the business here,
your life here." like you'll build a new life
0:23:49.280,0:23:54.640
there. Like she would always tell him that. But he
he was still stubborn. He's like, "Well, this is
0:23:54.640,0:24:00.000
where my life is and everything." It's hard. It's
Yeah. Because life in the Philippines is so good,
0:24:00.000,0:24:08.320
you know. Now we get the best of both worlds.
Yeah. So we got married 2019 um January here. No,
0:24:08.320,0:24:13.440
in the Philippines. Philippines. So it was really
like going back and forth. We You got proposed to
0:24:13.440,0:24:22.160
you got proposed September 2018. Yeah. and then
got married 2019 in the Philippines. Oh, fast.
0:24:22.160,0:24:28.480
It was a fast uh kind of knew at that point. Yeah.
You didn't want to have a long engagement. No. And
0:24:28.480,0:24:34.640
plus we we were already dating for 2 years after
marriage. She went back to the Philippines. So to
0:24:34.640,0:24:40.320
the States. Oh, to the States. So we got married
January four. Four. Uhhuh. And then she went back
0:24:40.320,0:24:47.840
to the States. Feb 5. Feb 5. Because the plan, his
plan, my plan was like just to go back and forth
0:24:47.840,0:24:55.360
for the first year like maybe stay here 3 months,
4 months, but God has a plan, you know. When I
0:24:55.360,0:25:04.160
went here in April, April 2019, I still have a
return ticket by June. Uh-huh. But the thing is,
0:25:04.160,0:25:11.200
two weeks later, we got pregnant. And even that
was a miracle because the doctors were telling me,
0:25:11.200,0:25:16.880
"Oh, you're already old." And you might not have
kids because of the hormonal imbalance that you
0:25:16.880,0:25:24.080
have. Oh wow. Like Yeah. There there were a
lot of physical issues. Mhm. But somehow we
0:25:24.080,0:25:32.160
cuz we were together January 4 until Feb. And we
actually waited until marriage. And we didn't get
0:25:32.160,0:25:38.720
pregnant until 2 weeks after he came here. So we
got married January. We didn't get pregnant till
0:25:38.720,0:25:43.920
April. Okay. Yeah. And then it was fast. And
that's still really fast. Yeah. It was super
0:25:43.920,0:25:48.880
fast. Like 2 weeks after just being together,
especially since you were away. Yeah. You were
0:25:48.880,0:25:55.440
apart for like Yeah. Like a third of those time.
Yeah. Yes. And then after that, it must have been
0:25:55.440,0:26:00.240
like what 8 weeks later that we found out we
were really pregnant, right? Cuz the two weeks
0:26:00.240,0:26:05.440
we didn't know. We found out on a Wednesday was
when I did the test and then Saturday I started
0:26:05.440,0:26:12.240
bleeding profusely and we thought we had lost the
baby and that was a wakeup call for him too to be
0:26:12.240,0:26:19.680
like okay maybe I'll stay here right not leave her
right away what airline was that I think Eva Air
0:26:19.680,0:26:26.000
um Taiwan's airline right the Eva air went on
strike so they so you couldn't even go back and
0:26:26.000,0:26:32.160
they refunded his ticket cancelled my return
ticket so like Oh, is this a sign for me not
0:26:32.160,0:26:38.160
to go back? So, and he was stubborn. He wanted
to still buy a return ticket. So, I was like,
0:26:38.160,0:26:44.720
I picked that return ticket go to waste. But then
it went on strike. So, they have to refund me. So,
0:26:44.720,0:26:49.920
you ended up just staying here for the rest
of 2019. He had to I had to plus co hit. Yeah,
0:26:49.920,0:26:55.600
cuz the there was a shutdown. I have a I have
a ticket 2020 to go back to the Philippines,
0:26:55.600,0:27:03.200
but all flights was cancelled. So, you came here
April 2019 with the expectation that you'd just
0:27:03.200,0:27:09.440
be here like two, three months. Two, three months.
Yes. You guys got pregnant. Mhm. Your flight got
0:27:09.440,0:27:15.040
cancelled. Yes. And so, you ended up staying for
the rest of 2019. Right. Right. And then, and then
0:27:15.040,0:27:21.360
I booked a flight for 2020. His plan was like, I
can't stay here for the long haul. But then when
0:27:21.360,0:27:26.720
he he even had this plan of like, well, you're
pregnant. Okay. So, what's going to happen here?
0:27:26.720,0:27:31.840
first trimester, I'll be here the whole time.
I'll go back to the Philippines. I'll pack up my
0:27:31.840,0:27:38.480
business and, you know, do the stuff that I need
to and then come back here when you give birth.
0:27:38.480,0:27:46.480
But then then co hit. It was really God was it he
wasn't listening, but God was like, "Nope." Yeah.
0:27:46.480,0:27:51.680
Like, "What can I do to keep you here?" Yeah. Put
the pandemic. That's why that's why we were like,
0:27:51.680,0:28:01.840
"Look what you did to the whole world." So it was
you like Jonah running away. Wait, when was um
0:28:01.840,0:28:14.240
Amaya is her name? Maria was born January 2020. Oh
gosh. So right before um we were my our ticket was
0:28:14.240,0:28:21.440
March 2020 to go back to the Philippines. But
March 15 is everything locked down. Shut down,
0:28:21.440,0:28:28.400
right? So we got stuck here. I got stuck here
and then what happen like this is more just my
0:28:28.400,0:28:32.400
own curiosity like what happens if you know
everything gets shut down you can't get go
0:28:32.400,0:28:39.520
back but then did you have like a visa that was
expiring yeah when the airline was cancelled we
0:28:39.520,0:28:48.160
we fixed our our visa already filed his yeah we're
already married uh we have all the paperworks and
0:28:48.160,0:28:55.120
then I think September of 2019 I I changed status
cuz I'm already locked Hey, stay here. Okay. So,
0:28:55.120,0:29:00.240
it was it actually didn't make that much of a
difference to your visa the pandemic. Oh, no.
0:29:00.240,0:29:05.360
No. Okay. Oh, no, that was before that was before
the pandmic. I already fixed the the visa before
0:29:05.360,0:29:09.840
before the shut down. Yeah, before the shutdown.
Just Just in time, actually. Just in time. Oh,
0:29:09.840,0:29:17.280
wow. Wow. Everything was just very timely. Like
the timing was kind of like perfect. Wow. Okay.
0:29:17.280,0:29:25.120
Spot on. Yeah. So the pandemic was couple years.
That's the thing. It was an eye openener for me
0:29:25.120,0:29:32.480
when when pandemic hit. I saw US and Philippines.
It's like oh what happened to my country? It's
0:29:32.480,0:29:41.840
like it was shut down. They don't have vaccines.
They um the government was so hard. Yeah. And
0:29:41.840,0:29:49.680
here we were just walking on the beach going to
parks and it was Yeah. Even if it was shut down,
0:29:49.680,0:29:55.280
you still had access to being like you go outside.
Was it not like that in the Philippines? No. You
0:29:55.280,0:30:00.160
had to have permits to move about. Really? Right.
