Is Couples Therapy Right for Us? A Queer-Affirming EFT Approach in California

Relationships can be beautiful and grounding, and they can also be deeply triggering—especially when you're navigating trauma, cultural pressures, or queerness in a world that often misunderstands you. If you're asking, “Is couples therapy right for us?”—that question alone means you care. And that’s a powerful place to start.

I work with LGBTQIA+ couples across California who are high-functioning, thoughtful, and motivated—but still struggling. Maybe you’re fighting about the same thing over and over. Maybe you’ve grown distant, and you’re wondering if you can get back to feeling close again. Or maybe you’re good… and you want to be great.

No matter where you are, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers a powerful roadmap to help you reconnect—not just with each other, but with yourselves.

What Makes Queer-Affirming Couples Therapy Different?

Let’s name something that often goes unsaid: traditional couples therapy can feel alienating when your identities aren’t centered. As a queer person, you’ve probably spent enough time navigating spaces that weren't made with you in mind.

In queer-affirming EFT, we don’t just “accept” your identities—we work within them. That means:

• Your relationship structure is respected. Monogamous, polyamorous, open, exploring—there’s no one-size-fits-all here.

• Cultural and intergenerational trauma is part of the story. Especially for AAPI or other BIPOC clients, we acknowledge how external systems shape your internal dynamics.

• Gender and sexuality are not afterthoughts. They’re essential to understanding how you love, fight, and connect.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to educate your therapist about your identities, or like your relationship didn’t “fit the mold,” working with a queer-affirming EFT therapist might be a game-changer.

What Is EFT and How Does It Help Couples?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a well-researched, attachment-based approach to couples therapy. In plain language: it helps you identify the emotional cycles you’re stuck in and build new ones rooted in safety and connection.

When LGBTQIA+ couples come to me, they’re often caught in a loop that feels impossible to break. One person withdraws, the other pursues. One shuts down, the other explodes. And under all of that, there’s usually fear:

• “Am I too much for them?”

• “Do they really have my back?”

• “If I let them in, will I get hurt?”

EFT helps us slow that cycle down and get underneath the surface. We identify your emotional needs and fears, and we work together to express them in ways that bring you closer, not farther apart.

Signs You Might Benefit from LGBTQIA+ Couples Therapy

Every couple is different—but here are some signs that EFT might be helpful for you:

• You’re having the same argument repeatedly with no resolution.

• You feel emotionally disconnected or “like roommates.”

• Physical intimacy has dropped off, and you’re not sure why.

• One or both of you feels unappreciated, unseen, or misunderstood.

• Past betrayals or attachment wounds are still impacting your dynamic.

• You want to break patterns inherited from your families or cultural upbringing.

• You just want to be proactive and intentional about your relationship.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. Many of my clients are high-achievers who want to show up fully in their partnerships—just like they do in their careers, friendships, and communities.

Can Online Therapy Really Work for Couples?

Short answer: yes.

Longer answer: for many LGBTQIA+ couples in California, online therapy is actually safer, more accessible, and more effective than traditional in-office therapy.

Here’s why:

• Privacy and comfort. You can be in your own space, where you feel most at ease.

• Convenience. No commute. No parking. No childcare logistics.

• Reach. Whether you’re in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Sacramento, or a small town, you can work with a therapist who gets you.

As an EFT therapist who specializes in queer couples therapy online, I structure sessions to make sure all voices are heard, even through the screen. I use tools like screen sharing for communication exercises, and I offer between-session reflections to help you stay connected to the work.

Common Myths About Couples Therapy—Especially in Queer Relationships

“We’re not broken enough for therapy.”
You don’t have to be on the brink of a breakup to benefit. In fact, therapy is often most effective before things hit a crisis point.

“Our issues are just about sex/communication/time.”
Often, these surface issues are tied to deeper emotional needs. EFT helps you identify and heal those root dynamics.

“Therapy is too rigid for how we love.”
Not in queer-affirming EFT. We honor fluidity, complexity, and nuance.

“One of us is the problem.”
In EFT, we don’t assign blame. We focus on patterns, not villains.

What Working With Me Looks Like

My approach is collaborative, warm, and trauma-informed. I’m here to hold space for the hard stuff—and also to celebrate your growth, humor, and joy. I bring cultural humility, clinical rigor, and deep respect for the brave work you’re doing just by showing up.

Whether you’re navigating identity exploration, intergenerational trauma, or attachment wounds, we move at a pace that honors your capacity and goals. I also offer individual support to partners alongside couples work when helpful, especially if trauma histories are activated in the relationship.

We laugh sometimes. We cry sometimes. But we always come back to the question: how can we create more emotional safety between you?

So… Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

If you’re reading this, something in you is already wondering what’s possible. You don’t have to have all the answers—you just need enough curiosity to take the next step.

Whether you're just starting out, navigating a big transition, or feeling like you're at a crossroads, queer-affirming EFT can help you move from disconnection to deeper intimacy.

And if you’re in California and looking for LGBTQIA+ couples therapy online, I’d be honored to support you.

Ready to Begin?

I offer a free 20-minute consultation to make sure we’re a good fit. If you’re ready to explore how therapy can support your relationship, I’d love to hear from you.