Summer Pressure: Managing Perfectionism in LGBTQIA+ Professionals

When summer rolls around, a lot of people think of rest—vacations, beach days, slowing down. But if you're a high-achieving LGBTQIA+ professional, especially here in California, summer can feel like anything but restful. Instead of ease, it might bring on a new wave of pressure: to travel somewhere impressive, to stay socially active, to “make the most” of the longer days, or to finally complete that list of personal growth goals you’ve been putting off.

For many of my clients—especially queer and trans professionals of color who’ve always been told they have to work twice as hard just to be seen—summer becomes another high-stakes performance. The pressure to relax perfectly joins the already exhausting expectations to achieve, show up, and stay resilient in the face of systemic and internalized stress.

In this post, I’ll break down how summer intensifies perfectionism for LGBTQIA+ high achievers, why it’s more than just overwork, and what it looks like to reclaim your summer through gentler, more affirming practices. We'll also talk about how online therapy for burnout and LGBTQIA+ high achiever therapy can help you feel less alone and more in control.

The Myth of the “Perfect” Summer

For high achievers, summer is often sold as the season of peak performance—but with a twist. Unlike the typical productivity grind, summer says, “Achieve, but make it look effortless. Be successful and also well-rested. Post about your glowing skin and your career wins.”

If you’re a queer person of color, the unspoken rules come with added complexity: you’re expected to be thriving and fighting for justice. Stylish and spiritually aligned. Your rest has to be “deserved,” and even your joy has to be digestible.

It’s exhausting—and it’s rooted in perfectionism.

What Is Perfectionism, Really?

As a perfectionism therapist in California, I see clients all the time who think perfectionism is just about being detail-oriented or driven. But perfectionism isn’t about standards—it’s about survival.

For many LGBTQIA+ professionals, especially those socialized in immigrant, AAPI, or religious families, perfectionism is a way to feel safe, valued, or at least protected from criticism. You learned that if you could just get everything right, maybe you'd be accepted, or at least less rejected.

In this context, perfectionism isn’t about vanity. It’s about visibility. It's about not feeling like you can afford to be average when the world already questions your worth.

How Summer Triggers Perfectionism

Summer brings its own set of cultural cues that can amplify perfectionist tendencies, including:

• Increased social comparison: Social media is flooded with curated vacation pics, new job announcements, and personal glow-ups.

• Unstructured time: The expectation to be productive and relaxed can be confusing and paralyzing, especially for folks who feel safest in structure.

• “Hot queer summer” culture: There’s pressure to look good, be social, and find queer community—all of which can feel overwhelming if you’re burnt out, introverted, or just not in the mood.

• Childhood trauma triggers: If summer was historically a time of instability—like family conflict, loneliness, or identity suppression—it might carry emotional weight you don’t even realize.

These triggers can make you feel like you're somehow failing at summer itself, leading to more shame, guilt, and self-criticism. And when your inner critic gets loud, burnout is never far behind.

What Burnout Looks Like in LGBTQIA+ High Achievers

Burnout in high achievers often hides in plain sight. You might still be going through the motions—working, socializing, smiling—but inside, you feel disconnected, exhausted, and irritable. Maybe you’re:

• Waking up already tired

• Saying yes when you mean no

• Feeling guilty when you're not “doing enough”

• Struggling to feel joy in things you used to love

• Fantasizing about quitting everything and disappearing

If you're nodding along, you're not weak. You're tired—and your nervous system is waving a red flag.

Many LGBTQIA+ folks push through burnout because we were taught we had to. But over-functioning isn’t resilience. It's survival. And it doesn't have to be your forever.

Let’s Name the Systemic Piece

Perfectionism isn’t just personal—it’s systemic. We live in a capitalist culture that glorifies overwork and productivity. Add in queerphobia, racism, fatphobia, ableism, and xenophobia, and the pressure compounds.

For BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ professionals, the stakes often feel higher. You may be the “first” or “only” in your family, workplace, or field. You may feel the burden of representation, or the fear that if you falter, you’ll prove the biases people already carry.

Therapy can help you not only cope with these pressures, but actively resist them. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about unlearning what was never yours to carry in the first place.

So How Do We Start Managing Summer Perfectionism?

Let’s be real: undoing perfectionism takes time. But you don’t need to wait until you're fully healed to start feeling better. Here are a few ways to soften the grip of summer pressure:

1. Redefine “rest” in your own terms

Rest isn’t just napping or lying on a beach. It can be:

• Not explaining yourself

• Not apologizing for saying no

• Spending a day offline

• Watching trash TV guilt-free

Rest is anything that helps your nervous system feel less activated. You get to define what that looks like.

2. Notice when urgency kicks in

Perfectionism often feels like “everything is urgent and everything is my fault.” When that feeling shows up, ask yourself:

• Who told me this had to be done right now?

• What would happen if I did it 80% instead of 100%?

• Am I doing this from a place of fear or care?

Pausing doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you're reclaiming agency.

3. Practice saying “good enough” out loud

I often invite my clients to use the phrase “good enough for today.” Try it in small ways—sending an email without triple-checking it, posting a photo without editing it for an hour. Over time, you’ll build more tolerance for imperfection.

4. Identify the “parts” driving perfectionism

Your perfectionist voice might actually be a younger part of you trying to protect you from harm. In therapy, we can meet these parts with curiosity and compassion, not shame. When you know what that part is trying to do, you can choose how to respond.

5. Get support that gets it

You deserve support from someone who understands the layered pressures of being a high-achieving queer person of color. Someone who won’t pathologize your coping, but help you find new options rooted in your values.

That’s why I offer online therapy for burnout, specifically tailored for LGBTQIA+ high achievers navigating perfectionism, family pressure, relational trauma, and identity exhaustion.

Therapy Can Be a Radical Act of Rest

Working with a therapist who gets it isn’t just about managing symptoms—it’s about building a relationship with yourself where you’re allowed to be messy, soft, and imperfect.

In my work with clients across California, I use approaches like EMDR for trauma, narrative therapy to externalize inner critics, and mindfulness to shift your relationship to self-worth. Together, we’ll create space for rest—not as a reward, but as a right.

TL;DR – You’re Not Failing Summer

If you’re feeling burnt out, stuck, or like you're “doing summer wrong,” know this: You are not the problem. The systems and stories that taught you to equate worth with achievement are. You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to optimize your joy. You just have to begin with enoughness.

If you're ready to quiet your inner critic and reconnect with yourself, I'm here. I offer LGBTQIA+ high achiever therapy and online therapy for burnout to folks all across California. And I’m especially passionate about working with queer, trans, AAPI professionals and people pleasers who are tired of hustling for their worth.

Let’s talk about what healing looks like for you—this summer, and beyond.

Interested in working together?
Book a free consultation to learn more about how I can support you as a perfectionism therapist in California. Whether you’re burned out, overwhelmed, or just tired of being everything to everyone, you don’t have to figure it out alone.