You can't go out of your house. You need to have
0:30:00.160,0:30:06.160
like a permit. It was like Oh my gosh. It's like
martial law. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I did not know this.
0:30:06.160,0:30:11.200
Plus, it was hard cuz all businesses shut down.
Yeah. His business shut down. My business shut
0:30:11.200,0:30:17.360
down. So, you can see every every time you see you
you watch the news, it's like, "What happened to
0:30:17.360,0:30:24.240
my country?" It's like here it life still goes
on freedom but there so it was kind of like an
0:30:24.240,0:30:31.360
eye opener for me like okay maybe it's it's really
here. Mhm. There you go. Mhm. But I appreciate my
0:30:31.360,0:30:38.000
wife cuz uh we always go back to the Philippines
once a year right? Yeah. And our families both our
0:30:38.000,0:30:44.560
families are there. Yes. Right. Mhm. Yeah. It must
been hard but then it's always there you know.
0:30:44.560,0:30:50.080
It's still hard to travel there. Mhm. But you
always have the option to go back. I still
0:30:50.080,0:30:57.040
have this um dream that I'll be retiring in the
Philippines. Mhm. I'm still convincing her. No,
0:30:57.040,0:31:02.400
I mean I'm okay with it cuz we even had this
agreement of like, okay, well maybe we'll just
0:31:02.400,0:31:07.680
live in the States for 10 years and then we'll
figure out from there. It's been seven. It'll be
0:31:07.680,0:31:15.360
seven. So, but that sounds I don't know like from
the beginning it was like we'll just take it day
0:31:15.360,0:31:20.160
by day. Yeah. Take it day by day. Like especially
I don't know if the pandemic taught me anything
0:31:20.160,0:31:25.280
other than like you just Yeah. Like life is going
to happen. There's only so much that you can
0:31:25.280,0:31:31.040
control and and plan for. And plan for Exactly.
For now at least, it sounds like the plan is
0:31:31.040,0:31:38.560
to be here. Yes. Yeah. And then and plus I don't
think I can like move without my like that was the
0:31:38.560,0:31:44.480
original plan, right? Like I'll stay here 3 months
and then go back there 3 months and then 3 months.
0:31:44.480,0:31:52.000
But now I don't think I can do that. Like Yeah. Go
home by myself for maybe without us, without them,
0:31:52.000,0:31:58.320
right? Like you guys have established yourselves
as a unit now, you know? Yes. Yeah. Cuz I tried it
0:31:58.320,0:32:03.360
um two months ago. Oh, I went to the Philippines
like for a week just for business. Just for by
0:32:03.360,0:32:09.600
myself for business. Just one week, 7 days, just
like 5 days in the Philippines. One day traveling,
0:32:09.600,0:32:16.160
one day going back. And I I told her like I will
not do that anymore cuz it's it was hard. Like
0:32:16.160,0:32:26.560
she she do she does all the the itinerary like I
was like I don't know how to travel alone. Oh my
0:32:26.560,0:32:32.880
gosh. And he's like I can't sleep. But he got so
comfortable. You guys are not with with me. Yeah,
0:32:32.880,0:32:39.360
it's hard. I mean, I don't have any kids yet, but
I used to love traveling by myself. Like, that was
0:32:39.360,0:32:44.720
just me, too, you know? We both We both love to
travel by ourselves. And then got married and it's
0:32:44.720,0:32:51.040
like now I'm here by myself and I'm like, Yeah.
Yeah. It's so weird that it changes so quickly.
0:32:51.040,0:32:56.720
Yes. But you guys have really settled down here.
It seems like, right? Have you always lived here
0:32:56.720,0:33:03.200
in um where is this? North Hills. North Hills? No,
we used to live in Culver City and then we bought
0:33:03.200,0:33:13.040
this house almost Oh, it's 4 years. Four years.
Yeah, four years. Cuz now she can work remotely.
0:33:13.040,0:33:20.960
So before her office was near and we were in West
LA. West LA. Okay. But since the after pandemic,
0:33:20.960,0:33:26.400
we and we were already priced out over there cuz
everything's million dollar fixer uppers. Yeah.
0:33:26.400,0:33:31.280
Oh my gosh. And plus our church is here. Yeah.
Our community. Our community. So we have a lot
0:33:31.280,0:33:37.920
of friends like 5 10 minutes away from here. Nice.
Nice. Okay. So this is this is where it is for you
0:33:37.920,0:33:43.840
guys. Yes. For the long Are you Are you still
doing business in the Philippines? I I do. Um
0:33:43.840,0:33:53.040
I have this small uh construction company. M with
my uncle residential. So we we usually buy a land
0:33:53.040,0:34:01.840
an empty lot and then build a house and then sell
it. M Yeah. Wow. Yes. That's really cool. Like
0:34:01.840,0:34:08.640
making something really amazing out of nothing.
Yeah. Yeah. But my my previous business before
0:34:08.640,0:34:16.320
going here was we were into the food industry. I
have like a cafe a cafe inside one of the biggest
0:34:16.320,0:34:22.160
university in the Philippines. Oh wow. The main
cafeteria and catering. Yeah. Oh, is that the
0:34:22.160,0:34:27.920
business that shut down? That shut down cuz in
the Philippines schools was shut down like face
0:34:27.920,0:34:34.160
to face for 3 years. Just imagine that they were
doing online. They were doing online. I can't I
0:34:34.160,0:34:40.880
don't know how that I think the kids there was
impacted with emotionally like just imagine you
0:34:40.880,0:34:47.360
can't go out for 3 years. Mhm. A big change. But I
think I mean that sounds like biggest main points
0:34:47.360,0:34:52.560
of your guys' story, right? Up until now. Yes.
Right. And then you know you guys are planning for
0:34:52.560,0:34:59.760
the foreseeable future to you know stay here. Yes.
In the future later on. Yeah. You'll decide later
0:34:59.760,0:35:04.560
on. I just told him I I will live with you in the
Philippines. Of course I won't leave you. Like
0:35:04.560,0:35:11.200
I'll go where he goes. But just let's buy a farm.
But we're we're we're kind of our business in the
0:35:11.200,0:35:18.880
Philippines in a way it's not really booming but
it's it's getting bigger and so we have like a
0:35:18.880,0:35:24.320
how do you say it financial footprint already
in the Philippines and we're doors are still
0:35:24.320,0:35:33.840
opening so we we we don't know it's just going to
go it's just going to yes go on a prayer hopefully
0:35:33.840,0:35:41.200
that cuz before we got married there was this Um,
Barbara, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can you tell that
0:35:41.200,0:35:46.960
story? Like, oh, no. She was just praying for us
and she's like, I just feel like God is saying you
0:35:46.960,0:35:53.360
guys are going to be by coastal. M. And we were
like, what does that mean? Now we realize, oh,
0:35:53.360,0:35:58.320
it's because we're keep going back and forth, back
and forth. And she's like, you guys are going to
0:35:58.320,0:36:04.480
build here and you're going to build there, both
at the same time. And now we're seeing it coming
0:36:04.480,0:36:10.240
to pass. And I'm like, oh, she was right. Mhm.
Yeah. I mean, how do you guys feel about being by
0:36:10.240,0:36:19.040
coastal? We would love that cuz one thing for us
both, we we love to travel. Mhm. I think one one
0:36:19.040,0:36:26.960
of our love languages is it's really to travel.
Like we have to set like two international travel,
0:36:26.960,0:36:33.440
one domestic a year. That's a good Yeah, that's a
good goal. What was this year? This year we went
0:36:33.440,0:36:39.040
to Europe on her birthday. Oh, yeah. That's right.
And then we came from the Philippines, too. Uh,
0:36:39.040,0:36:46.480
we went to Belgium and Paris. Wow. And it's his
first time in Europe. So, cuz I'm not into Europe,
0:36:46.480,0:36:50.720
you know? Yeah. Every time I would bring it up,
I'm like, I'd love to go back cuz I I would go
0:36:50.720,0:36:56.800
back a lot. I'm I'm more of like the outdoor like
I want to go to Iceland. I want to go to South
0:36:56.800,0:37:02.880
Africa. South Africa or Antarctica. Antarctica.
He wants the exotic, what do you call that?
0:37:02.880,0:37:08.480
Adventurous places. And she's like, "Let's go
to Europe." It's like, "What?" Europe, like, you
0:37:08.480,0:37:16.240
know, like historical like Yeah. And now I turned
him into a You converted him. Yeah. He's seen it.
0:37:16.240,0:37:26.400
Seeing buildings like 1200s like Wow. America's
kind of young kind of trashy when it comes to
0:37:26.400,0:37:36.880
Don't say trashy to to architecture. Yes. Every
time I leave the US, I'm amazed at just how much
0:37:36.880,0:37:41.920
history is like, you know, within the buildings
and, you know, the streets. The way they dress,
0:37:41.920,0:37:47.520
the beauty. Yeah. The beauty. It's like the old
world. Before we leave, like, don't bring your
0:37:47.520,0:37:53.360
hoodie. Don't bring your sports cap. Like, you
have to dress the part. Yeah. You have to dress
0:37:53.360,0:37:58.800
the part. Cuz I'm like, I'm like, don't you dare
bring your hoodies that you wear all the time.
0:37:59.600,0:38:06.400
Please dress a little nicer. Or you could just buy
clothes there. Yeah. Yeah. But Paris and Belgium.
0:38:06.400,0:38:12.880
And then you went to the Philippines this year.
We went um May last Oh, this year. May this year
0:38:12.880,0:38:18.880
we went to Philippines and then traveled some
domest Barakai, you know. Have you been to the
0:38:18.880,0:38:23.840
Philippines, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, we went
to Barakai with friends. We went to Bhole. Oh,
0:38:23.840,0:38:32.560
so it was like a fun like island trip. Five week
vacation. Wow. Yes. Wow. So, we were able to spend
0:38:32.560,0:38:39.280
time with cuz Amari has cousins around the same
age. Oh, nice. She's five, the other one's six,
0:38:39.280,0:38:45.600
the other one's seven. And that's from each side.
So then the three of us, three families traveled
0:38:45.600,0:38:52.160
together. So that was so fun. And the kids playing
together. Yeah. So we enjoyed Philippines. We
0:38:52.160,0:38:59.520
joined the the beaches there. Mhm. And Yeah.
and enjoyed family. That's that's what sounds
0:38:59.520,0:39:05.040
really great is that it's not just traveling you
three. It's like you guys are traveling and also
0:39:05.040,0:39:10.880
spending time with family which is very important
to you too. Most of Well, actually all Oh, most of
0:39:10.880,0:39:18.960
our family all my family's in the Philippines. Her
her mom and dad and my other sisters there. So Oh,
0:39:18.960,0:39:22.960
your parents are in the Philippines. Yeah, they
retired there. They retired. Oh, okay. So, is it
0:39:22.960,0:39:28.400
just you? Is it just you here too with in your
family? And then my sister, my other sister. Oh,
0:39:28.400,0:39:35.280
okay. But she's in the Bay Area. Oh, yeah.
It's not a bad place. I know. It's expensive,
0:39:35.280,0:39:41.920
though. I am like waiting to get out of there. Get
out of there. I love it, but it's I'm like getting
0:39:41.920,0:39:48.320
priced out of there. Yes. Um but now we're mostly
surrounded by church friends. Yeah. But just like
0:39:48.320,0:39:54.800
family what I'm learning just you know being here
with my parents and meeting a lot of people. I
0:39:54.800,0:40:00.800
mean definitely your parents are like family to
us. So yeah. Yeah. Well you've known how long have
0:40:00.800,0:40:07.600
I known? Six years. Yeah. Six seven years almost.
As long we met around I don't know maybe like a
0:40:07.600,0:40:15.200
year before we got married. I think your mom had
had a big part. Yeah. Before our wedding. Really?
0:40:15.200,0:40:23.520
Yes. cuz she was kind of like changing her mind.
I She was calming down my nerves. Oh, like you
0:40:23.520,0:40:29.200
were getting you were getting the like pre-wedding
like jitters, right? Like can I really commit? Is
0:40:29.200,0:40:34.800
this forever? Like is it how do I know I'm making
the right choice? Like all of that came crashing
0:40:34.800,0:40:40.080
in and your mom was the one talking to me at that
time. You're okay. You're okay. You're making the
0:40:40.080,0:40:47.280
right decision. Yes. I mean, I imagine though that
it must have been hard getting married with all
0:40:47.280,0:40:53.840
of this uncertainty and we were already older,
pretty established in each of our own lives. We
0:40:53.840,0:41:01.920
were kind of made like she's already made. I have
my own thing. And it's hard to give up control,
0:41:01.920,0:41:06.320
right? Right. And even now, that's something
we're learning, right? because we married a
0:41:06.320,0:41:16.640
little older. Mhm. And we're set in our ways like
we we've in in some ways we've had success doing
0:41:16.640,0:41:23.760
our own thing and now we're coming together what
we're learning. Yes. Like what what it means to
0:41:23.760,0:41:30.160
work together towards something, right? So, how
is that? I mean, that's something I'm sure is
0:41:30.160,0:41:36.480
like a kind of like a liflong journey that you're
going together, but I'm curious if you're able to
0:41:36.480,0:41:41.760
describe at least like what has it been like for
you to, you know, I don't know, come together and
0:41:41.760,0:41:49.280
like decide and learn and cultivate what success
means for you guys as a pair. When we got married,
0:41:49.280,0:41:54.800
Dana is a Filipina, right? But she lived
like half of her life here. So, in a way,
0:41:54.800,0:42:03.040
she's kind of American Americanized or something.
And but um good thing she she's still fluent in in
0:42:03.040,0:42:10.720
in our native language and it it's also easier
for us to communicate with with the gall. So,
0:42:10.720,0:42:16.400
it was easier. But yeah, since we married late in
life, we would butt heads a lot, especially in the
0:42:16.400,0:42:24.240
beginning. She had her own way of doing things. I
had my own cuz if you married like 21 22 you both
0:42:24.240,0:42:30.080
are learning you like grow together right but
us it's kind of like oh I know how to do things
0:42:30.080,0:42:35.440
right and this is right and she's successful
she got married at 40 so that's so I'm like oh
0:42:35.440,0:42:42.560
I made I made it to 40 and I'm feeling like I'm
successful so I kind of think that I know how to
0:42:42.560,0:42:48.400
do things your way yeah you're setting your way
it's already been working why would you change it
0:42:48.400,0:42:54.000
Yeah. Yes. I think the Bible says that marriage
is about dying to self, right? Because it's the
0:42:54.000,0:43:01.600
best example that Jesus has of how he loves his
church. And so us learning to sacrifice for one
0:43:01.600,0:43:09.040
another even in the little things of like for
him in the beginning he would we would always eat
0:43:09.040,0:43:14.480
at a restaurant and somehow I would not like my
food and I would end up liking his and he's like
0:43:14.480,0:43:21.040
okay you can have it. like even just that like
those the simple sacrifices to the bigger ones,
0:43:21.040,0:43:27.120
right? And then just continuing to learn like
okay, how can I how can we outserve each other?
0:43:27.120,0:43:32.560
We're granted we're still learning that, right?
But it's also like I have an opinion, you have
0:43:32.560,0:43:39.120
an opinion. Sometimes we just have to agree to
disagree. But yeah, believe me when you I mean
0:43:39.120,0:43:46.880
in the beginning we were about that. Especially
him. One good thing is we have a lot of married
0:43:46.880,0:43:54.960
friends, couples surround us that surround us kind
of they get they give like testimonies of their
0:43:54.960,0:44:03.120
marriage best practices wisdom. Yeah. And we we
we lead this we call it a life group like from our
0:44:03.120,0:44:11.600
church. We usually have this seven couples and and
then we usually discuss this video um of marriage
0:44:11.600,0:44:18.560
of marriage what God's vision of marriage is. So
from there you will you will really learn like oh
0:44:18.560,0:44:26.880
my way is kind of not the right way. So you have
to reorient like how it's supposed to be. I think
0:44:26.880,0:44:34.640
for us being Christians, it's about it's not his
way or my way that we have a common denominator
0:44:34.640,0:44:40.880
of like, okay, this is what God says is the right
way. This is what the Bible says. So then we would
0:44:40.880,0:44:47.360
both have to align even if it's hard, but we have
a common vision for what marriage should look like
0:44:47.360,0:44:52.560
based on what the Bible says. So that sounds
really grounding. like you can be, you know,
0:44:52.560,0:44:56.320
you can have your own life, you can have your
own identity, but then like to be able to come
0:44:56.320,0:45:03.520
together in like a fundamental way. It feels like
to have the same and even have a a mission for
0:45:03.520,0:45:09.200
our family, right? Like a vision of where we're
headed and like what we want our family to look
0:45:09.200,0:45:16.080
like. Mhm. Like we we want to be able to serve
God, to glorify God together. And we have this
0:45:16.080,0:45:26.320
saying that we fight fair and end with prayer. M.
So even how how bad we're both I think we're both
0:45:26.320,0:45:32.800
strong willed in a way. Sometimes we start arguing
10:00 p.m. We end up until 1:00 a.m. but then we
0:45:32.800,0:45:38.880
will have to pray and then we go to sleep. Yeah.
And then we're at peace. Like but we don't pray
0:45:38.880,0:45:43.920
like in a passive aggressive way because we know
some friends that they tell us they do that. Lord,
0:45:43.920,0:45:49.280
I pray that you change him because he's like this.
No, but we're like okay God. Sometimes we don't
0:45:49.280,0:45:53.680
even pray about the issue that we were discussing,
but we're just like, "Lord, we thank you for your
0:45:53.680,0:46:03.920
love. We, you know, help us." Yeah. But it sounds
like faith, God, it's been pretty like central and
0:46:03.920,0:46:08.720
fundamental to your guys' relationship. Yeah. Like
every part of our lives. Yeah. Cuz I think there's
0:46:08.720,0:46:15.280
no right formula to handle conflict, right? Yeah.
If there's like a blueprint or something Yeah. I
0:46:15.280,0:46:21.440
would be out of a job. Exactly. There are some
best practices, but in the heat of the moment,
0:46:21.440,0:46:27.280
that all goes out the window unless you really
have worked hard on healing yourself. But even
0:46:27.280,0:46:35.200
then, get triggered. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I think
that's where we're we're improving. Notable
0:46:35.200,0:46:42.800
improvement in in the last almost seven years.
Yes. Seven years. Yeah. I know. I love I just
0:46:42.800,0:46:49.440
love hearing about faith and how like faith can
be such a like a powerful source of strength,
0:46:49.440,0:46:56.160
you know, strength and clarity and guidance. Yes.
And I always tell her like even if I'm like mad
0:46:56.160,0:47:03.840
like upset upset the night before, I always tell
her every time I wake I wake up, it's like it's
0:47:03.840,0:47:10.560
clean. It's clean slate. Like it's nothing. Yeah.
And it's really from going vertically like like
0:47:10.560,0:47:17.360
our marriage before I go to her like I go to God
first and then I get peace and then once I I talk
0:47:17.360,0:47:24.160
to her like I'm already calm and peaceful.
Yeah. And I think the biggest thing too is
0:47:24.160,0:47:33.200
repentance and forgiveness. That's central to to
Christianity, right? like if I did something and
0:47:33.200,0:47:38.560
I recognize it because I I think that that's what
he was saying too like the vertical thing where I
0:47:38.560,0:47:45.120
don't just have a relationship with him. I have a
relationship with the living God and so does he.
0:47:45.120,0:47:51.120
So then there's always this mediator in between
us and sometimes it doesn't work exactly the way
0:47:51.120,0:47:58.640
it should because we we're still stubborn and
we have our own our pride in the way. But once
0:47:58.640,0:48:05.280
we're able to if you like spend time in God's
presence in the word in the Bible like he speaks
0:48:05.280,0:48:09.920
to us individually and then we hear like okay
I need to repent to him and I need to say hey
0:48:09.920,0:48:17.520
I'm sorry I said this like not always perfectly
right but there's that guidance right that only
0:48:17.520,0:48:24.560
comes from him and then similarly we're quick to
forgive we don't hold grudges against each other
0:48:24.560,0:48:31.920
because I know like at least not not having gone
through therapy Exactly. But like studying it like
0:48:31.920,0:48:37.520
just for my personal interest, I'm like, "Oh,
actually um contempt is the biggest thing that
0:48:37.520,0:48:45.200
hinders a marriage, right?" And so us maintaining
a clean slate, right? Like sometimes but but that
0:48:45.200,0:48:50.880
ne I think that was like when we were first
dating when we were around 19 20 I used to do
0:48:50.880,0:48:56.400
that a lot like I would just give him the silent
treatment and then now I'm like well that doesn't
0:48:56.400,0:49:03.520
that doesn't make anybody win now. Our victory
is the team effort. It's not about if he wins the
0:49:03.520,0:49:08.800
argument or I win the argument, but what's best
for our family, what's best for our marriage. So,
0:49:08.800,0:49:14.960
it's it's having that and and God at the center,
I think, is really what helps us to do that. Helps
0:49:14.960,0:49:22.480
when in the morning when Amari jumps into our
beds like, "Okay, we're good. We're okay." Right.
0:49:22.480,0:49:28.640
Right. It's so true though. You wake up and it's
like you're refreshed. You're fresh. your brain
0:49:28.640,0:49:34.000
has had a chance to calm down and like process
everything that was whatever you know distressing
0:49:34.000,0:49:40.400
or stressful for you the night before. And I
think another aspect of who God is in terms of
0:49:40.400,0:49:46.720
marriage and relationship is that he doesn't
complete me. He's not the full source of my
0:49:46.720,0:49:54.400
satisfaction because if he were, we're all flawed.
He's going to disappoint me. I'm dis I will always
0:49:54.400,0:50:01.040
disappoint him. So he if he only got his purpose
and his value from me directly, we're just going
0:50:01.040,0:50:06.560
to fail each other constantly. But having God in
the center and being like, "Jesus, you're the one
0:50:06.560,0:50:12.640
that fulfills me. You're the one that satisfies
every longing of my heart." And even when I feel
0:50:12.640,0:50:19.600
like there's unmet needs with him, like I can
take that to God and God meets it. And that's
0:50:19.600,0:50:26.080
the amazing part. Like if I if I'm feeling lonely
because I feel like he's distant, I can actually
0:50:26.080,0:50:31.840
go to God and Jesus just fills me with his
love and it overtakes me and I'm like, "Okay,
0:50:31.840,0:50:38.080
I'm full and I'm not demanding that from him and
then instead I'm actually able to pour out from
0:50:38.080,0:50:44.800
the one the the love I've received." There's this
verse in the in the Bible, we love cuz he first
0:50:44.800,0:50:54.160
loved us. Yeah. So individually I feel that love
is God is showing me this love and once I receive
0:50:54.160,0:51:01.520
receive and see that love I can mirror that
love to her without her showing me that love she
0:51:01.520,0:51:10.560
doesn't have to do it that love but I I already
saw it from God like God this is unconditional so
0:51:10.560,0:51:18.640
now I can just mirror that and then I can show it
to my wife. Right. I love that. It feels very cuz
0:51:18.640,0:51:23.520
love is it's so easy for love to be almost like
transactional, right? It's like I mean gosh I see
0:51:23.520,0:51:29.680
this all the time like scorekeeping, you know,
like oh like I did this so you have to do this
0:51:29.680,0:51:35.840
in return, you know? Or sometimes you have to do
like oh I did my 50%. Now give me your other 50%.
0:51:35.840,0:51:43.760
But in marriage, we both think that if I'm
at 100%. And you're have nothing. I'll give
0:51:43.760,0:51:50.720
I'll give that 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I only have 40. Some weeks you only have 60,
0:51:50.720,0:51:56.480
but you'll give your 60 and I'll give my 40. And
then that's So it's it's not 50/50 like It rarely
0:51:56.480,0:52:02.080
is all the time. Thank you for sharing. I didn't
even have to ask you guys how you navigate. That's
0:52:02.080,0:52:08.000
that's the challenging question I think for people
to answer sometimes. Um, but okay. So, maybe more
0:52:08.000,0:52:13.440
on a light-hearted note. I like asking just like,
you know, kind of I call it rapid fire questions,
0:52:13.440,0:52:18.320
but they're not actually rapid fire because people
take their time, which is fine. But I'll just give
0:52:18.320,0:52:22.320
you maybe a couple and you can decide which ones
you want to answer. So, one I really like to ask
0:52:22.320,0:52:27.520
is like what is a favorite memory or like a fond
memory? It doesn't have to be favorite, but like
0:52:27.520,0:52:34.080
a memory. Yeah. A memory that you like treasure.
Also like what does a like a typical weekend look
0:52:34.080,0:52:39.840
like? And then from this relationship, what has
helped you grow? Like how have you been able to
0:52:39.840,0:52:49.120
grow or heal from this relationship on this uh
typical weekend? Um since we have a lot of friends
0:52:49.120,0:52:58.320
in the area. Mhm. So we are consumed by meetups.
Mhm. But definitely Sunday is uh it's a church
0:52:58.320,0:53:06.240
day for us. So Amari goes to kids church. We we
go to the regular church and then we have lunch.
0:53:06.240,0:53:12.400
And then we have lunch. Either just us or with
other But usually it's we're packed with meetups
0:53:12.400,0:53:20.320
like friends, meeting up friends Saturday night
or hosting people with doing game nights. Yeah.
0:53:20.320,0:53:27.920
Going to the mall and going out. And there she is.
Hello. There's the little butterfly. So that's our
0:53:27.920,0:53:37.600
typical weekend and memory. Um fond memories. Fun
memory. It's always every time we travel. So build
0:53:37.600,0:53:42.960
a lot of great memories. Uh yeah, we have a lot
of photos. We had a lot of videos. But is there
0:53:42.960,0:53:50.640
one specific one that just the two of us? Oh, we
we spent this um was it our Yeah. Our anniversary,
0:53:50.640,0:53:57.520
first anniversary, we went to this place in the
Philippines. It's called Lascas. It's like Spanish
0:53:57.520,0:54:04.000
era. Like they Oh, okay. They preserved it. They
preserved it. Wow. Like a UNESCO heritage site.
0:54:04.000,0:54:13.360
Oh my gosh. So it smells like 1900s. Everything's
made of wood and it's by the beach. So Wow. That
0:54:13.360,0:54:20.960
was our first year anniversary. When was that?
That was not co, right? That was actually co 20
0:54:20.960,0:54:27.840
2021. Yeah. 2021. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. Was
that Mari there? Yeah, she was. Of course,
0:54:27.840,0:54:33.760
because most of our married life, she's already
there. Yeah. Yeah. Is that right? That's sweet,
0:54:33.760,0:54:40.480
though. Oh, no. That was a second anniversary.
Yeah, cuz you guys got married first annivers. Oh,
0:54:40.480,0:54:43.760
that's right. Yeah, that was our second
anniversary. Second anniversary. But it was
0:54:43.760,0:54:51.600
like your first time able to Right. Yeah. We left
the We left our baby Omari with my mom and dad.
0:54:51.600,0:54:58.320
Oh. Was that the first time that you had been away
from her? Yeah. Wow. Yes. And then for me, I think
0:54:58.320,0:55:04.640
a fonder memory that anytime we get away together,
which is very rare that just the two of us, might
0:55:04.640,0:55:11.360
have been our fourth anniversary. That was simple.
Like we actually went to LMU. Like we just walked
0:55:11.360,0:55:17.840
around cuz Amar, we dropped off Amari at school
and then we had to pick her up at 3:30. So we
0:55:17.840,0:55:23.920
just spent the day and I just felt like it was so
simple, but it was so memorable to me. It was so
0:55:23.920,0:55:29.280
precious cuz we were just sharing from our hearts
like and just looking back of like look this is
0:55:29.280,0:55:34.880
how our marriage has grown like this these are
the joys that we've shared like just having that
0:55:34.880,0:55:41.120
conversation was very special to me it was like a
time of reflection a time of reflection yes yeah
0:55:41.120,0:55:49.280
that was recently then right yeah 3 years ago area
of growth um or like how has this relationship
0:55:49.280,0:55:56.880
helped you grow I know how to cook now this in the
Philippines. And he cooks really well, too. Cuz
0:55:56.880,0:56:03.280
we're I'm in the food industry, right? So, right.
Since he knows the flavors, service is so cheap in
0:56:03.280,0:56:08.320
the Philippines. So, I have a cook, I have a chef,
I have a Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I have a driver, I
0:56:08.320,0:56:15.280
have everything. But now here, you get to wash the
dishes and do everything. That's actually a first,
0:56:15.280,0:56:22.320
you know, right? Never wash. Plus, my my wife
works in a company that serves breakfast, lunch,
0:56:22.320,0:56:29.600
and dinner all her life. That was good, right? But
not for me, cuz what happened? She didn't learn
0:56:29.600,0:56:36.560
how to cook. But that's okay. No, but he cooks
really well. That's the thing. Like all the moms
0:56:36.560,0:56:43.200
in our friend groups always ask him for recipes.
Oh, wow. You ask your mom for some reason. I
0:56:43.200,0:56:48.960
She She cooks really well, too. Yes. But she's
impressed really his cooking. She's very She's not
0:56:48.960,0:56:54.240
impressed very easily. I didn't know I have that
talent. It's actually a gift cuz people love his
0:56:54.240,0:57:00.080
food. The only first time the first time I cooked
was when I was here. Really? Yeah. And I was like
0:57:00.080,0:57:07.360
what 39 years old. Maybe you just have like you
just have a sophisticated palette. He does a way
0:57:07.360,0:57:13.520
you know what tastes good. Cuz I always tell
I tell my staff like still missing the missing
0:57:13.520,0:57:19.440
something. you need to readjust or something but
I don't know what it is but now you know but now
0:57:19.440,0:57:26.720
kind of know and then he's the type of he will
really spend hours in the kitchen and somehow his
0:57:26.720,0:57:32.640
love and his joy just pours through the food that
he makes because it's so good like he doesn't for
0:57:32.640,0:57:38.960
me if I have to cook I'm like oh my gosh this
needs to be done in 15 minutes yeah one pan I
0:57:38.960,0:57:44.560
don't do four kids with Yeah he doesn't that's why
it's so good like he makes his own broth broth. He
0:57:44.560,0:57:50.240
makes his own broth from his own. Yeah. Like he
does that. And then the way he presents the food,
0:57:50.240,0:57:55.920
it's like it's always catered. So, we're very
blessed. Found out here. Yeah. That I have that,
0:57:55.920,0:58:03.200
you know. Yeah. And at Amari's fth birthday party,
we had maybe 70 guests and he cooked all the food
0:58:03.200,0:58:09.120
and everybody thought it was catered cuz it
was so good. By yourself? By myself? Yeah. Oh
0:58:09.120,0:58:14.800
my goodness. I'm like, let's just order. That was
like the next level. Let me just try it if I can
0:58:14.800,0:58:21.120
do it. I just want to test his capacity to go for
a lot. But I will not do it again. You wouldn't
0:58:21.120,0:58:24.640
do it again. I was going to say I'm like, are you
just going to continue like pushing yourself to
0:58:24.640,0:58:31.120
work? It was a lot of work. It was a lot of prep
and bed. 70 people was a lot. Yes. And especially
0:58:31.120,0:58:35.840
he's never done that. Never done that. Before
then, what was that? He would make two dishes,
0:58:35.840,0:58:42.400
right, like for dinner or you know, we'd had
guests over. But that was like seven. Yeah. Seven
0:58:42.400,0:58:48.080
dishes. Oh my god. Like all in one day. Like he
cooked it like he was prepping the day before and
0:58:48.080,0:58:54.160
then the morning of like So you started cooking
because you had to. I had to. There was no other
0:58:54.160,0:59:01.040
option. But the first the first since our our
place was near uh her office office. I bring him
0:59:01.040,0:59:07.120
for lunch almost every day. I always go to their
place breakfast and dinner. It was good. But I
0:59:07.120,0:59:14.400
still miss those Filipino Ino and I wasn't really
into Filipino food anymore, right? But then he
0:59:14.400,0:59:20.560
kept making it and he's like, "Wow, this is good."
Oh my gosh. Yeah. I love Annayia's cooking. She
0:59:20.560,0:59:27.840
like cuz I'm vegetarian. I don't eat meat. And you
know, Filipino food. I am vegetarian. Yeah. Yeah.
0:59:27.840,0:59:34.560
That's why I love when? Since 2018. Oo, that's a
long time. 2018. Actually, I was like pescatarian
0:59:34.560,0:59:40.400
for like 1 year. Okay. Maybe 6 months. What's the
difference? I can eat fish if you're pescat. No,
0:59:40.400,0:59:44.800
I don't. Now you don't even eat fish. You don't
eat fish. So you can imagine how I love Filipino
0:59:44.800,0:59:49.440
food, right? I didn't stop eating meat because
I don't like the taste of it, right? So I was
0:59:49.440,0:59:54.000
It was a hard adjustment for me. So then when she
would make Filipino food, she'd make it vegetarian
0:59:54.000,0:59:59.920
and it's so it has so much. How do you make adobo
vegetarian? I know. What do you use tofu? Ask her.
0:59:59.920,1:00:07.360
Ask her tofu. She uses um oyster mushrooms. Oh, I
get Yeah. Oy oyster mushrooms really tastes good.
1:00:07.360,1:00:16.000
Yeah, once but not every time. It's like how do
you pair that with rice? You can you can How do
1:00:16.000,1:00:26.800
you organ rice with mushroom? It's like eating
fried rice and plain rice. And I'm telling you,
1:00:26.800,1:00:32.720
Ena, he's serious with his food because the the
way he plates it, I'm like, "Wow, this looks so
1:00:32.720,1:00:38.880
fancy. You should open a restaurant." No, it it's
tiring. It's it's it's blessed that we get to
1:00:38.880,1:00:45.440
enjoy it in private just for fun or not just for
fun but like you know for his sustenance. Yeah.
1:00:45.440,1:00:53.920
Yeah. Oh, I love that though. But is your husband
also vegetarian? He is not. So how do you how do
1:00:53.920,1:00:59.520
you prep meals? He eats vegetarian with me. So
he's like a he's like a a weekday vegetarian.
1:00:59.520,1:01:04.800
He calls himself. Okay. Yeah. cuz on the weekend
he'll just and then when he cooks not even though
1:01:04.800,1:01:10.640
like I mean he's like having a blast right now
at home because he can eat whatever he wants but
1:01:10.640,1:01:16.240
like he it's really important to him for me to be
able to I don't know not feel like I'm limiting
1:01:16.240,1:01:21.680
him. Okay. So he when he cooks he makes things
vegetarian too. It's really it's actually really
1:01:21.680,1:01:28.960
easy. Okay. Sineigan. How can you make sineigan
vegetarian? Now 20 minutes of your podcast will
1:01:28.960,1:01:35.520
be you know of the Filipino dishes is one of the
easier ones to make vegetarian with mushroom.
1:01:35.520,1:01:42.320
Um what do you use? No. What do I use? Just more
vegetables. Yeah, just vegetables. Eggplants and
1:01:42.320,1:01:47.200
Yeah, eggplants, okra. The pork is the best part
of it. Yeah. And the No, but even when I ate meat,
1:01:47.200,1:01:52.640
I didn't like I I just I don't like pork very
much. So like But if I cook sinigang with a lot
1:01:52.640,1:01:58.640
of vegetables, but with pork, you won't eat
it. I I used to be really strict with that,
1:01:58.640,1:02:04.720
but now I'm not as strict. Like I'll eat like
ramen that's like that has like pork broth like
1:02:04.720,1:02:09.840
sinang. I'll just, you know, eat the veggies and
the soup, but that's how I was even when I was
1:02:09.840,1:02:14.320
eating meat. Okay. My dad will Oh, he's not even
here. I thought he was here this whole time. Um,
1:02:14.320,1:02:19.360
but he he will even attest like I I like chicken.
I like chicken adobo. That was my favorite.
1:02:19.360,1:02:27.520
Oh. Um, and now mushroom adobo. Mushroom.
Mushroom adobo. Yeah. He's like blasphemy. Yes,
1:02:27.520,1:02:34.960
he's protesting. I can't imagine. You have you
have this whole world. You ask her ask to make
1:02:34.960,1:02:42.640
some for you. Yeah. No, but next time you come,
I'm offering his dishes. If you want a challenge,
1:02:42.640,1:02:49.840
a vegetarian. If you want If you want a challenge,
you can try making vegetarian. It doesn't have to
1:02:49.840,1:02:54.400
be Filipino food. Just vegetarian food. I can make
you some vegetarian food that will taste really
1:02:54.400,1:03:01.040
good. Mhm. The bun. What is that noodle? I make
this I make this um you don't eat either. I eat
1:03:01.040,1:03:06.960
egg. I'm not vegan. Yeah, I vegan is like you
can't I make this tofu. You know what sees is,
1:03:06.960,1:03:10.960
right? Oh, that's what my husband makes.
He makes me tofu cece. Yeah. Yeah. I love
1:03:10.960,1:03:14.720
tofu ceig. That's what she makes for me,
too. Okay. Every time we go in a pot lock,
1:03:14.720,1:03:20.160
they always request that from me. Specifically the
tofu ce. Yes. And the sinigang. And the sinigang.
1:03:20.160,1:03:25.520
Pork Sine. Next time you go here, I'll make you
the tofu ce. Oh, thank you. I have to. Now you've
1:03:25.520,1:03:31.120
like hyped up your cooking so much. Like I have to
try some. Ask your mom. Yes. I am excited. Yeah,
1:03:31.120,1:03:37.680
cuz she cooks so well. Yeah, she does. So for her
to be impressed by your cooking is very high. She
1:03:37.680,1:03:41.360
would eat it and she'd be like, "How did you
make this? How did you make this?" She asks
1:03:41.360,1:03:47.600
you for your recipe. Do you cook with recipes?
I cook with recipes, but from the heart. No, no,
1:03:47.600,1:03:54.080
no. I mean, how do you say it? like not one
teaspoon, not one. Just kind of eyeballing
1:03:54.080,1:03:58.320
it. I I want the recipe to be complete. All the
ingredients should be complete, but I don't know
1:03:58.320,1:04:04.160
how the exact measure. How much salt do I need?
That's why sometimes you'd still make boooos and
1:04:04.160,1:04:10.240
you'd be like, I put too much salt. Let's just
order. But most days it's really good, right?
1:04:10.240,1:04:18.720
All the good dishes outweigh the Yes. That maybe
happened twice. So, about what's your growth?
1:04:18.720,1:04:27.680
growth. I think it's really I mean I realize how
selfish I have been because all my life I've lived
1:04:27.680,1:04:34.480
you know I mean with my family but I think next to
him he's such he has such a generous spirit and a
1:04:34.480,1:04:43.200
generous heart that a lot of times I realize oh I
can actually be selfish like so now what I do is I
1:04:43.200,1:04:49.600
try to understand his perspective because sometime
before I would just go inwards right? And then
1:04:49.600,1:04:54.640
have this conversation in my head of like, oh my
gosh, like why did he do this? Like that's mean.
1:04:54.640,1:05:00.960
Like he said this and he and then next thing you
know, I'm just all worked up. And so now I'd be
1:05:00.960,1:05:06.080
like, well, what did you mean by this? Like what
do you why did you say that? Like what what did
1:05:06.080,1:05:11.040
I do to make you feel that way? So I'm trying
to understand the interpretation because I a
1:05:11.040,1:05:17.280
lot of times I never meant it to come across that
way. But then when I understand his perspective,
1:05:17.280,1:05:22.480
I'm also growing. I'm like, "Oh, I can't do that
because it it sets him off this way." Like I need
1:05:22.480,1:05:27.440
to find a better way to articulate this. So, I
think that's the best the biggest growth area,
1:05:27.440,1:05:31.600
right? That's a lot. Yeah. Like that's a lot
that is wrapped up in everything that you just
1:05:31.600,1:05:36.800
said like you it sounds like you learn to be
open to listen. Yeah. Right. Cuz it's hard
1:05:36.800,1:05:43.200
sometimes when we feel like we're being like we're
being given feedback or criticism. It's like, oh,
1:05:43.200,1:05:48.560
like they're wrong. like you know like and then
it can be really easy just to shut down and you
1:05:48.560,1:05:54.000
know kind of be defensive. Be defensive. Yeah,
exactly. But yeah, it's interesting that you are
1:05:54.000,1:06:01.120
calling it like selfishness cuz it seems very much
like you're now just I don't know being more open,
1:06:01.120,1:06:07.120
being more open to learning. Yeah. Being more open
to understanding. I relate to you and being very
1:06:07.120,1:06:11.600
independent and like living your whole life that
way, you know, and then suddenly finding yourself
1:06:11.600,1:06:16.800
in a relationship where you're not just one person
anymore, you're a unit. It is an adjustment. It
1:06:16.800,1:06:23.680
sounds like you feel happy with the ways that
you've been able to grow. Yes. Yeah. I I love
1:06:23.680,1:06:28.960
asking this to my um like couples that have
known each other for a long time, but like if
1:06:28.960,1:06:33.840
you were to give like one piece of advice to your
younger self, I don't even it could be any age,
1:06:33.840,1:06:39.120
right? M what would you give in the context of
our relationship or just by ourselves? In the
1:06:39.120,1:06:46.000
context of your relationship for me um I always
tell this to my wife. I should have married you
1:06:46.000,1:06:53.600
when after college you know when we first dated
married life is so much fun. You will learn a
1:06:53.600,1:07:01.760
lot. It's Yeah cuz when when I was single like
yeah you attend this parties but you will have
1:07:01.760,1:07:08.800
to drive home by yourself. M and that was
the difficult part. And if I can go back,
1:07:08.800,1:07:16.320
if I have this time machine or something, I would
marry her young in life. Yeah. Maybe we'll have
1:07:16.320,1:07:25.520
like maybe what five, six kids. So many kids.
Yeah. And maybe I would have learned to cook too.
1:07:25.520,1:07:32.640
Oh my gosh. If you learn to cook, young guys.
Yeah. It's true. Cuz you can enjoy it more.
1:07:32.640,1:07:40.560
Yes. And you grow up together. Mhm. Mhm. So
before it was it was a good life but after I
1:07:40.560,1:07:48.560
got married for some reason provision was really
coming in. Businesses was kind of booming. Even
1:07:48.560,1:07:58.560
it was pandemic. We were selling house houses
twice a year. Even 2020. Wow. Yeah. So we were
1:07:58.560,1:08:06.640
kind of blessed and but we were really working
for our marriage. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I mean,
1:08:06.640,1:08:11.600
this is sort of what I did, but I would
probably articulate it to my younger self,
1:08:11.600,1:08:17.280
I think maybe when we were first started dating,
when we first started dating, I I would say like
1:08:17.280,1:08:24.400
work on yourself. like don't be too hard don't be
too hard on yourself but also find your identity
1:08:24.400,1:08:31.280
outside of the relationship. Enjoy life cuz before
I was also too intense even with him when we first
1:08:31.280,1:08:36.480
got married right like we need to do this like we
need to serve this way or we need to like there's
1:08:36.480,1:08:42.880
all these should shoulds and then looking back
seven years later I'm like now I'm letting loose
1:08:42.880,1:08:48.160
now I'm like because I trust him immensely.
Right. What was my favorite word? His favorite
1:08:48.160,1:08:54.160
word before was relax. And every time he told
me that, as you are well aware as a therapist,
1:08:54.160,1:08:58.720
that was the worst cuz that'll even make me more
intense. Like if there's if there's one thing to
1:08:58.720,1:09:08.640
make her relax less saying that like this, do
this. Do this. Relax. Which in the moment is
1:09:08.640,1:09:13.680
hard to accept, but then like, you know, it sounds
like it makes a lot more sense. Yeah. But it if it
1:09:13.680,1:09:19.600
sounds dismissive because you just don't want me
to be intense, it's worse. No, but I think it's
1:09:19.600,1:09:27.840
it's more like enjoy each other. Enjoy enjoying
our marriage, enjoying our family, and don't sweat
1:09:27.840,1:09:34.560
the small stuff. I think that's what I would say.
Like don't be don't hold on too intensely like
1:09:34.560,1:09:42.640
Mhm. loosely of like he's going to grow because
we're not the same people we were Yeah. 7 years
1:09:42.640,1:09:50.000
ago. Like we've definitely matured individually
but also together. So I think I'm proud of that
1:09:50.000,1:09:56.720
part. So I would tell myself don't worry about
it. Easy enough, right? Just don't worry about
1:09:56.720,1:10:03.680
it. What have you learned in your first year of
marriage? What have I learned? Let's see. See,
1:10:03.680,1:10:10.240
my my interviewer hat is so much on that I have
to like take it off really quick and be able to
1:10:10.240,1:10:16.640
respond. Um, I don't know why my mind goes to like
finances. Um, because like I mean we were together
1:10:16.640,1:10:24.000
for 2 years before we got married and we learned
a lot about each other in that time and we grew a
1:10:24.000,1:10:29.760
lot too. You can be on your own and you can do all
the healing. We both had gotten out of really like
1:10:29.760,1:10:33.920
long-term relationships that we were healing
from and we did a lot of healing on our own.
1:10:33.920,1:10:38.480
But then you get together and there's like still
kind of things that you forgot were there or like
1:10:38.480,1:10:44.000
you didn't know were there and it's only going to
come out because you're in a relationship now and
1:10:44.000,1:10:48.080
those parts of you are being tested in ways that
you can't test when you're on your own. Right.
1:10:48.080,1:10:55.680
Right. And so I think that it was nice to be able
to identify those things and like those areas
1:10:55.680,1:11:01.280
that we still need to grow, but then like how we
can rely on each other to grow those parts of us
1:11:01.280,1:11:07.040
that only the other person can help grow. And so I
think that's been foundational to our relationship
1:11:07.040,1:11:12.480
and still is. But since being married at least, I
think finances is something that we're still kind
1:11:12.480,1:11:18.400
of like figuring out because we both came from
families that struggled with money a lot. Um,
1:11:18.400,1:11:24.560
in different ways, I think, but I think we're
like both in a financially comfortable place,
1:11:24.560,1:11:34.000
but it's hard to let go of that like scarcity
with money, you know? Yeah. And as we're trying to
1:11:34.000,1:11:37.680
figure out what we want our life to look like and
what we want our finances to look like, especially
1:11:37.680,1:11:43.840
now that we're married, we have to remember that
like we're okay. We have, you know, we have each
1:11:43.840,1:11:48.080
other. We have our family support. Our families
are okay now, you know, and it's just something
1:11:48.080,1:11:53.840
that is hard to unlearn. So that's something that
I think we're doing together is that like just
1:11:53.840,1:11:58.880
remembering that things are okay and that like
we have learned a lot about money through our
1:11:58.880,1:12:04.960
don't be too uptight about like finances and that
money can become so big, you know, like and it's
1:12:04.960,1:12:11.920
we're trying to not have it be something that's so
overconuming in our relationship. Yeah. Yeah. I'm
1:12:11.920,1:12:16.400
sure there's more, too. But I think that's like
that feels like the most pressing thing right now
1:12:16.400,1:12:20.080
because we're thinking about like, oh, like we
want to buy a house one day and like, you know,
1:12:20.080,1:12:24.720
we still like to travel and like so what do we
want? We want to have kids one day, too. Like all
1:12:24.720,1:12:30.880
of that. You can't think about any of that without
thinking about money, you know? So, of course. So,
1:12:30.880,1:12:36.720
yeah, thank you for the question and thank
you guys actually so much for I you know,
1:12:36.720,1:12:41.440
today's Sunday. You guys were talking about how
Sundays are so busy for you ordinarily. Like,
1:12:41.440,1:12:46.240
I'm so thankful that you guys made the time for
this and put yourself in this really uncomfortable
1:12:46.240,1:12:51.600
position to be filmed and, you know, to be
recorded and to be given the opportunity
1:12:51.600,1:12:56.720
just to share your relationship with me. Thank
you so much for listening to this episode of
1:12:56.720,1:13:01.360
Ordinary Love. If you like this episode, please
subscribe and follow at Ordinary Love podcast
1:13:01.360,1:13:14.080
everywhere and catch us every other Tuesday
for new episodes. So, thank you so much. Bye.
1:13:14.080,1:13:17.680
Bye.